Howard: Okay, the Eagle has landed.
Leonard: What's going on?
Howard: Bernadette and my mother are having a get-to-know-you lunch at the Old Town Deli.
Raj: Oh, that sounds lovely.
Howard: Hope so. Of course, if history is any indication, my mother will swallow her whole and spit out her bones like an owl.

Leonard: Have you met Bernadette's parents?
Howard: You mean Adolf and Eva? Not yet. One goose step at a time.

Howard: Ma, I'm home! Where are you?
Mrs. Wolowitz: I'm in the toilet.
Howard: So, how'd it go?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Too soon to say. I'm not done yet.
Howard: No, I mean lunch, today, with Bernadette.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh! I had a pastrami sandwich. She had eggplant lasagna. Like that's what a person orders in a Jewish deli.

Howard: Besides food, did you get along? Did you talk?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh, sure. Did you know she's going to school to become a microbiologist?
Howard: No, she never mentioned it.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I bet she did and you didn't listen.

Howard: So, what do you think? Do you like her? She's great, huh?
Mrs. Wolowitz: She's a lovely girl. Cute as a button.
Howard: That's good to hear, 'cause I've got some news.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I hope it's good news, because I've got nothing but disappointment in here!

Sheldon: So your mirth is merely a discharge of nervous energy with no semantic content at all?
Penny: My mirth. Classic.
Sheldon: Is there a station coming up where I can board your giggling train of thought?
Penny: It's not a big deal, Sheldon. It's just, ever since Leonard's been dating Raj's sister, I've had to keep my distance. I don't get to hear all your jibber-jabber.

Leonard: Howard and his mother are at the hospital. Come on, we gotta go.
Penny: Oh, my God! What happened?
Leonard: I don't know, I just got a text. Come on, hurry.
Penny: Okay.
Leonard: Sheldon, let's go!
Sheldon: To a hospital? Full of sick people? Oh, I don't think so.
Penny: Okay, well, your friend and his mother are there, we're going.
Sheldon: I can't.
Penny: Oh, don't tell me you're afraid of germs.
Sheldon: Not all germs. Just the ones that will kill me. It's the same way I'm not afraid of all steak knives, just the ones that might be plunged in my thorax.
Leonard: Right, fine. I'll tell Howard you didn't come because you're more concerned about your own well-being than his.
Sheldon: I would think he would know that.

Penny: Okay, you know what? You are unbelievable. You buy all these superhero T-shirts, but when it's time for you to step up and do the right thing, you just hide in the laundry room.
Sheldon: Fine, I'll go. Just for the record, my Aunt Ruth died in a hospital. She went in to visit my Uncle Roger, caught something and bit the dust a week later. The two of them now share a coffee can on my mother's mantel.

Howard: So I knocked down the bathroom door, picked up my poor unconscious mother, carried her to the car, and drove like a madman to the emergency room.
Bernadette: You're a real hero, Howard.
Howard: No, I did what any son would do.
Penny: Hang on a second, you picked up your mother? Her own legs are barely able to do that.
Howard: I was filled with adrenaline. It happens to be how women lift cars off babies.
Penny: Yeah, I'm saying, it'd be easier to lift a car.

Howard: What can I tell you? After I found the courage to put her pants back on, I was unstoppable.

Leonard: So, how is she?
Howard: They're running tests. I don't know. It may have been a heart attack or heart-attack-like event.
Penny: What's the difference?
Sheldon: A heart-attack-like event is an event that's like a heart attack.
Penny: Thanks for clearing that up.

Sheldon: Regardless, coronary problems are eminently treatable. What's more likely going to kill Howard's mother are the antibiotic-resistant super-bugs festering in every nook and cranny of this hospital.
Penny: Okay, you're not helping.
Sheldon: Disagree.

Bernadette: So it's probably genetic.
Howard: Well, maybe. Mom also had just gotten some news that might have upset her.
Bernadette: What?
Howard: It's not important.
Bernadette: Come on, Howard, I'm going to be your wife. You can share anything with me.
Howard: You'd think that. But no.
Bernadette: You told her we were going to get married and she had a heart attack?
Howard: You can't take that personally.
Penny: How else is she supposed to take it?

Howard: What you've got to keep in mind is that ever since my dad left, I've been the whole world to my mother. I mean, she'd be threatened by any woman who can give me what she can't.
Bernadette: You mean sexual intercourse?
Howard: Well, when you say it like that you make it sound creepy.

Priya: Nice of you to come for Howard.
Penny: Well, he's my friend. It's what you do. (Laughs)
Priya: I'm sorry, did I miss something?
Penny: It's just so weird. Howard Wolowitz is my friend. You know, once he tried to stick his tongue down my throat and I broke his nose.
Priya: That's a little easier to believe than he's your friend.
Penny: Yeah, tell me about it.