Sheldon: I'm taking a sabbatical because I won't kowtow to mediocre minds.
Penny: So you got canned, huh?
Sheldon: Theoretical physicists do not get 'canned'. But yeah.

Sheldon: Oh boy.
Penny: What now?
Sheldon: Well, while there's some value to taking multivitamins, the human body can only absorb so much. What you're buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine.
Penny: Well, maybe that's what I was going for.
Sheldon: Well, then you would want some manganese.

Mary: Leonard, the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. Thankfully, He blessed me with two other children who are dumb as soup.

Dr. Gablehauser: Now that's impossible, you must have had him when you were a teenager.
Mary Cooper: Oh, aren't you sweet. His father's dead.

Sheldon: The last department party, Professor Finkleday cornered me and talked about spelunking for 45 minutes.
Leonard: Yes, I was there.
Sheldon: You know what's interesting about caves, Leonard?
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Nothing!

Mary Cooper: Leonard, don't trouble yourself. He's stubborn. He may stay in there 'til the rapture.

Mary Cooper: You know we have an Indian gentleman at the church. Dr. Patel. It's a beautiful story. The Lord spoke to him and moved him to give us all 20% off on Lasek. You know those that needed it.

Mary Cooper: You have to take your time with Sheldon. His father, God rest his soul, always used to say to me "Mary, you have to take your time with Sheldon."

Mary Cooper: I tell you, I love that boy to death but he has been difficult since he fell outta me at the K-Mart.

Sheldon: I can't believe he fired me.
Leonard: Well, you did call him a "glorified high school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts."
Sheldon: In my defense, I prefaced that with, "with all due respect."

Mary: I made chicken. I hope it's not one of the animals that you people think is magic.

Mary Cooper: Everybody grab a plate and a pretty place-mat that Shelly wove.

Sheldon: You know, I've been thinking about time travel again.
Leonard: Why, did you hit a roadblock with invisibility?
Sheldon: Put it on the back burner.

Leonard: He sounds like a wise man.
Mary Cooper: Oh, not that wise. He once tried to fight a bobcat for some licorice.

Mary Cooper: Now, after a moment of silent meditation, I'm going to end with "In Jesus name". Now you two, don't feel under any obligation to join in. Unless, of course, the Holy Spirit moves you.