Stuart Bloom Quotes Page 4 of 14

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Quote from the episode The Proposal Proposal

Stuart: Uh you know, they might like this. Superman and Wonder Woman, it's kind of romantic.
Raj: Hmm. You know what? Why am I buying them a gift? They have love. Screw them and their happiness. What do you have for someone who's bitter and alone?
Stuart: Literally everything.

Quote from the episode The Proposal Proposal

Raj: They're my friends, and I should be happy for them. And I'm trying, but all I feel is this gnawing, empty sensation in my gut.
Stuart: I had that once. Turned out it was a tapeworm.
Raj: Cool.

Quote from the episode The Proposal Proposal

Raj: It's just it's hard talking to my other friends about this, but I knew you would understand.
Stuart: Why is that?
Raj: Because you and I are both alone, which is actually kind of comforting, because at least we can be alone together.
Stuart: Mm. This is, this is awkward. I, um, I was actually gonna close up a little early tonight 'cause I have a date.
Raj: Really?
Stuart: Yeah.
Raj: (clears throat) Forgive me if I'm having trouble being happy for you.
Stuart: Don't be silly, I'm loving your pain.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Howard: Should we do something about Nowitzki?
Leonard: Like what?
Raj: Well, she's single, so if somebody else asks her out and she says yes, then we know she's not into Sheldon.
Stuart: I'll do it.
Leonard: No offense, Stuart, but the woman's a doctor.
Stuart: So? Doctors like me. Whenever I see mine he calls in a bunch of other doctors to have a look.
Howard: She's not that kind of doctor.
Stuart: Oh. Well, her loss. I've been called a genuine medical oddity.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Raj: Actually, I was going to suggest me.
Howard: Great. Anybody's better than, (glancing at Stuart) mmm.
Stuart: Excuse me. They took out my spleen and gallbladder, not my feelings.

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Bernadette: When I go back to work, we're gonna leave her with these people. We don't know anything about them.
Howard: They're highly-trained educators with background checks. They're even required to be current on all vaccinations.
Stuart: You leave her with me, and I'm not any of those things.

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Howard: How about after this we go see the exotic bird show?
Stuart: Not a good idea. My hair is a coveted nesting material.

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Bernadette: It's not just the sloth. Polar bears nurse their cubs for almost eight months. The orangutan mother builds her baby a new home every night. And what do I do? I choose my career over my child!
Stuart: (To Howard) Told you we should have gone to Legoland.

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Howard: What are you making?
Stuart: Chicken. Birds mess with my hair, I come back hard.

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Howard: Look, if you're not ready to go back to work, we'll figure something out.
Bernadette: No, I'll be fine.
Stuart: It might be good for her. Howard's mother was around him all the time, and he's a world-class mama's boy.
Howard: (scoffs) I mean, wh-why would you say that?
Stuart: Go ahead, have a tantrum; that'll prove me wrong.

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Howard: What are you doing here?
Stuart: Can't a guy hang out at a college he doesn't go to and stare at a baby that isn't his?

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Stuart: Is it weird if we just stand here and watch her all day?
Howard: Probably.
Stuart: We should go.
Howard: Yeah.
Stuart: Or we could take her to the aquarium.
Howard: I'll get her, you grab her bag.
Stuart: Hang on, Halley, we're busting you out of there!

Quote from the episode The Recollection Dissipation

Stuart: Oh, thanks again for letting me use your laptop last night.
Bernadette: No problem.
Stuart: Was just doing my taxes.
Bernadette: Okay.
Stuart: Actually, if I could if I could just check one more-
Bernadette: Already cleared the browser history.
Stuart: You're a good woman.

Quote from the episode The Recollection Dissipation

Bernadette: Yeah, I mean, with you and my parents, she's gonna be fine.
Stuart: Ah, of course she is.
Bernadette: And that day care is great.
Stuart: It is. I went to check it out, and they are very cautious about letting strange men with no kids peek in the windows.

Quote from the episode The Recollection Dissipation

Stuart: Uh, other than burp you or give you a bottle, I don't know what to do right now.

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