Howard: Oh, I didn't even know I was capable of loving someone so much.
Bernadette: More than me?
Howard: Wha--
Bernadette: Uh, I'm just messing with you. I totally love them more than you.
Howard: I get that. I would take a bullet for them. But I would get seriously mutilated for you.
Bernadette: That's sweet. But you should know, if you got seriously mutilated, I might dump you.
Howard: You'd be crazy not to. Even unmutilated, I'm no prize.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Josh: So, I have to ask, was the robot sexy?
Howard: It was actually just a mechanical hand.
Josh: 'Cause that's all you need, right?
Howard: You are my brother.

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Leonard: Do you guys have a location yet? 'Cause you don't have a lot of time.
Amy: Hey, it took us nine months to pick a date, and a week to decide if brains can have lips on them, so get in the boat and row.

Howard: Honestly, it's gonna be hard when we both go back to work. I've been thinking maybe it would be better if one of us decided to stay home.
Raj: I don't know, I was raised by servants, and look at me.
Howard: I literally can't tell if you think that's good or bad.

Sheldon: You know, I'm really happy with our wedding date. The month squared equals the square of the sum of the members of the set of prime factors of the day. Isn't that romantic?
Amy: Yes, it's like that Shakespeare sonnet, "Shall I compare thee to a day that's also a really weird math problem."