Wil Wheaton: [on TV] Hey, everybody. I'm Professor Proton. Welcome to the show. Today I will be teaching you how to make a real hovercraft using common household items.
Sheldon: Darn it, I do like objects that hover.
Wil Wheaton: [on TV] All you will need is a CD, a bottle cap, a balloon, and some super glue.
Sheldon: Oh, no! I have all those things!

Penny: So, how's the book coming along?
Leonard: Uh, good. I just wrote the part where the hero, hotshot physicist Logan Dean, arrives at CERN.
Penny: Oh, is he based on you?
Leonard: Uh, kind of. But he can eat dairy products without having to leave the room.
Penny: Yeah, that's smart, because CERN is in Switzerland and there's a lot of cheese there.
Leonard: Hmm. Uh, believe me, that is a plot point later.

Leonard: Oh. Oh! I just thought of the murder weapon!
Penny: Swiss army knife?
Leonard: (laughs) No. [after Penny leaves] That's way better.

Sheldon: Look, it works! We did it!
Amy: See, there was a reason to keep that TurboTax CD.
Sheldon: Yeah. A CD-ROM? More like "CD-vroom."

Amy: Do you feel bad you told Wil Wheaton that you'd be his enemy if he did this show?
Sheldon: No. I feel bad I'm engaged to somebody that would point that out.

Wil Wheaton: [on TV] Oh, I wonder who that could be.
Sheldon: Just when I thought this couldn't get any better, Wil has introduced suspense into the show.
Wil Wheaton: [on TV] Hey, it's real NASA astronaut, Howard Wolowitz!
Sheldon: (loudly) What?!

Sheldon: How could Wil ask Howard to be on his show and not me?
Amy: Well, he is an astronaut. And he didn't start an online petition to get Wil fired.
Sheldon: But why wouldn't Howard tell me?
Amy: Well, because he probably worried that you'd be a big baby about it.
Sheldon: All those answers make a lot of sense. Thank you, Amy. That helps.

Sheldon: Howard, I want you to know that I forgive you.
Howard: I'll take it.
Leonard: What's he forgiving you for?
Howard: Don't care. Clean slate. Happy Yom Kippur to me.

Sheldon: I know that you were on Wil's show, and I know why you didn't tell me.
Howard: Do you?
Sheldon: Because you were afraid that I would be difficult and annoying about it.
Howard: (chuckles) I hope your book has a twist as surprising as that.
Leonard: It doesn't.

Bernadette: But this is good so far, really good.
Leonard: Yeah?
Bernadette: Yeah. I have no idea who the killer is.
Leonard: Oh, great. Me, neither.

Wil Wheaton: I want to have more female scientists represented on the show, and I thought maybe Amy might be interested?
Sheldon: Or wouldn't it be nice to have us both on, to show that even female scientists can land a man?
Howard: I said sorry.

Penny: I can't wait to see who the killer is. Is it that Ilsa girl? She seems pretty mean.
Leonard: But adorably mean, like a baby lion?
Penny: No, regular mean, like a regular lion.

Penny: It's pretty obvious; blonde, mean, glasses.
Leonard: It doesn't say "glasses."
Penny: Oh, really?
Leonard: But it will, because Ilsa does. And you know who else wears them? Bernadette. And-and that's her, cause it's, it's totally, it's totally her.

Bernadette: Speaking of which, he came by yesterday to show me his book.
Penny: Oh, and-and what did you think?
Bernadette: I liked it.
Penny: Really? The Ilsa character didn't bother you?
Bernadette: Oh, he was exaggerating. You're not really like that.
Penny: Well, I know I'm not like that. The character was based on you.
Bernadette: I don't know what to tell you. When I brought it up with Leonard, he said it was you.
Penny: Well, when I brought it up, he got all squirrelly and left the room. Son of a bitch.

Penny: I know I'm Ilsa.
Leonard: Wha-? That is crazy. You-you two are totally different.
Penny: How?
Leonard: Well, you- She- Her name's Ilsa.