Bernadette: Besides, Penny and I are having a girl's night tonight.
Amy: Girls night, what does that entail?
Bernadette: Oh you know, girls get together hang out share girl talk.
Amy: I'm a girl.
Bernadette: Oh well maybe you could join us. I'll ask Penny.
Amy: No need, Penny and I are very close.
Leonard: You are?
Amy: Yes, In fact our mensies are synchronized.

Penny: Okay, help me out here. How does an archaeology professor get that good with a whip?
Howard: Maybe he took a class at the adult bookstore. That's how I learned.

Sheldon: No cuts, no buts, no coconuts.

Howard: We're looking for Sheldon, not Marmaduke.

Leonard: Would someone please turn off the Sheldon commentary track?

Sheldon: Under normal circumstances I'd say I told you so. But, as I have told you so with such vehemence and frequency already, the phrase has lost all meaning. Therefore, I will be replacing it with the phrase, "I have informed you thusly".

Penny: You know Amy, when we say we're having girl talk, it doesn't mean that we just have to talk about our ladyparts.
Amy: That's a shame. I had a real zinger about my tilted uterus.

Raj: Guys, I just did a quick calculation. Judging by the size of the theater and this line we may not get in.
(Sheldon wakes up and jumps out of his chair.)
Sheldon: What did he say?
Leonard: Nice going, Raj. I just got him down for his nap.

Sheldon: Hello. Well, this seems like an odd time to test my cell phone quality but go on. Test phrases. All right. Imatote. Ulba. Twad. All together? All right. I'm a total butt wad. Why are you laughing? Hello?
Penny: And that girls is how you make a phony phone call.

Sheldon: This is where we could've been if we hadn't stopped for dinner. This is where we could've been if Koothrapali hadn't ordered dessert.
Raj: I earned it, I ate all my brocolli.

Sheldon: I find zombies dancing in choreographed synchronicity implausible. And also it's really scary.

Sheldon: Knock Knock.
Leonard: Who's there?
Sheldon: Hugh.
Leonard: Hugh who?
Sheldon: Hugh guys ought to listen to me.

Sheldon: Well if it isn't Wil Wheaton, the Jar Jar Binks of the Star Trek Universe.

Sheldon: May I point out to you all that the screening is first come, first served?
Leonard: Relax, it's 5:00. The movie doesn't start till midnight.
Sheldon: Another way of saying that is: the movie starts at midnight and it's already 5:00. Let's go.

Sheldon: Trouble is my middle name Leonard. Actually it's Lee but I prefer Trouble.
Wil Wheaton: Oh, look who they let in.
Sheldon: Don't worry Wil Wheaton, I was just leaving. *Holds up the movie can and runs off*

Penny: I can't believe you've never read "Eat, Pray, Love".
Leonard: When she comes out with "Eat, Pray, Runaway from a giant boulder", I'll read it.

Sheldon: Listen to what Mr. Wil Wheaton is tweeting: "Best seats in house for Raiders screening. Suck on that, Sheldon Cooper."
Leonard: Why do you read his Twitter feed? You know it's gonna upset you.
Sheldon: I believe in knowing my enemy, Leonard. Had Twitter existed at the time, would not General Custer have followed the tweets of Sitting Bull? Would not Lee have followed Grant? Would not Spy have followed Spy?

Sheldon: Well, if it isn't Wil Wheaton, the Jar-Jar Binks of the Star Trek Universe!
Wil Wheaton: (Imitating Jar-Jar) Me-sa think that's funny.

Howard: I'm guessing 21 seconds had something to do with that too.

Wil Wheaton: (Imitating Jar Jar Binks) We-sa going to go into the movie now. Bye bye!

Sheldon: This is nothing but a blatant abuse of power by a petty functionary. Explain to me why Wil Wheaton and his lackeys get in and we don't.
Movie Attendant: Because I'm the petty functionary with the clipboard, bitch.

Penny: All right, time to open bachelor number two.

Leonard: Uh, I hope they let us in soon. I'm tired of running to the gas station to use the bathroom. The guy makes me buy a Gatorade every time. It's a vicious circle.
Howard: Too bad you don't have a stadium pal like me.
Leonard: What's a stadium pal?
Howard: Let me put it this way. Takes care of the bathroom problem and it keeps your calf warm.

Wil Wheaton: He's got the movie. Get him!

Sheldon: (Running from the angry mob) Why is there never a pontoon plane when you need one?