Howard: Bernie, this is our kid's name. I think we should both agree.
Bernadette: You're right. We both made this baby.
Howard: Thank you.
Bernadette: And I carried it, had to stay in bed for four months, sacrificed my body and my job, and soon it's gonna burst its way out of me like the Kool-Aid Man.
Howard: Exactly. Fifty-fifty.

Amy: I'm trying to get our grant proposal together. Any chance you've finished up those mechanical drawings?
Howard: Oh, sorry. I was gonna do it last night, but I got kind of busy.
Raj: Yeah, you did.
Amy: What are they talking about?
Sheldon: I'll give you a hint. It's something that we have done four times.
Amy: Watched La La Land?
Sheldon: What? No. No. I've not watched La La Land four times. If you find the soundtrack on my phone, that's just 'cause our iTunes accounts are linked.

Penny: Okay, we're gonna start with some nice breathing exercises. (inhales, exhales)
Bernadette: Sorry. I can't think of anything except how flat your belly is.
Penny: Oh, thank you.
Bernadette: Go put on some more clothes, you bitch.

Howard: I can't believe her. She knows I don't want to name the baby after her dad.
Amy: What did you want to name him?
Howard: I don't know. We were gonna wait until we saw what he looked like.
Amy: Well, it's a baby. Her dad's a wrinkly bald man. That wasn't gonna break your way.

Raj: What about Sherman? Like, Sherman Wolowitz.
Leonard: Yeah, that's a kid who's gonna take his mother to prom.
Amy: Hey, Howard, you did that, right?
Howard: I didn't take her. She chaperoned. (chuckles) We slow-danced once.

Bernadette: You know what, maybe we should go.
Howard: Did you have another contraction?
Bernadette: No. I'm just worried that Sheldon's gonna say "mucus plug" again.
Sheldon: And I'm worried one's gonna hit me in the eye.
Howard: Yep, it's time.

Raj: Hey, everything okay?
Howard: Yeah! The baby was born about an hour ago.
Raj: (gasps) Dude, why didn't you call me?!
Howard: (chuckles) The only way I would see my son for the first time and immediately think "I need to call Raj" is if he came out brown.

Howard: Honey, babies don't always come on their due date. Halley was two weeks late. [seeing Bernadette's stare] But this baby's a boy. They don't take as long to get ready.

Bernadette: If you really want to help, put on a rubber glove, reach on up there and start pulling.
Penny: I know you're joking, but I grew up on a farm. I'll do it.

Sheldon: Suez? Birth? It's a big night for canals.

Penny: When did you pick out our kids' names?
Leonard: Remember that day you moved into the building?
Penny: (chuckles) Yes.
Leonard: A non-creepy amount of time after that.

Bernadette: Howie? Howie, wake up. It's time.
Howard: Oh. Did your water break?
Bernadette: No.
Howard: Are you feeling any contractions?
Bernadette: No.
Howard: Wait. Well, where are you going?
Bernadette: To the hospital. Today's my due date, and this crap needs to end now.

Sheldon: I believe today is Bernadette's due date.
Howard: Yeah. How do you know that?
Sheldon: Easy. 40 weeks from the date of her last period.
Howard: And why do you know that?
Sheldon: Well, excuse me for taking an interest in people.

Sheldon: Yeah, not to brag, but Amy's last birthday brought my coital tally up to four.
Leonard: Whatever you're doing, it's not bragging.

Sheldon: See, see. Look at my Netflix queue. There's two documentaries and the movie Friends with Benefits, which I thought was a documentary about employer health care plans.