Leonard: You'll never guess what just happened.
Sheldon: You went out in the hallway, stumbled into an inter-dimensional portal, which brought you 5,000 years into the future, where you took advantage of the advanced technology to build a time machine, and now you're back, to bring us all with you to the year 7010, where we are transported to work at the think-a-torium by telepathically controlled flying dolphins?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Awww.
Leonard: Penny kissed me.
Sheldon: Who would ever guess that?

Sheldon: I'd like to go over some proposed changes to the roommate agreement, specifically to address Penny's annoying personal habits.
Penny: Oh my God! What personal habits?
Sheldon: I have a list. FYI overuse of the phrase "Oh my God" is number 12.

*Leonard is kissing Penny, and Penny's dad enters*
Penny: Come on, honey, not in front of my dad.
Penny's dad: Relax, I've seen her do a lot worse with a lot stupider.

Howard: Don't be oversensitive. He's calling you illiterate, not your race.
Raj: Oh, okay. Good.

Sheldon: I don't care for novelty editions of Monopoly. I prefer the classics: regular and Klingon.
Howard: Actually, Indian Monopoly is just like regular. Except the money is in rupees and instead of hotels, you build call centers. And when you pick a chance card, you might die of dysentery. Just FYI, that was racist.

Leonard: You'll never guess what just happened.
Sheldon: You went out into the hallway, stumbled into an inter-dimensional portal which brought you 5,000 years into the future, which you took advantage of the advanced technology to build a time machine, and now you're back to bring us all with you to the year 7010, where we transported to work at the thinkatorium by telepathically controlled dolphins?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Aww.
Leonard: Penny kissed me.
Sheldon: Well, who would ever guess that?

Raj: Excuse me, I can't be drinking, I'm about to make an important scientific discovery here.
Howard:What? Galileo did his best work while drinking wine.
Raj: How do you know that?
Howard: He was Italian, it's a reasonable assumption.
Raj: Dude, can you even open your mouth without saying a cultural stereotype?
Howard: I'm sorry. Galileo drank diet sprite.

Sheldon: Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. By that definition, Penny is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

Leonard: Well you don't have to worry, we broke up again.
*Sheldon gives awkward look and then throws his papers in the air with one of them landing next to his head.
Sheldon: Do you ever think about other people, Leonard? Do you?

Howard: Aah, this takes me back. Leonard obsessing about Penny. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love your new stuff but, once in a while, it's nice to hear the hits.
Raj: Ooh, ooh, do "our babies will be smart and beautiful." That one always makes me laugh.

Leonard: Did you get to play with Rajesh's big Telescope last night?
*Rajesh and Wolowitz Freak out*
Wolowitz: Where did that come from?
Rajesh: He never touched my telescope.

Sheldon: I'd like to say I'm very happy that you're back together. And if I can figure out a way to do so and sound sincere, I will.

Sheldon: As usual, you're all wrong. The bravest person in the Marvel universe is the doctor that gives Wolverine his prostate exam.
Howard: How about the guy gets a prostate exam from Wolverine?

Sheldon: *Sees Leonard & Penny kissing* Oh, frickity frack. Not this again.

Sheldon: Do you even think about other people, Leonard?