Sheldon: I asked myself what is the most mind-numbing, pedestrian job conceivable, and three answers came to mind. Toll both attendant, an Apple Store genius, and what Penny does. Now, since I don't like touching other people's coins, and I refuse to contribute to the devaluation of the word genius, here I am.

Sheldon: A girls night? Oh, I don't know if I'm up for an evening talking rainbows, unicorns and menstrual cramps.

Sheldon: No, thank you. But for the record, I'm an excellent dancer. Proficient in the rumba, waltz and cha-cha.
Amy: Really?
Sheldon: I don't see why that's surprising. I excel at so many things. You've had my sourdough bread.

Leonard: I've dated plenty of women. There was Joyce Kim, Leslie Winkle.
Sheldon: Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary. The word plenty has been redefined to mean two.

Leonard: I would appreciate it if you would, you know, make yourself scarce.
Sheldon: Leonard, I am a published theoretical physicist with two doctorates and an IQ which can't be accurately measured by normal tests, how much scarcer could I be?

Sheldon: Of all the overrated physicists in all the labs in all the world, why does it have to be Leslie Winkle?

Sheldon: We're scientists, we can conduct our own research. I propose that we imprison two street people-
Amy: No.
Sheldon: You didn't even let me finish.
Amy: Forget it.
Sheldon: Oh, so you can experiment on all the apes you want, but I want to manipulate the emotions of two captive human beings, suddenly I'm the monster.

Sheldon: As a Texas gentleman, I'm inclined to say ladies first. Although, I'm concerned that level of politeness and charm may make you fall in love with me before the test even begins.

Sheldon: As much as I'd love to meet Euclid, inventor of the geometric proof, he probably wore sandals and I can not look at toes during dinner.

Penny: What's yours?
Sheldon: I wake up. I enjoy some french toast with butter and syrup. Then a wormhole opens and whisks me millions of years into the future, where my towering intellect is used to save the last remnants of mankind from a predatory alien race.
Penny: Interesting you didn't mention Amy.
Sheldon: Who do you think made the french toast and syrup?

Sheldon: Given our new found intimacy, I'd say we have some hard choices to make.
Penny: Like what?
Sheldon: Gary Con. Do we fly or drive? Do we wear costumes? And if so, who gets to be Gary?

Sheldon: We might as well stop. It's a stalemate. You're beating me at tetris, but you've got the upper body strength of a Keebler Elf.

Shopper: Excuse me, do you know anything about this stuff?
Sheldon: I know everything about this stuff.

Shopper: Which hard drive do I want? Firewire or USB?
Sheldon: It depends on what Bus you have.
Shopper: I drive a Chevy Cavalier.
Sheldon: Oh my God.

Leonard: You know what, go to Hell and set their thermostat.
Sheldon: I don't have to go to Hell. At 73 degrees, I'm already there.