Mary Cooper: Shelly does not like change.
Sheldon: True. But all the clenching in the world will not keep testicles in your abdomen.

Beverly Hofstadter: I'm terribly sorry that I upset your mother.
Sheldon: Oh, it's all right. She'll forgive you. She has to or she goes to hell.

Sheldon: But still, you need to consider how successful Leonard's brother and sister are.
Beverly Hofstadter: I suppose.
Sheldon: While my brother and sister are mouth-breathing idiots.

Beverly Hofstadter: Do you suppose you would have flourished more in a more reward-based environment?
Sheldon: Perhaps. But my mom made me spaghetti with chopped up hot dogs whenever I wanted, so who cares.

Penny: Still haven't heard from her?
Sheldon: No, and I'm confused. It's been nearly 24 hours. Amy should have figured out she's wrong by now.

Leonard: It's not just the date. We haven't talked about anything. Big wedding, small wedding, indoor, outdoor...
Sheldon: Outdoor? Oh. I can RSVP no right now.

Penny: All right, well, I want it in a church.
Leonard: Fine. I want black-tie.
Penny: Fine. I want to release butterflies.
Sheldon: Seriously? Airborne worms?

Leonard: Okay. Well, then it's settled: small indoor church wedding, black-tie, no butterflies.
Penny: Sounds perfect.
Leonard: Great.
Sheldon: You still didn't pick a date.
Penny: Stay out of it!
Leonard: Shut up!

Sheldon: Hey, next, why don't we tackle your penchant for whining and Penny's love of the old glug-glug?

Zack: I haven't been to a comic book store in literally a million years.
Sheldon: Literally? Literally a million years?

Leonard: Buddy, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?
Sheldon: Yes. If I ever talk about going out with a girl again, roll your eyes at me, like I do to you when you say dumb things.

Sheldon: Wow. Marriage must agree with you. You are just glowing.
Leonard: I'm not glowing. I'm upset.
Sheldon: Well, whatever it is, it agrees with you.

Sheldon: Knock, knock, knock, Penny. Knock, knock, knock, Penny. Knock, knock, knock, Penny.

Sheldon: You know, this might sound far-fetched, but I'm on the market now. If I dated Mandy, that would teach both Leonard and Amy a lesson.
Penny: That's ridiculous.
Sheldon: Oh, you're right. I could never be with a woman whose self-esteem is so low she could be with Leonard.
Penny: I'm with Leonard.
Sheldon: Yeah, I know. Forever.

Penny: Well, I told her to be true to herself and do what makes her happy.
Sheldon: Do what makes her happy? She plays the harp and her car is paid for. How much happier can she be?