Quotes from ‘The Irish Pub Formulation’

The Irish Pub Formulation

'The Irish Pub Formulation' - Season 4, Episode 6

Leonard starts an affair with Raj's sister, Priya, but keeps it secret from the rest of the gang. When Sheldon gets involved, he concocts an elaborate lie.

Air Date: October 28, 2010.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I'm sorry.
Raj's sister: Why do you say that?
Leonard: When I'm in bed with a girl, that's just my natural response.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Hands off my sister.
Sheldon: Why would I touch your sister? She's all covered in airplane germs.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: And to think, I was about to waste the last of my good haemorrhoid cream on you.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I can't believe you kissed my sister with moth mouth.
Leonard: Well, I can't believe you'd use Sheldon's toothbrush.
Sheldon: You used my toothbrush?
Raj: Not the brush part. Just the little rubber thing to pick food from my teeth and massage my gums.

Quote from Raj

Raj: You slept with my sister?
Leonard: Yeah?
Howard: How could you? We had a pact.
Raj: Excuse me, I think "How could you, she's my sister" takes precedence over a 5-year-old pinkie swear.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Okay fine, I'm-I'm a horrible human being. I'm the Darth Vader of Pasadena.
Sheldon: You're far too short to be Darth Vader. At best you might be a turncoat Ewok.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: It's a shame our society mocks the differently uvulated.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I always tell people, if you have only one day in Los Angeles, make it a train day.
Raj: "Train Day?"
Sheldon: The fun starts with brunch at Carney's in Studio City, a hot dog stand in a converted railroad dining car. Next stop, Travel Town, an outdoor museum featuring 43 railroad engines, cars, and other rolling stock from the 1880s to the 1930s. Then finally, we're off to the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, for dinner at, that's right, the Hollywood Carney's, a hot dog stand in a different converted railroad dining car.
Raj: I don't think we're gonna do that.
Sheldon: Well, then apparently, you hate fun.

Quote from Howard

Howard: This is the worst cobbler I've ever eaten. It tastes like it's made of actual ground-up shoemaker.
Sheldon: Amusing. A play on the two meanings of cobbler.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Do you like trains?
Priya: Not particularly.
Sheldon: You might as well just wait at the airport for your flight.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon:(typing) Hit troll with axe! Hit troll with axe! Hit troll with axe! Oh, my, this is one tough troll.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Hey guys, guess who I found at LAX. My baby sister Priya.
Sheldon: Excuse me. I object. You propose a guessing game, yet you don't give me enough time to guess. For the record, I was going to say your sister Priya.

Quote from Howard

Howard: I have a girlfriend now.
Priya: Hey, good for you.
Howard: Yeah, I just wanna put it out there in case I inadvertently squirt any pheromones in your direction.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Really? You're going to risk getting sleepy in the middle of your themodynamic fluctuations seminar? You know what happens when you yawn in public.
Sheldon: Everyone will see my oddly shaped uvula.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Sorry.
Priya: For what?
Leonard: I don't know. When I'm in bed with a girl, it's just it's my go to response.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: "Leonard, call me if you're interested in coitus. Sincerely, Maggie McGeary."
Sheldon: And if anyone were to actually call that number, they will hear this: "Top of the mornin' to you. You've reached Maggie McGeary. Leave a message after the wee little beep."

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: And here is the clincher, a lock of Maggie's flaming auburn hair.
Leonard: Where did you get that?
Sheldon: From an orangutan in the primate lab.
Leonard: An orangutan?
Sheldon: Well, no one's going to run a DNA test on it, Leonard. Honestly, you over think everything.

Quote from Leonard

Priya: Oh, Sheldon. You haven't changed a bit, have you?
Sheldon: Why would I change?
Leonard: The hope has been that you'd eventually bend to public opinion.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: So, Priya, what brings you back to LA?
Priya: I have a one day layover on my way to Toronto. Corporate merger.
Raj: Can you believe it? Little Priya's one of the lead attorneys for the biggest car company in India.
Sheldon: Given that when we met her she was finishing law school and planning an internship at a large Indian car company, it's actually extremely plausible.
Leonard: And your poll numbers just keep dropping.

Quote from Raj

Howard: Hey, I've got a girlfriend now.
Raj: Oh please. My sister's much hotter than your girlfriend and you know it.
Howard: Let's just agree theyre both hot.
Raj: Dude, that's my sister you're talking about.

Quote from Raj

Howard: Okay, forget who's hotter. The first time Priya came to LA, Leonard and I made a pact out of respect to our friendship, and to you, that neither of us would hit on her.
Raj: Did you pinky swear?
Howard: Yes.
Raj: Okay then.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: So, what are talking about?
Raj: Uh, my plans with Priya.
Sheldon: He rejected train day.
Leonard: Did you make it clear that it's two different train cars turned into hot dog stands?
Sheldon: Abundantly.
Leonard: I guess he just hates fun.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You are in a forest. There is quicksand to the west, a path leads to the east. Go east. An iron gate blocks your way. Open gate. It's locked. Hmm, well, so much for that.
Leonard: It's getting pretty late, how come you're still up?
Sheldon: I've found an emulator online that lets you play classic text based computer games from the 1980s.
Leonard: That's pretty cool.
Sheldon: Oh yes. It runs on the world's most powerful graphics chip, imagination.
Leonard: You've really got to get out more.

Quote from Leonard

Priya: Can't you get rid of him?
Leonard: If the past is any indication, no.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Leonard, I'm trapped in quicksand. The axe is dragging me down.
Leonard: Drop axe.
Sheldon: Drop axe. Brilliant!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Who was at the door?
Leonard: Oh, uh, building manager. They have to fix a pipe so the water will be off tomorrow from noon to two.
Sheldon: That's unacceptable. We're supposed to be given written notice.
Leonard: No, no, it doesn't matter, we'll be at work.
Sheldon: Well, what if I spill tomato soup on my shirt and have to come home to change, only to find there's no water for an enzyme soak.
Leonard: Bifurcated uvula, Sheldon!
Sheldon: I'll have the chicken noodle. Goodnight.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I wish you could stay in LA a while longer.
Priya: Mmm. Me too.
Leonard: You know, I was thinking, there are some great research facilities in India.
Priya: Where are you going with this, Leonard?
Leonard: Well, I'm just saying, I don't have any real ties here, so if I were to move to New Delhi we could, you know, go out.
Priya: Leonard, didn't we have this conversation five years ago.
Leonard: Well, yes, but, things have changed. You know, you're older, I'm older. Look, no more superhero bedsheets.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I heard a woman laughing.
Leonard: Oh, uh, yeah, I was trying to see if I could laugh as a woman.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, good job, quite convincing. I smell perfume.
Leonard: Air freshener.
Sheldon: And is that lipstick on your cheek and neck.
Leonard: Uh, rash, that's a bad rash.
Sheldon: My sympathies. I am no stranger to the crimson scourge that is dermatitis. Can I interest you in a topical steroid from my lotion and unguent collection?
Leonard: Uh, yeah, yeah, that sounds great.
Sheldon: Very well, I'm sure I can find something that will help you ditch that itch.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Do you prefer ointment or cream?
Leonard: Uh, cream.
Sheldon: With or without a numbing agent?
Leonard: Without.
Sheldon: Really? Leonard, there are no heroes when it comes to dermatitis.
Leonard: Fine. With.
Sheldon: Prescription or non-prescription strength.
Leonard: Use your best judgment.
Sheldon: Well, I think I have a nice 2009 AnaMantle HC. It's usually indicated for acutely inflamed hemorrhoids, but it also goes nicely with non mucosal body parts.
Leonard: Sounds great.

Sheldon: Excellent choice.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Making pretty good time, huh?
Sheldon: Is that really what you want to talk about, Leonard?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: What do you want to talk about?
Leonard: Please don't tell anyone I spent the night with Raj's sister.
Sheldon: There it is. What if someone asks?
Leonard: No-one's going to ask if I spent the night with Raj's sister.
Sheldon: Perhaps. But they might ask me something else.
Leonard: Like what?
Sheldon: Like, has Leonard betrayed any of his friends recently?

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Priya and I are both adults. We didn't betray Raj.
Sheldon: In fact, you did, but I was referring to Howard.
Leonard: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: April 12th, 2005, Bobs Big Boy, Toluca Lake. Raj had just introduced us to Priya for the first time, and she was enjoying the sweet taste of Hindu rebellion in the form of a Bob's Super Big Boy hamburger. In order to preserve your friendship, you and Howard made a pinky swear that neither of you would attempt to woo her. I had a patty melt.
Leonard: Okay, fine, I betrayed Howard.
Sheldon: And Raj.
Leonard: Alright, and Raj.
Sheldon: And me.
Leonard: You?
Sheldon: Violation of the roommate agreement, overnight guest notification clause.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: My point is, Priya's gone. And it would be much better if no-one else found out about this.
Sheldon: You mean, you want me to keep a secret?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: You know I can't keep a secret.
Leonard: You can if you try. Think about it this way, if I were Batman and you were Alfred, you'd keep that secret. Right?
Sheldon: Why do you get to be Batman?
Leonard: Because, well, Batman has the secret.
Sheldon: Well Alfred has secrets too.
Leonard: Like what?
Sheldon: Alfred knows that Barbara Gordon is Batgirl. Which I've now just told to Batman. See, I can't keep a secret.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Ta-da!
Leonard: What.
Sheldon: Ta-da. It's short for da-da-da-da!
Leonard: Kind of busy here, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I know, that's why I shortened it.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I came to go over your alibi for last night.
Leonard: What alibi?
Sheldon: You've asked me to lie on your behalf, and as you know, I am deeply uncomfortable with impromptu dishonest, so I've provided you with an iron clad alibi. You couldn't have spent last night with Priya, because you were with another woman.
Leonard: Oh, I'm so sure I'm going to regret this, but, who was I with?
Sheldon: The fun loving, and morally loose, Miss Maggie McGeary.
Leonard: Oh, God.
Sheldon: You met her at Pasadena's most popular Irish watering hole, Lucky Baldwin's, where Maggie spends her nights tending bar, with a head full of curls and a heart full of dreams.
Leonard: (reading a napkin that Sheldon gave to him) Leonard, call me if you're interested in coitus. Sincerely, Maggie McGeary.
Sheldon: And if anyone were to actually call that number they will hear this. (Robotic voice with an Irish accent from Sheldon's phone) Top of the morning to you. You've reached Maggie McGeary. Leave a message after the wee little beep.
Sheldon: It's pretty convincing, huh? And it wasn't even a real person. And here is the clincher. A lock of Maggie's flaming auburn hair.
Leonard: Where did you get that?
Sheldon: From an orang-u-tan in the primate lab.
Leonard: An orang-u-tan?
Sheldon: Well, no-one's going to run a DNA test on it, Leonard, honestly you over-think everything.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Hey.
Raj: Hey, Leonard, will you please tell Howard my sister's never been attracted to him.
Leonard: C'mon Raj, how am I supposed to know who she's attracted to? Or was attracted to. Or who she might be attracted to. In the future.
Sheldon: And I have nothing to contribute to this conversation. Because I too know absolutely nothing about Priya's preferences in male companionship. And with that, I will re-zip my lip.

Quote from Leonard

Raj: Hey, so what did you guys think of the new episode of Caprica last night?
Leonard: I didn't see it.
Howard: Didn't see it? What were you doing?
Leonard: Uh, I was out.
Raj: On Caprica night?
Leonard: Yeah, I, uh, went for a drink.
Howard: Really, you, and where, where did you go?
Leonard: To, uh, Lucky Baldwin's.
Sheldon: Oh, I've heard of that place. Isn't that Pasadena's favorite Irish watering hole?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Did you meet anyone interesting there, perhaps a promiscuous redheaded barmaid?
Leonard: As a matter of fact I-I-I can't. I can't. I can't do it.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Look, I'm sorry Raj, but the truth is I was with Priya last night.
Sheldon: Don't listen to him, he's still light headed from all the Irish whiskey and pickled eggs in his system.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: What were you doing with Priya?
Sheldon: I believe they engaged in coitus but, more importantly, if Leonard had not abandoned his story, would you have found it plausible?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: May I point out, in a parallel universe, your friends are saying Maggie McGeary, she sounds lovely.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I don't believe it. This is a terrible betrayal of my trust.
Leonard: No, no, no, would it help if I told you that I offered her my heart and she kind of stomped on it.
Raj: How hard did she stomp?
Leonard: Very hard.
Raj: Okay, I'm good.

Quote from Raj

Howard: Yeah, well, Raj, I just want to say that I'd never betray your trust. Unlike Leonard, I respect you.
Leonard: Really?
Howard: Mmm.
Leonard: Was it out of respect that you didn't tell Raj about the time you dropped his iPhone in a urinal?
Raj: Dude! I put that thing on my face!

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: I think a more amusing violation of Rajs trust is when Howard convinced him that foreigners give presents to Americans on Thanksgiving.
Howard: Hey, I didn't see you giving back your Snoopy snowcone maker.
Raj: That was all a lie? This year's gifts are already wrapped!

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: And as long as we're talking about betraying our friends, how about the month Sheldon spent grinding up insects and mixing them into Leonards food.
Sheldon: Well, excuse me. That was not a betrayal, that was an experiment to determine at what concentration food starts tasting mothy.
Leonard: You put moths in my food?
Sheldon: For science.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: As long as we're apologising, Sheldon, I-I'm sorry I used your toothbrush.
Sheldon: And I'm sorry. But that behavior is beyond the pale and cannot be tolerated. We are no longer friends.
Raj: I got you a talking Thomas the Tank Engine for Thanksgiving.
Sheldon: With real puffing smoke?
Raj: Yes.
Sheldon: Alright. But I'm watching you.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Hey, you got Snoopy out. Can I have a snowcone?
Sheldon: Well, sure.
Leonard: These are pretty god, what flavor is this?
Sheldon: Guess.
Leonard: Papaya?
Sheldon: No.
Leonard: Guava?
Sheldon: You're so close.
Leonard: I give up.
Sheldon: Mango, caterpillar. (Leonard spits it out) What are you doing? You said you liked it!

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