Wyatt: I want grandkids before I die and I want 'em to grow up in a house without wheels.

Wyatt: Please, please, please don't give up on her.
Leonard: What?
Wyatt: I can't go back to the skateboard idiots, the white rappers and all those sweaty dumb-asses with their backwards hats.

Penny: Okay, Sheldon, you don't have to do this because Leonard and I are not-
Leonard: Are you sure you want to include him in this?
Sheldon: Include me in what? Is there a plot afoot? I'll have no truck with plots.
Penny: No, you're right. No, there's no plots, no trucks, no feet.

Wyatt: Leonard, you want to come in for a nightcap?
Penny: Oh, gee, dad, he'd love to, but Leonard has to work in the morning.
Leonard: Maybe I could go in a little late.
Penny: No, no, no, you can't. Your career is far too important.
Wyatt: Behind every great man is a nagging woman who won't let him have any fun, am I right, Leonard?
Leonard: Don't I know it.

Leonard: How'd it go last night?
Raj: Y'know, same old same old. Looked through a telescope, saw some stars. Big whoop.

Leonard: Thanks for the steak, Wyatt.
Wyatt: My pleasure. Its nice to have dinner with a boyfriend of Pennys that knows how to use a napkin.

Wyatt: Let me tell you about this one genius she was going out with. This, this fella Donnie.
Penny: Oh, will you please let it go?
Wyatt: Donnie was gonna make millions turning farm waste into bio-fuel and selling it to the government.
Leonard: A lot of people are doing that.
Penny: Oh, see?
Wyatt: Yeah, but all Donnie did was mix pig poop with a little water and pump it into his mom's Camry.

Wyatt: And Donnie was a rocket scientist compared to that boy who wanted to get beer pong into the Olympics. What was his name, sweetheart?
Penny: Curtis, and I'm pretty sure he was joking.
Wyatt: I don't know. That petition looked real to me.

Wyatt: Now I'm going to do something here to help you along.
Leonard: Excuse me?
Wyatt: Just don't panic. (yelling) Now, get your sorry, lying ass out of my face and make sure I never see it again!
Leonard: Oh, the reverse psychology thing. I see. That's very clever.
Wyatt: Don't yap. Just get out.
Leonard: I'll friend you on Facebook!

Wyatt: I thought we were past the days when you would try to pull the wool over my eyes. Telling me the baggie in your underwear drawer is potpourri? And the pee stick in your bathroom is to check for diabetes?