Sheldon: A machine that reads emotions is intriguing. It could help me be a more considerate friend.
Bernadette: Wouldn't that be nice.
Sheldon: It could also help me identify my enemies, discover their fears and then I could use those fears to destroy them.
Bernadette: I like the first one.

Raj: Now that Sheldon's across the hall, have you decided what you're doing with his old room?
Leonard: I was thinking maybe a library or a gaming room.
Sheldon: You could make it a train room.
Leonard: I don't like trains. You like trains.
Sheldon: I know, and Amy says I can't have a train room.

Amy: Now, I'm gonna look at some pictures to prompt an emotional response, and we'll see if the machine can identify them accurately.
Howard: Okay, remember, it can only detect happy, sad, angry and excited. Not other things you're feeling, like, "What have I done with my life?"

Amy: What does it say I'm feeling?
Sheldon: Sad.
Amy: Yes. I'm looking at a picture of my grandma.
Sheldon: Oh, that makes sense, 'cause she's gone and you miss her.
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: And you're worried that turkey neck is in your future. What, now, see, now it says you're mad. Make up your mind.

Bernadette: Is that Emily your ex-girlfriend?
Raj: Yeah. I'm getting all my exes together in order to discuss why they broke up with me and how I can be a better boyfriend.
Howard: Oh, God. You went through with that? What is wrong with you?
Raj: We are going to find out.

Bernadette: You're not gonna get information, you're just gonna get criticism that hurts your feelings.
Raj: Don't worry, I'm a grown man. I have a thick skin.
Howard: (chuckles) You're so stupid.
Raj: Hey!

Sheldon: Hey, Leonard, if you're happy and you know it, no need to clap your hands, because I have an emotion detector.

Amy: What's that? Are you working on your resume?
Penny: No, it's my brother's. I'm trying to help him get a job out here.
Sheldon: Oh, ooh! And that makes Leonard angry.
Leonard: No, it doesn't.
Sheldon: What? Leonard, please. I know an angry face when I see it. It's this red frowny guy on my phone.

Penny: I don't see the big deal if my brother comes and stays for a while.
Leonard: If you get him a job, he's gonna live here forever!
Penny: He would get his own place.
Leonard: Has he ever had his own place?
Penny: Yes!
Leonard: Did it have a metal toilet next to the bed?
Penny: It still counts.

Amy: Come on, Sheldon, let's go.
Sheldon: Gladly. Can we storm out?
Amy: I think it loses its impact if we're chatting about it.
Sheldon: Fine. I'll just give them the finger. (Sheldon gives them a thumbs down)

Raj: Uh, heads up, both of you are named Emily, so we'll call you "red-headed Emily" and you, "red-headed Emily, Junior."

Raj: Okay, uh, let's get things started. Um, why don't we go around the room, say your name, and why you broke up with me. Want to kick it off?
Lucy: Oh, okay. Um, I'm Lucy, and I broke up with Raj because I have severe social anxiety, and he kept trying to force me into uncomfortable situations.
Howard: Like this one?
Lucy: Yeah.

Raj: I did do that. I can be insensitive to other people's boundaries. Howard, would you write that down?
Howard: "Schmuck." Got it.

Claire: Um I'm Claire. And I guess I broke up with you because you were just really needy. Also, you were incredibly vain. Like, all the time you spent shaping your eyebrows-
Raj: Okay, new rule. Everybody only gets one.

Emily: Ooh, I'm not sure I'm comfortable sharing details about our relationship in front of Howard.
Raj: Oh. He's here to support me, so anything you have to say you can say in front of him.
Emily: Okay. Well, whenever you and I were in bed-
Raj: Howard, get out.
Howard: Not a chance.