Sheldon: I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. Pro football, college football, high school football, pee wee football - in fact, every form of football except the original, European football, which most Texans believe to be a commie plot.

Sheldon: That seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don't you have access to women who will do it for money?

Sheldon: If you want to blend in with Penny's friends, I'd think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.

Sheldon: What's funny about Cylon toast?

Penny: Kite fighting?
Leonard: Oh, yeah. It's an extremely competitive, cutthroat sport.
Sheldon: Well, actually, the risk of throat cutting is very low. On the other hand, severe string burn is a real and ever-present danger.

Leonard: Maybe Koothrappali's right. Maybe I embarrass her.
Sheldon: You're embarrassing me right now. A grown man worrying about such nonsense when in the middle of flying kites.

Sheldon: That's exactly what my father said. Come to the games, watch the games, week in and week out from the time I was five until I went off to college. Longest seven years of my life.

Penny: Hey, guys. What you doing? Going out to discover electricity?
Sheldon: If you're referring to the work of Benjamin Franklin, he did not discover electricity, he merely used a kite to determine that lightning consists of electricity. He also invented the Franklin stove, bifocals and the flexible urinary catheter. Kites, ho.

Leonard: So, Penny doesn't want me around her friends. I embarrass her. What else could it be?
Sheldon: Well, her actions could be out of concern for your feelings. Perhaps she's excluded you from these gatherings because she's scouting for a new mate and doesn't want to do it in front of you.
Leonard: Oh, how kind of her.
Sheldon: Agreed. Most primates don't show that sort of discretion. A female bonobo will copulate with a new male in front of the old one without so much as a how do you do.

Sheldon: If you're interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn't chicken as if it were chicken.

Leonard: Please, I'm asking you as a friend.
Sheldon: Are you making this a tier one friendship request?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Fine.

Sheldon: Yeah, yeah. All right, Poindexter, sit down, shut up and listen.
Leonard: I'm sorry?
Sheldon: That's how my father always began our football conversations. And if you'd like, after the game, I'll take you outside and teach you how to shoot close enough to a raccoon that it craps itself.

Leonard: When are you going to stop making Cylon toast?
Sheldon: When I have enough to destroy all the human toast on the battlestar known as Galactica.

Sheldon: Is that what you're wearing to watch football at Penny's?
Leonard: What's wrong with a football jersey?
Sheldon: Nothing. That, however, appears to be a football cocktail dress.

Sheldon: Hold on I believe that social convention dictate you not arrive empty-handed. Would you like to bring some Cylon toast?
Leonard: Yeah, no, I'm trying to fit in, not get laughed at.
Sheldon: What's funny about Cylon toast?