Raj: I'm telling you, there's an acupressure point right above your ankle that can induce contractions.
Bernadette: All right, but just a warning. My feet are a little swollen.
Raj: Oh, please, Bernadette. I'm sure this ... okay.
Bernadette: What?
Raj: Nothing. Your ankles look fine, and not at all like I just popped open a can of crescent rolls.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.

Penny: What do you mean new roommate? What happened to Leonard?
Sheldon: The same thing that happened to Homo Erectus. He was replaced by a superior species.
Raj: I'm the new homo in town.

Howard: Bernie, this is our kid's name. I think we should both agree.
Bernadette: You're right. We both made this baby.
Howard: Thank you.
Bernadette: And I carried it, had to stay in bed for four months, sacrificed my body and my job, and soon it's gonna burst its way out of me like the Kool-Aid Man.
Howard: Exactly. Fifty-fifty.

Penny: Okay, we're gonna start with some nice breathing exercises. (inhales, exhales)
Bernadette: Sorry. I can't think of anything except how flat your belly is.
Penny: Oh, thank you.
Bernadette: Go put on some more clothes, you bitch.

Howard: I can't believe her. She knows I don't want to name the baby after her dad.
Amy: What did you want to name him?
Howard: I don't know. We were gonna wait until we saw what he looked like.
Amy: Well, it's a baby. Her dad's a wrinkly bald man. That wasn't gonna break your way.