Beverly Hofstadter: I've been responsible for my own orgasms since 1982.
Penny: Yikes.
Beverly Hofstadter: *laughs*
Penny: What's so funny?
Beverly Hofstadter: That's exactly what I say during orgasms: "yikes".

Beverly Hofstadter: How did his penis turn out?
Penny: Oh, Beverly. I can't talk to my boyfriend's mother about his penis.
Beverly Hofstadter: Fair enough. What, if anything, can you tell me about that busboy's penis?

Penny: Come on, I mean, you're not upset that your marriage is over?
Beverly: Well, initially I felt something akin to grief and perhaps anger, but that's the natural reaction of the limbic system to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch.
Penny: Sure, sure.

Raj: You think your thoughts are pure gold, but let me tell you something they are pure caca.

Leonard: I drove, mother. I'm driving now.
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, dear. Mommy's proud.

Leonard: I just don't understand why he knows more about your life than I do.
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, I would assume it's because Sheldon and I stay in touch due to mutual interests and respect, while you avoid me due to unresolved childhood issues.

Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, did I thank you for the flowers?
Sheldon: You did.
Beverly Hofstadter: I don't really like flowers.
Sheldon: Me neither, but it's the social convention.
Beverly Hofstadter: It is, isn't it?

Sheldon: We discussed it at length during our last video chat. Although how we got on to the subject of you is baffling.
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, but we are on the subject, so I'm obliged to ask: Leonard, how are you?

Beverly Hofstadter: She's a remarkable girl. The youngest appeals court judge in New Jersey and a two-time Olympic gold medallist.
Leonard: You must be very happy.
Beverly Hofstadter: Why? I'm not marrying her.

Leonard: Wait, wait, wait. You had surgery?
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, and Sheldon sent me flowers.
Leonard: I heard that.
Beverly Hofstadter: Then what was all that "wait, wait, wait" about?