Howard: I know the type. Cheerleader, student council, goes out with the jocks, won't even look at anybody in the gifted program. If after 2 years of begging, she agrees to go out with you, it turns out to be a setup and you're in your mom's car with your pants off while the whole football team laughs at you. *sobbing*

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Howard: I invented a game. Want to play?
Leonard: Sure.
Howard: It's called Emily or Cinnamon. I give you actual quotes I've heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog.

Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Raj: Can you believe it! He watched me work for 10 minutes and than he tried to build a little piece of software that could replace me.
Leonard: Is that really possible?
Raj: As it turned out, yes.

Sheldon: Engineering. Where the noble semiskilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, Oompa-Loompas of science.

Leonard: Okay, Sheldon, I understand that youre going through a bit of a career crisis, you're searching for some other area where you can feel valuable and productive but I need to tell you something and I want you to listen carefully.
Sheldon: All right.
Leonard: Go away!