Bernadette: If you really want to help, put on a rubber glove, reach on up there and start pulling.
Penny: I know you're joking, but I grew up on a farm. I'll do it.

Howard: I'm sorry I didn't take you to the airport. I just want you to know I'll never forgive myself for being so selfish. And I promise to keep you close for the rest of my life.
Bernadette: Oh, no, that thing's gonna end up in my bedroom.

Bernadette: Gosh, Amy. I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?

Bernadette: (Shouting from the bathroom) How many times do I have to tell you to replace the toilet paper when it's empty?
Howard: I'm in the middle of something.
Bernadette: So am I!

Howard: Bernie, this is our kid's name. I think we should both agree.
Bernadette: You're right. We both made this baby.
Howard: Thank you.
Bernadette: And I carried it, had to stay in bed for four months, sacrificed my body and my job, and soon it's gonna burst its way out of me like the Kool-Aid Man.
Howard: Exactly. Fifty-fifty.

Amy: I'm trying to get our grant proposal together. Any chance you've finished up those mechanical drawings?
Howard: Oh, sorry. I was gonna do it last night, but I got kind of busy.
Raj: Yeah, you did.
Amy: What are they talking about?
Sheldon: I'll give you a hint. It's something that we have done four times.
Amy: Watched La La Land?
Sheldon: What? No. No. I've not watched La La Land four times. If you find the soundtrack on my phone, that's just 'cause our iTunes accounts are linked.

Penny: Okay, we're gonna start with some nice breathing exercises. (inhales, exhales)
Bernadette: Sorry. I can't think of anything except how flat your belly is.
Penny: Oh, thank you.
Bernadette: Go put on some more clothes, you bitch.