Sheldon: Would you mind opening the door and then angrily slamming it behind me?
Penny: Sure.
Sheldon: Thank you.
And slam it hard, because I am pretty steamed.

Sheldon: Why are you up?
Leonard: How am I supposed to sleep? I've been married less than twenty-four hours and my wife isn't speaking to me.
Sheldon: Perhaps you can think of this in a more positive light. In one day, you've managed to do what it takes many couples decades to achieve.

Amy: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: I'm here to return your belongings. That's what people who've broken up do.
Amy: And you didn't do your compulsive knocking ritual so I'd open the door?
Sheldon: On the contrary, you no longer get to enjoy my charming eccentricities. We're not friends with benefits.

Sheldon: Tonight's theme: Flags of countries that have been torn apart, and the women I have a feeling were responsible.

Sheldon: Well, I'd hardly call this kidnapping. Where's the blindfold? Where's the duct-tape? Where's the part where you call me and demand ransom? And I try to keep you on the phone but you hang up seconds before I can trace it. And then I say, "I'm getting too old for this crud."

Sheldon: It's bad enough that I'm being taken against my will. I don't see why it has to be in some hippie's mobile sex dungeon.

Raj: Perhaps some of his mojo will rub off on us. Maybe between this and his beach house, we will be inspired to greatness.
Sheldon: I usually don't put too much stock in charms and talismans. However, even I must admit feeling Richard Feynman's butt dent cupping my own bottom that does get the creative juices flowing.
Howard: Hey, I have to return this van. Keep your creative juices in your pants.

Sheldon: What was that?
Howard: I think it's a tire.
Sheldon: What if it's banditos shooting at us? What if we get kidnapped? What if we end up in a factory making Bart Simpson pinatas for the rest of our lives?

Sheldon: Just a few more signatures, and we'll be finished. Initial here to acknowledge that you've returned your key. Okay. As my future neighbor, I'd like you to have a key. Initial here to acknowledge you received it.

Penny: I'm proud of you. You're taking this really well.
Sheldon: Well, it's not like I'm never going to see you two again. Which brings us to article 23 subsection C. Please check here to reserve your spot at the ten year roommate reunion.
Leonard: Do I really have to do that now?
Sheldon: No, but if you want chicken and get stuck with the fish, that's on you.

Sheldon: In general, would you say that you smell better, worse or the same as you do right now?

Sheldon: You're healthy. You have a job in the sciences. I've got to say, if this credit report comes back good, you're the frontrunner.
Amy: (via video chat) I'm not gonna be your roommate, Sheldon.
Sheldon: But I met with 11 people, and they all walked out. And that Hollywood phony Chris Pratt never tweeted me back.

Sheldon: What happened to me, Amy? Years ago I was completely disengaged from my feelings. I'd say it was a happier time, but I was disengaged from my feelings, so who can tell?

Amy: I don't know how to help you. You know, feelings are a part of life.
Sheldon: They didn't used to be. You and Leonard and Penny, you all poisoned me with emotions. I was like the Tin Man, perfectly content until that evil Wizard gave him a heart.
Amy: I don't think that was the point of the movie.
Sheldon: Fine, then I was like Pinocchio before that jerk Geppetto went and made him a real boy.
Amy: There you go.

Penny: Hang on. Wait, you actually think it's 2003?
Sheldon: No, just because I'm living my life like it was 12 years ago doesn't mean I'm delusional.
And since it is 2003, I don't know who you are, so please exit the premises before I call the police on my stylish new flip phone.