Howard: Unbelievable! Components I built are on the International Space Station and I get a ticket for launching a rocket in the park.
Leonard: I don't know if the ticket was so much for the launch as for telling the policewoman "You have to frisk me, I have another rocket in my pants"!

Leonard: Sure, if he wants to spend years doing her homework while she drinks herself into a stupor with non-fat White Russians and you're the one holding her head while she's puking and telling you she wishes more guys were like you. And then she gets into Cornell, because you wrote her essay for her and you drive up to visit her one weekend and she acts like she doesn't even know you.

Howard: I know the type. Cheerleader, student council, goes out with the jocks, won't even look at anybody in the gifted program. If after 2 years of begging, she agrees to go out with you, it turns out to be a setup and you're in your mom's car with your pants off while the whole football team laughs at you. *sobbing*

Howard: It's a small, brown paper bag, ma, I'm looking at it right now. Why would I make that up? There's no Ding Dong in it. How are two Ding Dongs tomorrow gonna help me today?

Rajesh: Why don't we do it your way then? We'll arrange for this girl to move in across the hall from Dennis so he can pathetically moon over her for months on end.
Leonard: Okay, that was uncalled for.
Rajesh: You started it, dude.

Dr. Gablehauser: I thought maybe you boys could show Dennis around, let him see why we're the best physics research facility in the country.
Dennis Kim: I already know you're not. You don't have an open science grid computer, or a free electron laser, and the string theory research being done here is nothing but a dead end.
Sheldon: Excuse me, that is my research, and it is by no means a dead end.
Dennis Kim: Well, obviously you don't see it yet, but trust me, you will.

Sheldon: What the hell do you mean, dead end?
Dennis Kim: I mean, the whole landscape of false vacuums in string theory could be as large as ten to the five-hundredth power. In addition ... ooh, look, chocolate milk.
Sheldon: I sense a disturbance in the force.
Leonard: (Imitating Yoda) A bad feeling I have about this, mmm-hmmm.

Sheldon: Alright, and this is my office.
Dennis Kim: Is this part of the tour?
Sheldon: Nope. Goodbye.
Leonard: Come on, Sheldon, we've hardly shown him anything.
Sheldon: Oh, alright. This is my desk, these are my books, this is my door, please close it behind you. Goodbye.

Leonard: Come on, Dennis, I'll show you the rec centre, they've got nautilus equipment.
Dennis Kim: Do I look like I lift weights?
Leonard: Not heavy ones.

Leonard: It's like looking into an obnoxious little mirror, isn't it?

Leonard: Just eat, Sheldon, you'll feel better.
Sheldon: Why waste food? In Texas when a cow goes dry they don't keep feeding it, they just take her out and shoot her between the eyes.
Penny: I'm confused, did Sheldon stop giving milk?

Leonard: You can't let this kid get to you. You always knew that someday someone would come along who was younger and smarter.
Sheldon: Yes, but I assumed I would have been dead hundreds of years, and that there would be an asterisk by his name because he would be a cyborg.

Penny: So, you've got a bit of competition, I really don't see what the big deal is.
Sheldon: Well of course you don't, you've never excelled at anything.

Sheldon: What exactly is it you do? I know you chatter on about it all the time, but I've never really paid attention.
Leonard: Okay, well, right now I'm designing an experiment to study the soft component of cosmic radiation at sea-level, but I really don't need any help.
Sheldon: Oh, sure you do. Now, see, what's this here in the schematic, is that a laser array?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Now, hmmm. What happens if you use argon lasers instead of helium neon?
Leonard: It would blow up.
Sheldon: Are you sure?
Leonard: Pretty sure.
Sheldon: Pretty sure's not very scientific. Is this how you normally work, just hunches and guesses and stuff?

Sheldon: Hey, Howard. You're a Jew. If there was another wailing wall, exactly like the one in Jerusalem, but close to taco stands and cheap prescription drugs, would you still be able to wail at it?