Quotes from ‘The Retraction Reaction’

The Retraction Reaction

'The Retraction Reaction' - Season 11, Episode 2

Leonard fears for his job when he gives a downbeat assessment of the state of physics research in a national radio interview. Meanwhile, Amy and Bernadette realize they both feel they have to hide success in their careersĀ from their significant others.

Air Date: October 2, 2017.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Uh, One dumpling left. Who wants it?
Amy: Maybe you should offer it to the pregnant lady.
Sheldon: And that would be..?
Bernadette: Me, Sheldon. I'm obviously pregnant.
Sheldon: Well, you never said it to my face. And the last time I assumed a woman was pregnant, it did not go over well.
Penny: Yeah, I'm still mad at you.
Sheldon: You were drinking water instead of wine. What was I supposed to think?

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: At the office, I have two assistants! I don't even know their names. I just call them Thing 1 and Thing 2.
Amy: I don't have assistants.
Bernadette: I guess that's one of the benefits of being in the private sector. That and all the money I make!

Quote from Penny

Howard: We're going to see Richard Feynman. Penny, Richard Feynman is an iconic phys-
Penny: I know who he is. Leonard dressed as him for Halloween last year.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Oh, hi, you wanted to see me?
Ms. Davis: Yes. I wanted to talk to you about the e-mail you sent me last night.
Leonard: I sent you an e-mail?
Ms. Davis: You bet you did. "Hello. Shalom and aloha from the grave of Richard Feynman."
Leonard: (groans) Oh, it's coming back to me.
Ms. Davis: "Please accept the following retraction: I know I said physics is dead, but it is the opposite of dead. If anything, it is undead, like a zombie. Speaking of which, if Richard Feynman came back as a zombie, I would totally let him bite me."
Leonard: Any chance that's the end?
Ms. Davis: "I got bit by a squirrel once. I had to get rabies shots. I cried so much, my mother said 'don't be a baby'. In conclusion, physics is great. Squirrels suck, and someday, I'm gonna put my mom in a cheap nursing home. Yours truly, XOXO, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter."
Leonard: I-I-I can explain.
Ms. Davis: "P.S Can you come pick us up? The Uber driver won't open the door because Sheldon is covered in blue vomit."

Quote from Amy

Amy: The university has been throwing money at my study. With any luck, there'll be a brain disease with my name on it.
Bernadette: Fingers crossed.
Amy: Which is ironic, because if you had Fowler's palsy, you wouldn't be able to cross your fingers.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: Should he be saying that?
Raj: Uh, probably not.
Howard: Yeah, this is public radio. Doesn't he realize that dozens of people might hear him?

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Hi.
Sheldon: Hello.
Amy: Huh. Looks like you've been busy.
Sheldon: Oh, I have. Uh, dark matter, uh, reconciling gravity and quantum mechanics. Supersymmetry. I've figured out the biggest problems in physics today.
Amy: Wow, you solved them all?
Sheldon: No, I just, I figured out that they're the biggest problems.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: This is depressing. Do you have any alcohol around here?
Sheldon: Uh, not surprisingly, when Penny moved out, she took every last drop.

Quote from Amy

Bernadette: You know, there's so much money in pharmaceuticals, we don't even wash out our old test tubes. We just throw 'em out and get new ones.
Amy: I just got a brand new, state-of-the-art fMRI machine.
Bernadette: Whoa, those things are so expensive.
Amy: I know! Sometimes I just lie down in there and take a nap. It's like a million dollar bunk bed.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: I'm surprised Sheldon's not up here playing with all your new toys.
Amy: Actually, I haven't told him about it. We've been getting so much more funding than physics, he's been a little sensitive.
Bernadette: So you're just gonna hide your success from him?
Amy: I know. Am I terrible?
Bernadette: No. I do that, too! Howie thought my company retreat was in Boise? It was in Tahiti.

Quote from Bernadette

Amy: That's such a relief. I mean, part of me was worried I was being unfair to Sheldon.
Bernadette: Take that part of yourself and hide it away. Just like I did with last year's bonus check that I didn't get.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Look, I know I screwed up, but it was only one interview. How much damage could it have caused?
Ms. Davis: Would you like for me to read you the e-mails from donors asking why are they giving us money if physics is a dead end?
Leonard: I didn't say it was a dead end. I just said that I was worried it might be.
Ms. Davis: So if I just said I was worried you might not have a job next week, how would you feel?
Leonard: Light-headed, and glad you asked me to sit down.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Read it back to me?
Leonard: Oh, hang on. "Yes, one might question the $20 billion "to build and run the Large Hadron Collider, but on the other hand..."
Sheldon: Okay. Um, oh, oh! "On the other hand, contrary to predictions, the collider didn't create a small black hole that devoured the Earth and life as we know it." So, money well spent.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Come on. You guys are physicists. Okay? You're always gonna be physicists. And sure, sometimes, the physics is hard, but isn't that what makes it boring?

Quote from Bernadette

Amy: I'm just saying that my research may actually change the world forever.
Bernadette: I hope it does. 'Cause I'm going to see that world from a yacht so big you could land a helicopter on it!

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Oh, I've got something. I'm being interviewed on public radio this Friday.
Howard: Oh, cool. How come?
Leonard: Uh, the university is trying to get more funding for the physics department, so they want me to go out and talk it up.
Sheldon: Really? You? (Amy whispers to Sheldon) Well, they picked the right person for the job.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: (To Amy) I think he bought it.

Quote from Leonard

Ira Flatow: Hi, I'm Ira Flatow, and this is Science Friday. Joining me today is my guest physicist, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, to talk about all of the exciting research they're doing at Cal Tech.
Leonard: Thank you for having me. Whoa (chuckles) Could never get used to hearing myself in headphones. Is that really how I sound?
Ira Flatow: (chuckles) It is. It is.
Leonard: (deep voice): That is good to know.

Leonard: Okay, just tell me what I can do.
Ms. Davis: I'm gonna need you to make a statement saying that you misspoke, and that you're confident the physics community is close to a major breakthrough.
Leonard: You want me to lie.
Ms. Davis: Look, Dr. Hofstadter, I'm counting on you. I think that you are the smartest physicist at this university.
Leonard: Really?
Ms. Davis: See? Lies. They're not that hard.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Look, not all science pans out. You know, we've been hoping super-symmetry was true for decades, and finally, we built the Large Hadron Collider, which is supposed to prove it by finding these new particles, and it-it hasn't. And maybe super-symmetry, our last big idea, is simply wrong.
Leonard: Well, that sounds awful. Now I get why everyone hates me.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, but I do have several bottles of Romulan ale that I bought at Comic-Con.
Leonard: Isn't that just vodka with blue dye in it?
Sheldon: First, physics, now Romulan ale. What else would you like to defecate on?

Quote from Penny

Penny: Hey, I thought you were coming right back.
Leonard: I was, but we're both depressed, and decided to drown our sorrows.
Penny: With mouthwash? Man, that is so summer camp.
Sheldon: It's Romulan ale, from Star Trek.
Leonard: It was briefly legalized during the alliance between the Romulan Empire and the Federation at the time of the Dominion War.
Penny: Aw, now I'm depressed.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: You know, you're a successful woman. You should be able to brag about your accomplishments once in a while.
Amy: Well, so should you. I mean, the guys are never shy about bragging.
Bernadette: Tell me about it. Howie texts me every time his dog levels up in Warcraft.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: So you guys are upset because the collider thing disproved your theories?
Leonard: It's worse than that. It hasn't found anything in years, so we don't know if we're right, we don't know if we're wrong. We don't know where to go next.
Sheldon: All I know is it looks like I tongue-kissed Avatar.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: No, we don't need to be cheered up. It just turns out that physics is exactly like Lost. Started out great, and turns out just a big old waste of time.

Quote from Bernadette

Amy: The more I told him about my lab, the pissier he got. You know what he said to me? He said, "I hope all your correlations turn out to be specious."
Bernadette: He said that to your face? What a dick.

Quote from Bernadette

Amy: You're right. We both do important work. I'm trying to map the structures of the brain and you're trying to convince people that itchy hair is a real thing.
Bernadette: It is a real thing! It happens to be a side effect of our cholesterol drug.

Quote from Howard

Howard: There's Leonard. I'll bet he's having a rough day.
Raj: Let's just try to be supportive.
Sheldon: Supportive? He publicly maligned the love of my life, Lady Physics.
Howard: You might not want to mention that to Lady Fiance.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Hey, come on, look, you said a few dumb things on the radio-- what is the worst that could happen?
Leonard: I may get fired.
Penny: Okay, well, even if you did, you could find another job.
Leonard: Yeah, who wouldn't want to hire the physicist who publicly said physics is dead?
Penny: Well, I wouldn't put that under "special skills."
Leonard: I can fix it, I just need to write a retraction I don't believe in. Basically sell out to keep my job.
Penny: Great, I'll leave you to it.

Quote from Penny

Howard: We're here. What's going on?
Penny: Okay. As far as I can see, science is dead, 'cause Leonard killed it. And, uh, I don't know who the Romulans are, but those guys know how to party.

Quote from Penny

Raj: Boo-hoo. You know what you sound like? Babies. Two whiny babies. And there's nothing worse than being stuck with two whiny babies!
Howard: Oh. Oh, my God, I'm gonna have two babies.
Raj: No, no, no, no. Babies are great. You're lucky to have two babies. I mean, look at me, uh, I'm all alone.
I'm never gonna have babies, 'cause you can't make a baby watching Netflix with your dog.
Penny: Thanks for coming.

Quote from Leonard

Ira Flatow: So, it has been five years since the discovery of the Higgs boson. What's the next big thing gonna be?
Leonard: Wow, that's hard to say. There's so much going on. We've been collecting tons of data that could revolutionize the way we understand the universe. For instance, there's a particle called a squark, which could prove super-symmetry.
Ira Flatow: That is interesting. Have you found it?
Leonard: What, the squark?
Ira Flatow: Yes.
Leonard: No, no. Wouldn't that be exciting? But we're also looking for the selectron, the gluino and the neutralino.
Ira Flatow: Well, and have you found that?
Leonard: No.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Uh, can we just drop this and have lunch like adults?
Howard: Fine.
Sheldon: Very well. Leonard?
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Pff!

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Is this about what Leonard said on the radio?
Sheldon: Absolutely not. And I do not want to talk about Leonard. Can we please just talk about anything else?
Amy: We could talk about my day.
Sheldon: Walked right into that one, didn't I?

Quote from Penny

Penny: That is enough. Your lives are not wasted. Your careers are not at a dead end. You just hit a rough patch. Instead of feeling sorry for yourselves, you need to get up and get inspired.
Leonard: How?
Penny: I don't know. You know, when I'm feeling down, I go for a run, which is exactly why I'm not 180 pounds, genius!

Quote from Leonard

Howard: I know where we need to go.
Leonard: Are we running there? Because watching drunk Sheldon run would be the highlight of my life.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: I had no idea Richard Feynman was dead.
Howard: Yep. Most people don't know he's actually buried right here in Altadena.
Sheldon: I'm sure they keep a lid on that to avoid traffic jams.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You know, Feynman used to say he didn't do physics for the glory or the awards, but just for the fun of it.
Leonard: He was right. Physics is only dead when we stop being excited about it.
Raj: Even beyond the grave, he's imparting wisdom.
Sheldon: Um, I'm the one who remembered it.

Quote from Bernadette

Amy: Yeah, you've got that. I've got my integrity. Hard to say which one is better without making you feel bad. I may not be making as much money as you, but at least I'm doing something that I know makes people's lives better.
Bernadette: Hey! My work makes peoples lives better. Especially if you have moderate to severe eczema and don't mind if you lose teeth.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Sheldon's right. I would never ask a woman if she was pregnant, unless she tells me or I see a human being wiggling out of her.

Quote from Sheldon

Bernadette: Well, Sheldon, I'm pregnant.
Sheldon: Congratulations. How far along are you?
Bernadette: About three months.
Sheldon: Only three? Good gravy, how many babies are in there?

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Look, I was just speaking the truth. We're scientists. Isn't that what we're supposed to do?
Sheldon: Oh, what would you know about the truth? You thought Phantom Menace was "not half bad."
Leonard: I told you that in confidence!

Leonard: Ms. Davis, you wanted to see me?
Ms. Davis: Yes, Dr. Hofstadter, come on in.
Leonard: Should I sit or stand? I'm not used to being called into the dean's office.
Ms. Davis: Please, sit.
Leonard: I have to say I'm a little nervous.
Ms. Davis: You should be.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I guess we can brag to each other.
Bernadette: That's a great idea.
Amy: Damn right it is; I came up with it. (chuckles) That felt good.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Feynman was so cool. When I was a kid, I'd put on some headphones and crank up one of his lectures and just jam out to knowledge.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: I told him his voice was annoying. He didn't want to listen.
Penny: Hey!
Sheldon: You're saying it's not?
Penny: Just ... hey.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Okay, calm down. Everybody just cool it.
Howard: No, let 'em go. If we get lucky, maybe one of them will start crying.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Well, since you sort of asked, I actually had a very good day. Got some new equipment for my lab.
Sheldon: Well, congratulations. I got some new equipment, too. I got these markers. They smell like fruit.
Which I did not notice when I bought them. (sniffs) Don't really care for it.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Here, drink this. It might help.
Leonard: What if it doesn't?
Penny: Well, that's why I brought the bottle.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: No one would talk to me in the halls. They just glared at me. It's like high school all over again.
Penny: Oh, I would totally do high school all over again. But that doesn't help you.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: I got called in to the administration office.
Penny: Ooh, look at my bad boy getting called to the principal.
Leonard: We don't technically have a principal. There's a standing committee that oversees the budget.
Penny: Ooh, look at my bad boy answering questions nobody asked.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Well, on the bright side, after working together for 15 years, you finally get to hear me say, "You were right."
Leonard: Yeah, you did.
Sheldon: How's it feel?
Leonard: Given I might be unemployed, bittersweet.

Quote from Raj

Penny: Oh, wow. He's buried with his wife.
Raj: We get it. A lady loved you. Quit bragging.

Quote from Raj

Howard: This guy knew how to live. He taught himself musical instruments. He studied Portuguese just to give a speech in Brazil.
Raj: The only part of me that's been to Brazil is my bikini line.
Penny: (taking the Romulan ale away from Raj) Okay.

Quote from Howard

Raj: So, what do you want us to do?
Penny: I don't know. You're scientists; cheer them up.
Howard: "Cheer them up"? Do you even know what a scientist is?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: It's fine. I don't need to be a theoretical physicist. There's lots of things I could use this brain for. I could be an accountant for the mob. I could guess people's weight at the fair.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Okay, let's talk about something that won't infuriate my pregnant wife.
Raj: I read an interesting fact about elephants.
Howard: Try again.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Hey, guys.
Raj: Hey, how's it going?
Sheldon: Pff.
Leonard: What? You got something to say?
Sheldon: I think I just said it. P-F-F. Pff!

Quote from Howard

Howard: Give me the bottle. I mean, it might be a little corny, but I say we pour one out for all the science homies who came before us.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Another fun sidenote, I went to high school with a girl named Theresa Gluino, but it didn't cost $2 billion to find her. She was smoking behind the gym.