Sheldon: Just give me one minute, and I'll get started on a new Roommate Agreement.
Yeah, nothing from Pratt. We're good.

Leonard: Look at all these activities the university has. Rock climbing club, archery, flag football.
Sheldon: Had me at flag, lost me at football.

Leonard: Listen, I should warn you that maybe asking Amy out isn't a good idea.
Sheldon: Barry, a word?
Leonard: And now the crazy version of what I just said.
Sheldon: If you intend to pursue Amy, you leave me with no choice but to put a stop to it.
Barry Kripke: And how are you gonna do that?
Sheldon: By challenging you to a duel.
Barry Kripke: You've had one lesson. I'll destroy you.
Sheldon: That is why the duel will take place at high noon, three years from today. If you're worth your salt as an instructor, I should be ready by then.
Yeah, and be warned. I'm going to touch you all over.
Leonard: Wow, that was crazier than I thought.

Sheldon: Leonard, if that Swedish team beats us, I will never be able to enjoy anything from their country again. Which is a shame, because Swedish meatballs are my favorite toothpick-delivered meatball.

Leonard: Oh, hey. I just heard back from the liquid helium guy.
Sheldon: What'd he say?
Leonard: He's got what we need and can meet us tonight.
Sheldon: Oh, really? You know I don't like buying things at night.
January 7, 2009. I went to the Ralph's at 11:30pm to pick up Cracklin' Oat Bran for the morning, and what did I see?
Leonard: The man restocking the cereal shelves.
Sheldon: That's right. And what did he do?
Leonard: He handed you the box directly and called you Stretch.
Sheldon: (shudders) It's like it was yesterday.

Leonard: That must be him.
Sheldon: Oh, of course. A nondescript, white panel van.
You may be familiar with it from the sentence: "Their bodies were found in a nondescript, white panel van."

Leonard: He wants more money.
Sheldon: Well, it better not be more than a thousand dollars. That's all I've got on me.
Dealer: That's exactly how much it is.
Sheldon: Finally, something breaks our way.

Sheldon: Well, the Swedes might beat us, but at least we won't get gang-noogied in prison.
Leonard: Is Ernest Goes to Jail the only prison movie you've seen?
Sheldon: It scared me straight, Leonard.

Sheldon: Penny, you spent some time in front of the camera. Any words of advice?
Penny: Yes. Don't take your shirt off just because the director said so.
Sheldon: This is a documentary about Mr. Spock. I'm sure if there's nudity, it will be tasteful.

Sheldon: Hello, Amy. It's Sheldon. Yeah, I know that we're broken up, but I'm leaving this message because I thought perhaps you'd like to watch me be interviewed for a documentary about Mr. Spock.
Or as I like to call it, a Spockumentary.
Yeah, I'm going to use that joke in the interview, so try to laugh like you're hearing it for the first time.
You know, hysterically. And with a tinge of sadness that I'm no longer in your life.

Adam Nimoy: And what is your earliest memory of the character Spock?
Sheldon: The first episode of Star Trek: The Original Series I ever saw was "The Galileo Seven." Uh, Spock had just landed on the planet Taurus II.
Then my brother came in, sat on my head, and said, "Eat farts." After that day, I was hooked.
On Star Trek, not my brother's sphincter-based cuisine.

Sheldon: Not only is it signed to me but this is where he wiped his mouth. So we are currently in the presence of Leonard Nimoy's DNA.
Wil Wheaton: Um, doesn't Adam count as Leonard Nimoy's DNA?
Sheldon: No offense, but this is pure 100% Nimoy. Because of your mother, you're only 50%. Which isn't bad, but anything that you wipe your mouth on gets thrown away.

Penny: What else you hiding in there?
Sheldon: Wouldn't you like to know?
Penny: I would.
Sheldon: All right then. See, just my valuables. My passport, uh, my will-
Leonard: You have a will?
Sheldon: Yeah. My 1/18 scale Wil Wheaton action figure.

Adam Nimoy: What about from when you were a kid?
Sheldon: Oh, certainly.
Sheldon: Uh, when I was eight years old, Billy Sparks cornered me in the playground.
I asked myself, "What would Spock do?" Then I grabbed Billy on his shoulder and performed my first Vulcan nerve pinch.
Adam Nimoy: Did it work?
Sheldon: Oh, no. He broke my collarbone. I can still hear it click.

Leonard: Well, now instead of idolizing fictional characters, you can focus on the real people who are already in your life.
Sheldon: Those are very wise words.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: They'd just be so much more comforting if they came out of a television.