Howard: Maybe she's waiting to show up at the last possible moment.
Sheldon: Ugh, sounds like a drama queen. Oh, no. It is Jennifer Lawrence.

Sheldon: You know, for a Thanksgiving buffet in an aquarium cafeteria, that was really bad.
Amy: You're just upset 'cause they ran out of Pilgrim hats.
Sheldon: They gave one to that baby. He wasn't even awake.
Amy: Well, it wouldn't be a holiday without you being mad at a baby.

Sheldon: Okay, your turn.
Amy: Hmm. Seal, hagfish, SpongeBob SquarePants.
Sheldon: Well, I'd befriend SpongeBob but he's not real, so I can't do that, can I?
Amy: But you can pal around with a hagfish?
Sheldon: Hey, let's not pull at that thread.
Okay, I'll fight SpongeBob, because he's so friendly we'll just end up tickling each other. Um, I'll befriend the seal, because he's trainable, which was the problem I'm having with my current friends. Which means I'll have to eat the hagfish.
Amy: Isn't that gross? I mean, a hagfish can produce enough mucus to fill a bucket in a minute.
Sheldon: I know. It makes its own gravy, it'll slide right down.

Sheldon: Oh, I watched a video of the hagfish producing mucus, so I'm gonna change my answer and eat SpongeBob.

Sheldon: People are also delighted by your love of pranks. (Softly) For example, Leonard has no idea what I did to his coffee. It wasn't "replace it with Folger's crystals," I'll tell you that much.

Sheldon: Good news, gentlemen. Amy's at a conference this weekend, which means I'm available to be entertained, hmm. As today's youth might put it: Who wants to get their Sheld-on?

Sheldon: Well, then it looks like we have a winner. Congratulations.
Raj: Well, I should warn you, it's just looking at data for hours and hours on a computer screen.
Sheldon: Uh, stop selling it, kid. You won.

Leonard: How was your day?
Penny: Oh, not good. Still couldn't get in to see Dr. Gallo.
Sheldon: A doctor? Well, I hope you're not contagious. I've got a weekend in the telescope room I've been excited about for almost three minutes.

Sheldon: Well, I can be helpful. Give me something to do. You know, my father took me to work once, and in ten minutes I figured out who'd been stealing from the cash register.
It was my father. Yeah, Dad lost his job, but Mr. Hinckley gave me a Fudgsicle.

Sheldon: Can you believe they planned a trip to Las Vegas and didn't invite me?
Amy: Did you refuse to apologize and act like they were stupid for being mad?
Sheldon: You know, I liked it better when there was still a little mystery left in our relationship.
Amy: Everyone tried to take care of you, and you were nothing but mean to them.
Sheldon: I can't believe you're not on my side. I was on your side when someone stole your car radio.
Amy: Who else's side could you have been on?
Sheldon: I don't know. A music-loving hobo with a heart of gold?

Sheldon: Okay, here it comes. You tried to take care of me when I was sick, and I was mean to you. There's no excuse for that. And I'm truly sorry.
Leonard: Thank you. I appreciate that.
Sheldon: I want you to know that that is sincere. I do feel bad. I'm not just saying it to be included on your trip.
Leonard: Appreciate that, too.
Sheldon: Terrific. Now all that's left is for you to invite me to come. Me to ask, "Are you sure?" You to say, "Absolutely." And then me to bring it home with, "How could I say no to that face?"
Leonard: You're still not coming.
Sheldon: What? But I apologized and I meant it. I know that we don't play this game very often, but you're doing it wrong.
Leonard: Sheldon, I accept your apology, but you upset a lot of people while you were sick. I'm not in a position to just say you can come.
Sheldon: Well, all right. What if I apologize to all of them?
Leonard: Fine, if you apologize to everyone, they all say it's okay, then yes, you can come.
Sheldon: Challenge accepted! Sounds like it's time for the Sheldon Cooper Apology Tour.
Leonard: Well, I hope it's as much fun as the Sheldon Cooper Spell-Checks Local Menus Tour.
Sheldon: My goodness! Do you remember "comes with apsparagus"?

Sheldon: Howard and Bernadette, you tried to comfort me when I was ill, and I treated you terribly. I'm sorry.
Howard: Wow. I'm impressed.
Sheldon: No, no, no, wait. I'm not done. Allow me to underscore my sentiment with a haunting rendition of Brenda Lee's "I'm Sorry" played on the pan flute.
Howard: Apology accepted!
Bernadette: Forgiven, forgiven!
Sheldon: All right, that's eight hours of practice down the drain.

Sheldon: That's not her. That's not her. That's not her. That's not her.
That's not her. That's not her. That's not her. That's not her.
Leonard: Really? The old Asian man is not your Meemaw?
Sheldon: And that's not helpful.

Sheldon: Are you comfortable?
Meemaw: Very. It's nice to rest after 800 flights of stairs.
Sheldon: You were so cute, huffin' and puffin'.

Sheldon: A Texas Special cattle and calf car train set with authentic horn and bell! Thank you, Meemaw!
Meemaw: Oh, you're welcome, Moonpie.
Sheldon: Amy, why don't you look excited? You get to watch me play with this!