Leonard: Look, I know I screwed up, but it was only one interview. How much damage could it have caused?
Ms. Davis: Would you like for me to read you the e-mails from donors asking why are they giving us money if physics is a dead end?
Leonard: I didn't say it was a dead end. I just said that I was worried it might be.
Ms. Davis: So if I just said I was worried you might not have a job next week, how would you feel?
Leonard: Light-headed, and glad you asked me to sit down.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Leonard: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it's over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.

Leonard: [to a "smiling" Sheldon] We're here to see Koothrappali, not kill Batman.

Leonard: Oh, hi, you wanted to see me?
Ms. Davis: Yes. I wanted to talk to you about the e-mail you sent me last night.
Leonard: I sent you an e-mail?
Ms. Davis: You bet you did. "Hello. Shalom and aloha from the grave of Richard Feynman."
Leonard: (groans) Oh, it's coming back to me.
Ms. Davis: "Please accept the following retraction: I know I said physics is dead, but it is the opposite of dead. If anything, it is undead, like a zombie. Speaking of which, if Richard Feynman came back as a zombie, I would totally let him bite me."
Leonard: Any chance that's the end?
Ms. Davis: "I got bit by a squirrel once. I had to get rabies shots. I cried so much, my mother said 'don't be a baby'. In conclusion, physics is great. Squirrels suck, and someday, I'm gonna put my mom in a cheap nursing home. Yours truly, XOXO, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter."
Leonard: I-I-I can explain.
Ms. Davis: "P.S Can you come pick us up? The Uber driver won't open the door because Sheldon is covered in blue vomit."

Bernadette: At the office, I have two assistants! I don't even know their names. I just call them Thing 1 and Thing 2.
Amy: I don't have assistants.
Bernadette: I guess that's one of the benefits of being in the private sector. That and all the money I make!

Sheldon: Uh, One dumpling left. Who wants it?
Amy: Maybe you should offer it to the pregnant lady.
Sheldon: And that would be..?
Bernadette: Me, Sheldon. I'm obviously pregnant.
Sheldon: Well, you never said it to my face. And the last time I assumed a woman was pregnant, it did not go over well.
Penny: Yeah, I'm still mad at you.
Sheldon: You were drinking water instead of wine. What was I supposed to think?