Bernadette: Are you getting sick?
Howard: No, I have glitter in my nose.
Bernadette: Just your nose? Consider yourself lucky.

Amy: I'm really worried about Sheldon. I've never seen him this down.
Penny: Have you tried making him a cup of tea?
Amy: He's reevaluated tea. Now he thinks it's nothing but leaf soup.
Leonard: That's a good point.
Penny: No, it's not.
Leonard: No, it's not.

Penny: What would you like to do, Sheldon?
Sheldon: The only fitting send-off: a Viking funeral.
Leonard: You mean, like, push it out into a lake and shoot it with a flaming arrow?
Sheldon: This guy gets it.
Penny: How about a bathtub and a match?
Sheldon: How about a bathtub and a flaming arrow?
Amy: How about a bathtub, a match and an ice-cold Yoo-hoo after?
Sheldon: Sold.

Penny: Okay, Sheldon and Amy are still pretty upset about their theory being disproved.
Leonard: So we have made a list of subjects for everyone to avoid.
Penny: Symmetry.
Leonard: Asymmetry.
Penny: Uh, SimCity, sounds too much like symmetry.
Leonard: That also applies to The Simpsons, Simba from The Lion King, and cymbals.
Penny: Russia or Russian in any context. The country, the dressing, the roulette.

Leonard: Uh, also no talk of Rocky IV.
Bernadette: Why Rocky IV?
Howard: Because he fights a Russian. I'm sorry about her.

Amy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Eating, reading, watching television, listening to the radio. What does it look like I'm doing?
Amy: Is that asparagus? I thought you hate asparagus.
Sheldon: I thought so, too, but I also thought super-asymmetry was a good idea, so what else am I wrong about?

Bernadette: Is that a VCR?
Howard: Yeah, Amy asked if we had one she could borrow and I just want to make sure it still works.
Bernadette: What's on the tape?
Howard: Not sure. I used to record a lot of Jeopardy! for my mom, but if I push play and you see some naked people-
Bernadette: Got it. "What is porn?"
Howard: Ooh, we were looking for "vintage '80s erotica," but I'll accept it.

Bernadette: Come on, you're a good magician.
Howard: Really? You always called magic dumb.
Bernadette: You can be good at something dumb.

Bernadette: You know what, you should audition now.
Howard: It's fine. I don't need to be a member of the most elite magical society on the face of the earth.
Bernadette: Sounds like you still want it. And I don't want our kids to watch this tape one day and think their dad is a quitter.
Howard: Oh, we don't have to show it to them.
Bernadette: Oh, I'm definitely showing it to them.

Amy: How long has it been since you've seen it?
Sheldon: Not since the day I recorded it. No, I had just watched Back to the Future II, where Marty McFly gets a glimpse of his future self and that got me thinking, the day may come where I needed my help, like they did with that movie. That was not great.

Amy: Is there anything I can do?
Sheldon: Yes. You can build me a time machine so I can go back and tell my younger self to give up, because nothing's gonna work out the way he wants.
Amy: I was thinking a nice cup of leaf soup.

Bernadette: Look, I know you still want this, and I can help you. All those pageants I did as a kid, I could teach you how to present yourself, connect with the judges, sabotage the competition.
Howard: Whoa, whoa, no one's sabotaging anybody.
Bernadette: Of course not. Little girls in ball gowns trip, it happens.

Bernadette: Trust me, I'm gonna be the pageant mom to you that my mom was to me.
Howard: I thought you hated your mom for making you do that.
Bernadette: More talk like that and you're not getting any dinner. Amazing how it all comes back.

Bernadette: All right. Don't be afraid to be brutally honest. Like my mom used to say when I was doing pageants, "Tears only make your eyes sparkle brighter."
Raj: That is both sad and true. Half my Instagram is after a good cry.

Leonard: Look, t-this might seem strange, but, uh, we thought it might help you get some closure if you had a chance to properly say good-bye to your paper.
Penny: Yeah, you know, we could say a few words, you could talk about what it meant to you and-and we could bury it somewhere.
Amy: You mean have a funeral for our theory?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: That's ridiculous.
Leonard: I thought so, too, but my mom thought it might work.
Sheldon: [perking up] Beverly thought it would help? We should try it.
Leonard: Wha-- How come when you thought it was my idea-
Sheldon: Leonard, please, this is not about you.