Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for 'soup' tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not 'soup'; it's 'courage'.
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.

Sheldon: Cause of Injury: Lack of Adhesive Ducks.

Sheldon: Let it never be said that Sheldon Lee Cooper ignored the pleas of a damsel in distress.

Sheldon: And good evening to you, Siam Palace, this is Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I'm going to be dining alone this evening, so I'll be reducing my usual order. I'd like to start with one quarter of the assorted appetizers plate and one half of the Golden Treasure for two - oh, for heaven's sake! In the mid-18th century, King Rama the Fourth of Siam divided a huge empire amongst the colonial powers of Europe in order to preserve his throne. Surely you, his cultural descendant, can handle pad thai and dumplings.

Sheldon: I'm sorry. There there. Everything's gonna be okay. Sheldon's here.

Sheldon: There there, everything is going to be fine... Sheldon's here!

Sheldon: I see no organizational system in here whatsoever. Which panties do you wear on Mondays?
Penny: I don't need panties, I just need shorts and a shirt.
Sheldon: My mother always told me one should wear clean underpants in case one is in an accident.
Penny: One was already in an accident.
Sheldon: Doesn't mean one won't be in another, especially if I'm driving.

Penny: Warp speed ahead, Mr. Spock.
Sheldon: Mr. Spock did not pilot the Enterprise. He was the science officer. And I guarantee you that if he saw the Enterprise's "Check Engine" light blinking, he would pull the ship over immediately.

Sheldon: According to the inexplicably irritable nurse behind the desk, you'll be seen after the man who claims to be having a heart attack, but appears to be well enough to play Doodle Jump on his iPhone.

Sheldon: When was the last time you had your menstrual cycle?
Penny: Oh, I'm not answering that Sheldon.
Sheldon: I'm going to say in progress.

Sheldon: You can't make a half sandwich. If it's not half of a whole sandwich, it's just a small sandwich.

Sheldon: Stop it both of you! All this fighting, I might as well be back with my parents!
*Imitating his Mom* Dammit, George! I told you if you didn't quit drinking I would leave you!
*Imitating his Dad* Well, I guess that makes you a liar, because I'm drunk as hell and you are still here!
*Imitating his Mom* Stop yelling, you're making Sheldon cry!
*Imitating his Dad* I'll tell you what is making Sheldon cry, that I let you name him SHELDON!

Sheldon: I should have asked for much more than a comic book and a robot.

Sheldon: Leonard, when that woman moved in three years ago I told you not to talk to her, and now look. We're going to be late for the movies.

Sheldon: Where exactly does the half-sandwich come from? Are you giving me half of someone else's sandwich, or do I have to wait for someone in the restaurant to order the other half?