Howard: I would have caught up to her if I hadn't pulled a hammy.
Raj: Oh, please, you weigh 80 pounds. You don't have a hammy.

Penny: We won.
Leonard: Oh, that's excellent. It's a weird figure of speech, isn't it? We won, when you weren't actually playing. When we watch Star Wars, we don't say we defeated the empire.
Penny: I'm glad to hear it.

Raj: I'm just saying, maybe if you people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help.

Sheldon: That's exactly what my father said. Come to the games, watch the games, week in and week out from the time I was five until I went off to college. Longest seven years of my life.

Penny: Hey, guys. What you doing? Going out to discover electricity?
Sheldon: If you're referring to the work of Benjamin Franklin, he did not discover electricity, he merely used a kite to determine that lightning consists of electricity. He also invented the Franklin stove, bifocals and the flexible urinary catheter. Kites, ho.

Penny: Oh, gee, sounds amazing, but, um, I've got some friends coming over. Not a big thing, we're just gonna watch the Nebraska game.
Leonard: Oh. Football, sure.
Howard: Good guess.

Leonard: Well, this sucks.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I got bored and drifted off. Where exactly in the interaction did the sucking lie?
Raj: Leonard just realized that Penny's been hiding him from her friends because he's a tiny, little man who flies kites.
Sheldon: Oh, that certainly would suck.

Leonard: So, Penny doesn't want me around her friends. I embarrass her. What else could it be?
Sheldon: Well, her actions could be out of concern for your feelings. Perhaps she's excluded you from these gatherings because she's scouting for a new mate and doesn't want to do it in front of you.
Leonard: Oh, how kind of her.
Sheldon: Agreed. Most primates don't show that sort of discretion. A female bonobo will copulate with a new male in front of the old one without so much as a how do you do.

Leonard: Oh, hey, on a related subject, are you embarrassed to have me around your friends?
Penny: Oh, my god, no. Why would you ask that?
Leonard: Well, you know, I just noticed I haven't really met any of them.
Penny: Sure you have.
Leonard: Well, yeah, no, I met the huge ex-boyfriend and the smaller, yet still larger than me, ex-boyfriend.

Penny: Leonard, look, if you want to meet my friends, that would be great. I just, you know, I didn't want you to be bored.
Leonard: I wouldn't be bored. Why would I be bored?
Penny: Well, 'cause they're not genius scientists.
Leonard: Penny, I like all sorts of people. In fact, some of my best friends aren't geniuses.
Penny: Like who?
Leonard: Okay, some of my Facebook friends aren't geniuses.

Penny: Well, then why don't you come over next Saturday and watch the game with us?
Leonard: Another football game?
Penny: They have them every week.
Leonard: Did not know that.
Leonard: Sure, sure, just I don't know much about football.
Penny: Oh, that's okay. A lot of the guys' girlfriends don't know football. They just kind of drink and talk in the kitchen.
Leonard: Great.

Leonard: Now, what is this sacks statistic they put up there?
Howard: All I know about Saks is, my mother shops there.
Leonard: (Thumbing through a guide book) Sacks, sacks
Sheldon: It's football nomenclature for when a quarterback is tackled behind the line of scrimmage.
Leonard: Huh. (Searching the book again) Scrimmage
Sheldon: The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line separating the offense from the defense.

Sheldon: If you're interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn't chicken as if it were chicken.

Leonard: Please, I'm asking you as a friend.
Sheldon: Are you making this a tier one friendship request?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Fine.

Sheldon: Yeah, yeah. All right, Poindexter, sit down, shut up and listen.
Leonard: I'm sorry?
Sheldon: That's how my father always began our football conversations. And if you'd like, after the game, I'll take you outside and teach you how to shoot close enough to a raccoon that it craps itself.