Amy: I am not gonna spend weeks in a library looking up old papers. Can't we hire a grad student to do it?
Sheldon: A grad student? I am not trusting our unpublished paper to some millennial. They'll put unicorn emojis on it and then post it on social media.
Amy: Why would they do that?
Sheldon: Economic anxiety, too much avocado toast, who cares?

Amy: But what if we ask one of our friends to help us out? How about Leonard?
Sheldon: Gee, I don't know. Can we trust him?
Amy: He's your best friend in the whole world.
Sheldon: Yes, but he's always struck me as the guy in the plane crash who doesn't wait until you're all the way dead to eat you.
Amy: I think you can trust him.
Sheldon: Oh, Amy, you never lose that childlike innocence.

Raj: Bam, took him out. (chuckles) Now I'm doing a victory dance to celebrate. Where are you?
Howard: About to shoot some dancing jackass.
Raj: Hey!
Howard: And now I'm doing a victory dance.

Bernadette: Sounds fun. Can I play?
Howard: I don't know if you'd like it. It's kind of for gamers.
Bernadette: Hey, I'm a gamer. I play Candy Crush, Bejeweled, and Sesame Street Letter School, which I beat our daughter at every single time.

Leonard: Thanks for helping with this.
Raj: What are friends for?
Leonard: My friend sent me down to this basement to do his grunt work, so I wouldn't know.

Raj: Hey, probably shouldn't say anything, but did you hear about Sheldon and the lunch lady?
Leonard: Yeah, uh, that's not true. That's just something Sheldon made up to test us.
Raj: I wish I'd known that before I called her a floozy in front of the whole lunch line.

Leonard: This is a list of the papers we need to pull. Why don't we split up? You take half, I take half.
Raj: I don't know, it's pretty creepy down here. Maybe we should stay together.
Leonard: Come on, Raj, it's just a library.
Raj: You could say that about anything. It's just a cemetery. It's just a haunted house.
It's just a portal to hell.

Leonard: Fine, how about we split up but we stay in constant communication with each other?
Raj: Yeah, thank you. Leonard?
Leonard: Still here.
Raj: Okay. Leonard?
Leonard: Still here.
Raj: Okay. Leonard? Leonard?
Leonard: (Leonard gasps) Oh, God! Too much dust.

Raj: Why do I have to tell him?
Leonard: You did find it.
Raj: But he's the one who translated it.
Leonard: Okay, okay, how about this? We all tell him.
Howard: Or even better: you tell him.
Raj: Yeah, that makes the most sense.
Leonard: You guys are such cowards.
Howard: Yes, we are.

Denise: What can I help you with?
Bernadette: I was hoping Stuart could show me how to play Fortnite.
Denise: Mm, I can teach you.
Bernadette: Really, you good?
Denise: Look at my skin. I haven't been outside in six years.

Penny: Come on, knock on the door. You can do this.
Leonard: All right, a-all right, here I go.
Penny: Oh, wait, just let me get inside.
Leonard: Why?
Penny: "Why"? Come on.

Sheldon: Well, I don't need you to pretend to be okay for me. If anything, that makes it worse.
Amy: Fine. I'm not okay. We came up with this idea at our wedding. We poured months of our lives into it. I thought we were changing the course of science, and now it's all gone. I'm devastated.
Sheldon: I was wrong, that makes it worse. Go back to being happy.

Bernadette: Hey, guys.
Howard: Hey.
Raj: Hey.
Bernadette: You, uh, playing that, what's it called again? Fortnow?
Raj: Fortnite.
Bernadette: Right. I guess I forgot 'cause I only played it that one time and I was so bad at it.

Bernadette: Would you mind if I gave it another shot?
Raj: Mm, maybe later, Bern-
Bernadette: Give me. Where are you, Howard, where are you? Let me just build a little ramp, get some height.
Raj: You want to press B to go into build-- oh, wow, you already did it.
Bernadette: Did I? I'm just hitting buttons. Wee!
Howard: I see your ramp. I'm coming for you.
Bernadette: You can try, but (explosion sound effect)-
Howard: Gotcha. (chuckles)
Bernadette: Son of a bitch.
Howard: Want to play again?
Bernadette: No! Howard.
Howard: What?
Bernadette: I make more money than you.

Penny: Hey, you guys look all comfy. Did-did you take the day off?
Amy: It's Saturday.
Leonard: No, it's not.
Sheldon: Great, another thing we're wrong about. How many does that make, Amy?
Amy: Two.
Sheldon: Two things. What happened to us?
Amy: I'll tell you what happened. Professor Gregoropovich.
Leonard: I-I think it's Gregora-poli-popivich, but-
Amy: Three.