Sheldon: Now to business. Eighteen years ago, I sent the FBI Crime Lab samples from a bag of excrement that had been lit on fire on my front porch for fingerprinting and DNA analysis. Why haven't I heard back yet?
Agent Page: Well, the FBI Crime Lab does have a lot on its plate.
Sheldon: That's of little comfort to a nation attempting to scrape burning faeces off its shoes.

Leonard: Why should I do something? You're the one who introduced her to online gaming.
Sheldon: Well, yes, but you're the one who said hello to her when she moved in. If you'd just simply restrained yourself, none of this would be happening.

Sheldon: An article was just published in Scientific American about our theory.
Leonard: Did they hate it?
Sheldon: No, no, they loved it. They couldn't say enough nice things about it.
Leonard: So what's the problem?
Sheldon: You know how the pennysaver only has my name on it?
Leonard: Sheldon!
Sheldon: They didn't mention you in the article, only me.
Leonard: Really?
Sheldon: I know. It's not fair. *massages Leonard's shoulders* Let the anger go, buddy. You just, you relax all your muscles, except for your pubococcygeus and anal sphincter. Let's keep those going.

Sheldon: I have mixed feelings about interviews. I like the part where I talk, but I do not like the part where the other man talks.

Amy: Sheldon, this article doesn't mention Leonard at all.
Sheldon: Oh, that can't be right.
Amy: It only refers to Dr. Cooper and his team. Did you even talk about him?
Sheldon: All I did was answer a few questions about the theory, and then express my gratitude that Scientific American doesn't include any of those smelly perfume cards.

Amy: Poor Leonard.
Sheldon: Why? The theory he came up with just got mentioned in Scientific American. He ought to be thrilled.
Amy: He might not be.
Sheldon: Maybe you're right. He is kind of a lump.

Amy: Remember that time you didn't get picked to pull the sword out of the stone at Disneyland and they let that other kid do it?
Sheldon: Oh, that kid!
Poor Leonard.
Amy: Exactly.
Sheldon: For the record, that kid was a terrible choice. If you cry when you drop your churro, you do not have what it takes to rule England.

Sheldon: It's like when Stan Lee and Steve Ditko invented Spider-man. Stan Lee may get all the credit, but Steve Ditko knows he was just as important. Even though Stan Lee gets to be in all the Marvel movies, and he's far richer, and he's a household name. You know, where as if you say Ditko, that sounds like a company that makes Dits.

Sheldon: Please, I have ideas all day long. Reverse SeaWorld where dolphins are allowed to pet people.
A new clothing size between medium and large called Marge.
Snow White retold from the point of view of Sneezy. Why won't Doc prescribe him something? We finally find out.

Leonard: Oh, now he's a genius? All you ever do is make fun of him and engineering.
Sheldon: Leonard, please. His mother just died.

Sheldon: Oh, well apparently, Leonard thinks he's better than everyone in the whole world. Including those fighting for our freedom. Well, I don't know about you, but I support our boys overseas.
Amy: And girls.
Sheldon: Hey, you already ruined Thor, give it a rest.

Bernadette: Hey! Sheldon, Leonard, living room right now.
Sheldon: She said my name first. That must kill you.

Sheldon: So, they're requesting that the white boy play the funky music, yes?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: And this music we're listening to right now is funky as well?
Leonard: Sure.
Sheldon: Let me ask you this. Do you think this song is the music the white boy ultimately plays?
Leonard: It could be.
Sheldon: So it's like the musical equivalent of Russell's Paradox. The question of whether the set of all sets that don't contain themselves as members contains itself.
Leonard: Exactly.
Sheldon: Well then, I hate it. Music should just be fun.

Sheldon: Aren't you worried that sitting in the lobby for a long period of time might attract the attention of the hotel detective?
Leonard: If we do, we'll just tell him to hit the bricks, see.
Sheldon: Seems a little confrontational, but all right.

Leonard: I don't think George Lucas put his headquarters in the middle of nowhere because he wanted people dropping in.
Sheldon: Yoda's swamp was in the middle of nowhere. Tatooine was in the middle of nowhere. Hoth was in the middle of nowhere. That's code, Leonard. He wants us to drop in.