Quotes from ‘The Cornhusker Vortex’

The Cornhusker Vortex

'The Cornhusker Vortex' - Season 3, Episode 6

When Leonard wants to bond with Penny's football-watching friends, he turns to an unlikely source of football knowledge. Meanwhile, Howard and Raj's friendship is on the line after a kite-fighting incident.

Air Date: November 2, 2009.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Sheldon knows football? I mean Quidditch, sure, but football?

Quote from Raj

Leonard: I think I'm starting to get this.
Rajesh: Really? The only thing I've learnt in the last 2 hours is that American men drink a lot of beer, pee too often and have trouble getting erections.
Leonard: Focus on the game, not the commercials Raj.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. Pro football, college football, high school football, pee wee football - in fact, every form of football except the original, European football, which most Texans believe to be a commie plot.

Quote from Raj

Raj: You always do this, you know, ditch me for a woman you don't have a shot with.
Howard: I totally had a shot.
Raj: With a woman you were chasing in a park. That's not a shot, that's a felony.

Quote from Raj

Wolowitz: At least I can talk to women without being drunk.
Rajesh: Excuse me, I have selective mutism, a recognised medical disorder. You're just a douche.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Excuse me. You're misusing the word 'ho'. It's an interjection used to call attention to a destination, not an object, as in 'land ho' or 'westward ho'.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: That seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don't you have access to women who will do it for money?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh yes, canine football fans are a common sight in Texas. Cats, however, refuse to wear sporting apparel. My sister found that out the hard way.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Here, have some pizza, sweetie.
Leonard: You know I'm lactose intolerant.
Penny: I know; I just need you to stop talking.

Quote from Raj

Howard: Maybe that's what this whole thing's about. You're not mad at me, you're mad at yourself.
Raj: No, I'm mad at you. I hate myself, but I'm mad at you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: If you want to blend in with Penny's friends, I'd think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What's funny about Cylon toast?

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Hey, guys. What you doing? Going out to discover electricity?
Sheldon: If you're referring to the work of Benjamin Franklin, he did not discover electricity, he merely used a kite to determine that lightning consists of electricity. He also invented the Franklin stove, bifocals and the flexible urinary catheter. Kites, ho.

Quote from Howard

Penny: Oh, gee, sounds amazing, but, um, I've got some friends coming over. Not a big thing, we're just gonna watch the Nebraska game.
Leonard: Oh. Football, sure.
Howard: Good guess.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: Well, this sucks.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I got bored and drifted off. Where exactly in the interaction did the sucking lie?
Raj: Leonard just realized that Penny's been hiding him from her friends because he's a tiny, little man who flies kites.
Sheldon: Oh, that certainly would suck.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: So, Penny doesn't want me around her friends. I embarrass her. What else could it be?
Sheldon: Well, her actions could be out of concern for your feelings. Perhaps she's excluded you from these gatherings because she's scouting for a new mate and doesn't want to do it in front of you.
Leonard: Oh, how kind of her.
Sheldon: Agreed. Most primates don't show that sort of discretion. A female bonobo will copulate with a new male in front of the old one without so much as a how do you do.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Oh, hey, on a related subject, are you embarrassed to have me around your friends?
Penny: Oh, my god, no. Why would you ask that?
Leonard: Well, you know, I just noticed I haven't really met any of them.
Penny: Sure you have.
Leonard: Well, yeah, no, I met the huge ex-boyfriend and the smaller, yet still larger than me, ex-boyfriend.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Leonard, look, if you want to meet my friends, that would be great. I just, you know, I didn't want you to be bored.
Leonard: I wouldn't be bored. Why would I be bored?
Penny: Well, 'cause they're not genius scientists.
Leonard: Penny, I like all sorts of people. In fact, some of my best friends aren't geniuses.
Penny: Like who?
Leonard: Okay, some of my Facebook friends aren't geniuses.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Well, then why don't you come over next Saturday and watch the game with us?
Leonard: Another football game?
Penny: They have them every week.
Leonard: Did not know that.
Leonard: Sure, sure, just I don't know much about football.
Penny: Oh, that's okay. A lot of the guys' girlfriends don't know football. They just kind of drink and talk in the kitchen.
Leonard: Great.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Now, what is this sacks statistic they put up there?
Howard: All I know about Saks is, my mother shops there.
Leonard: (Thumbing through a guide book) Sacks, sacks
Sheldon: It's football nomenclature for when a quarterback is tackled behind the line of scrimmage.
Leonard: Huh. (Searching the book again) Scrimmage
Sheldon: The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line separating the offense from the defense.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: If you're interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn't chicken as if it were chicken.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Please, I'm asking you as a friend.
Sheldon: Are you making this a tier one friendship request?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Fine.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Yeah, yeah. All right, Poindexter, sit down, shut up and listen.
Leonard: I'm sorry?
Sheldon: That's how my father always began our football conversations. And if you'd like, after the game, I'll take you outside and teach you how to shoot close enough to a raccoon that it craps itself.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: When are you going to stop making Cylon toast?
Sheldon: When I have enough to destroy all the human toast on the battlestar known as Galactica.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Is that what you're wearing to watch football at Penny's?
Leonard: What's wrong with a football jersey?
Sheldon: Nothing. That, however, appears to be a football cocktail dress.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hold on I believe that social convention dictate you not arrive empty-handed. Would you like to bring some Cylon toast?
Leonard: Yeah, no, I'm trying to fit in, not get laughed at.
Sheldon: What's funny about Cylon toast?

Quote from Howard

Howard: I brought you a little gift. New kite.
Raj: The kite you made me lose was an authentic Patang, an Indian fighting kite that my brother sent to me from New Delhi. It took me a day to put together and two days to paint. This is Hello Kitty.
Howard: Yeah, but it comes with a little coin purse. Does a Patang?

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Go! Go! Go! Go, go, go, go! Yes! Are you people watching this? Is this amazing or what?
Penny: Sweetie, that's a highlight from the '98 championship game.
Leonard: Oh. Did not know that.
Penny: How much beer have you had?
Leonard: None. Why?
Penny: Oh. I was just kind of hoping you were drunk. Now we're back live.
Leonard: Okay, yeah. I can see the difference.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Sheldon, come in.
Sheldon: Thank you. I'd like to make a sandwich, but I'm out of bread.
Penny: There's some in the fridge.
Sheldon: You shouldn't keep your bread in the refrigerator. Staleness is caused by crystallization of the starch molecules, which occurs faster at cool temperatures.
Penny: On Earth, we say thank you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So Leonard, how goes the mimesis?
Leonard: Mimesis?
Sheldon: You know. Mimesis. An action in which the mimic takes on the properties of a specific object or organism. Mimesis.
Leonard: What the hell are you talking about?
Sheldon: I'm attempting to communicate with you without my meaning becoming apparent to those around you. Let me try again. Have the indigenous fauna accepted you as one of their own? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Kite fighting?
Leonard: Oh, yeah. It's an extremely competitive, cutthroat sport.
Sheldon: Well, actually, the risk of throat cutting is very low. On the other hand, severe string burn is a real and ever-present danger.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Maybe Koothrappali's right. Maybe I embarrass her.
Sheldon: You're embarrassing me right now. A grown man worrying about such nonsense when in the middle of flying kites.

Quote from Raj

Howard: I would have caught up to her if I hadn't pulled a hammy.
Raj: Oh, please, you weigh 80 pounds. You don't have a hammy.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: We won.
Leonard: Oh, that's excellent. It's a weird figure of speech, isn't it? We won, when you weren't actually playing. When we watch Star Wars, we don't say we defeated the empire.
Penny: I'm glad to hear it.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I'm just saying, maybe if you people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: That's exactly what my father said. Come to the games, watch the games, week in and week out from the time I was five until I went off to college. Longest seven years of my life.