Sheldon: Zandor, wizard of the north. Ha! I win!
Howard: If you skip the part about under a two week quarantine because you were exposed to a deadly disease, absolutely.

Doctor: Mr. Wolowitz?
Howard: Is she okay?
Doctor: It wasn't a heart attack. She's awake, she's resting comfortably. We're still running a few tests.
Howard: Can I see her?
Doctor: Actually, she said, and I quote, she'd like to see the little Catholic girl first.
Bernadette: Me? Why me?
Howard: Jews have been asking that for centuries. There's no real good answer.

Priya: My brother had a group of friends like this in India. They dressed up in leotards and goggles and called themselves the New Delhi Power Rangers.
Penny: How old were they?
Priya: Not as young as you'd want them to be.

Bernadette: Okay, well, wish me luck.
Howard: Dont worry, you'll be fine. Let's just hide Mr. Cross. If it touches her, it burns.

Penny: Hey, do me a favor and take table seven.
Bernadette: You mean the one with my one hundred and eighteen-pound rock-hard stud of a fianc who's prone to canker sores and pinkeye?
Penny: Nah, I prefer to look at it as the one with my ex-boyfriend and his gorgeous, successful and sophisticated girlfriend, who makes me feel like a toothless Okie.

Bernadette: Do you want me to spill hot soup on her?
Penny: Oh, please, you're not that kind of person.
Bernadette: I know. But if she orders something low-fat I'll totally give her the full-fat version.

Leonard: Uh, that's my water.
Sheldon: What?
Leonard: My water. You're drinking it.
Sheldon: Dear Lord! Have you been drinking it?
Leonard: Yes. It's my water.
Sheldon: Well, that's it then. I'm dead.

Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, do I really need to connect the dots for you? The backwash into this glass is every pathogen that calls your mouth home, sweet home. Not to mention the visitors who arrive on the dancing tongue of your subtropical girlfriend.

Raj: Hey! That's my sister and my country you're talking about. Leonard may have defiled one, but I won't have you talking smack about the other.

Bernadette: You guys ready to order?
Sheldon: Yes, Id like a seven-day course of penicillin, some, uh, syrup of ipecac to induce vomiting, and a mint.

Leonard: That's actually my napkin.
Sheldon: Oh, this is a nightmare!
Howard: Where are you going?
Sheldon: To the bar, to sterilize my mouth with alcohol. Gangway, dead man walking!

Bernadette: All right. Here you go. Two lemonades, one iced tea and a root beer for Priya.
Priya: Is it diet?
Bernadette: That's what you ordered.

Priya: Hey, have you and Howard started planning your wedding yet?
Bernadette: Yeah. Were thinking of having it on a cliff overlooking the ocean.
Howard: Nothing soothes those pre-wedding jitters like the thought of falling and drowning.

Leonard: What did your mother say when you told her you were getting married?
Bernadette: He hasn't told her yet. He's waiting for the right time.
Howard: I was thinking of weaving it into her eulogy.

Sheldon: Fire demon.
Raj: Ooh, fire demon. Sheldon's turning up the heat.
Howard: Troll master.
Raj: Check it! Howard pulls one out from under the bridge. Nice!
Leonard: Water nymph.
Raj: Oh, yeah, she's got puddles in all the right places.
Sheldon: Could you please play the game without commenting on every card?
Raj: Sorry. Walking tree.
Sheldon: Last one.
Raj: I'm taking a stroll and I'm sporting wood.