Howard: This is the worst cobbler I've ever eaten. It tastes like it's made of actual ground-up shoemaker.
Sheldon: Amusing. A play on the two meanings of cobbler.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Howard: I invented a game. Want to play?
Leonard: Sure.
Howard: It's called Emily or Cinnamon. I give you actual quotes I've heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog.

Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Leonard: I'm sorry.
Raj's sister: Why do you say that?
Leonard: When I'm in bed with a girl, that's just my natural response.

Raj: Hands off my sister.
Sheldon: Why would I touch your sister? She's all covered in airplane germs.

Sheldon: And to think, I was about to waste the last of my good haemorrhoid cream on you.