Howard: Oh, I didn't even know I was capable of loving someone so much.
Bernadette: More than me?
Howard: Wha--
Bernadette: Uh, I'm just messing with you. I totally love them more than you.
Howard: I get that. I would take a bullet for them. But I would get seriously mutilated for you.
Bernadette: That's sweet. But you should know, if you got seriously mutilated, I might dump you.
Howard: You'd be crazy not to. Even unmutilated, I'm no prize.

Raj: Well, on one hand, they filled my tub with scented oils and brought me honeyed sweets; on the other hand, I spent my twenties incapable of talking to women. So you know, pros and cons.

Sheldon: Did Albert Einstein ever sit in any of these chairs?
Kathleen: I think these are fairly new. But Stephen Hawking's eaten here a lot.
Sheldon: Yeah, but he brings his own chair, you know?

Kathleen: Here's my card. Why don't you two talk it over, and I will check to see if our soup spoons are "deeper than they are wide".
Sheldon: What? Too deep is a ladle, not a spoon.

Amy: Is that Leonard?
Sheldon: Oh, no, no, these are all dead, accomplished scientists. Leonard will only ever be one of those things.

Howard: Oh, good, you're here. There's (clears throat) something I want to talk to you about.
Bernadette: We're not putting a TV in the bathroom. That's how you get hemorrhoids.

Amy: I know you're upset, but if we want to book the Athenaeum, we really should do it now, and then, I promise, we'll have our whole lives to complain about Leonard.
Sheldon: Aw, somebody got a head start on her vows.

Sheldon: On the other hand, shaming Leonard during our wedding at the very place he betrayed me does have a beautiful symmetry to it.
Amy: That's nice, it'll be your first petty act as a married man.

Sheldon: Although, it is our wedding. Maybe it shouldn't be all about revenge.

Barry Kripke: Well, well, well. This is a pickle.
Sheldon: Yes, so, if you will just move your birthday party to a different location, everything will be fine.
Barry Kripke: Ugh, it's tricky. I don't want to move my party, but I also don't want to help you. Oh, wait, I don't have a problem.

Barry Kripke: Hello, Hofstadter.
Leonard: Why are you cleaning that out yourself? Don't you have grad students?
Barry Kripke: Come on, I can't make my grad students do every dirty job or so I've been told in writing by the head of Human Resources.

Sheldon: Barry, I've come to ask one more- Leonard? Wh-Why are you doing that?
Leonard: Because deep down Barry is not a good guy.

Leonard: I made a deal with him to get you the Athenaeum for your wedding.
Sheldon: Why would you do that?
Leonard: Because I was a jerk for lying to you before and besides, you're my best friend. I want you to have the wedding of your dreams.
Sheldon: On Mars?
Leonard: Okay, I want Amy to have the wedding of her dreams.

Sheldon: We're not going to let Barry win.
Leonard: Well, what are we going to do?
Sheldon: We have a combined IQ of 360. Perhaps more if that radiation gave you a super brain.

Howard: Oh, boy. I really passed out hard.
Raj: Yeah, tell me about it. The kids could've screamed bloody murder and you wouldn't have woken up. Which I know because they did.