Amy: The only person who signed my yearbook was my mother. "Dear Amy, self respect and a hymen are far better than friends and fun. Love, mom."

Bernadette: Good Morning, handsome.
Howard: Good morning, mom.
Bernadette: It's me!

Amy: I have a sorta kinda boyfriend at home playing with a model train, but you don't hear me bitching about it.

Leonard: It turns out she really knows how to help a guy loosen up and have a good time. Although, truth be told, my groin is a little worse for wear.
*Sheldon karate chops Leonard*
Leonard: Why did you do that?
Sheldon: To send a message: She is not for you!
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Not for you!

Bernadette: (Sounding like Mrs. Wolowitz) He wants butter!

Sheldon: All these years I've been so wrong. The tinier the trains, the more concentrated the fun.

Mrs. Wolowitz Hey, if she's willing to give the milk away for free, who am I to say no?

Leonard: I just can't figure out what happened. I put my left leg in, I took my left leg out, I put my left leg in, and something just snapped.
Amy: The hokey pokey is a young man's game.

Leonard: Well, I have some work to do, so-
Amy: I can't imagine that would disturb me. Carry on.
Leonard: Okay. Wouldn't you be more comfortable at home?
Amy: Not really, no.
Leonard: All righty then. Guess I'll just get started.
Amy: Leonard, please. I don't need the running commentary.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Frankly, after all your sleepovers with the little brown boy, a girl is a big relief!

Bernadette: What are you going to get at the train store, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm not buying anything. They're having a lecture. H-O gauge railroading. Half the size of O-gauge, but twice the fun. Very controversial topic.
Howard: Which side do you come down on?
Sheldon: I'll let you know after tonight. Unlike some people, I'm going in with an open mind. Who am I kidding? Of course we all know it's O-gauge or no gauge.

Penny: How was the wedding?
Amy: Great. Until I accidentally made Leonard fall in love with me.
Penny: Come in, let's talk. Do you want a glass of wine?
Amy: Wine is one of the reasons I'm in this fix. That and this dang pelvis.
Penny: Okay, I'm sorry, what exactly happened?
Amy: The inevitable. He was lonely and vulnerable from missing his girlfriend, while I was charming, supportive and, let's face it, in this dress, the perfect combination of Madonna and whore.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Ha! The eagle has landed!
Howard: And we have splashdown. Wait here, I'm gonna go light a candle. And then we make passionate love.

Wolowitz: You have to wonder about grown men who play with toy trains.

Sheldon: Well, you can add Jerry's Junction to the list of train stores Sheldon Cooper will never set foot in again.
Leonard: Rough night, Casey Jones?
Sheldon: You don't know the half of it. It was billed as a lively give-and-take on the merits of model train sizes. But it was actually a set-up to intimidate weak-minded spineless rubes into buying H-O starter sets.
Leonard: What's in the bag?
Sheldon: I don't want to talk about it. But it's not a spine,I'll tell you that.

Penny: So, um, what are you gonna do? Do you want me to talk to Leonard, let him down easy?
Amy: No. I'll let him have tonight. Then in the morning, I'll send him an e-mail letting him know this body is never gonna be his wonderland. I mean, frankly, you've got a better shot than he does.

Penny: Oh, God, did he make a move on you?
Amy: No, but it's only a matter of time. How could I have not seen this coming? Now I'm gonna have to break the little sad sack’s heart.
Penny: Yeah, I'm sure he'll be okay.
Amy: Oh, Penny, much as I would treasure knowing that the two of us had been defiled by the same man, Leonard just doesn't get my motor running.

Leonard: I did have a great time. Thank you for reminding me it's okay to have fun once in a while.
Amy: You're welcome.
Leonard: And also for breaking the head off the ice swan so I could hold it against my pulled groin.
Amy: I excel at spatial reasoning, and I had a hunch that the graceful slope of its neck would cradle your genitals nicely.

Howard: Come on, take a break! Bernadette needs to brush her teeth!
Mrs. Wolowitz: She can come in and brush her teeth! I'm not embarrassed!
Howard: Problem solved.
Bernadette: No, it's not. I'm not going in there.
Howard: Oh, come on, honey. She's just sitting in there reading a magazine. You can't see anything. I go in all the time.

Howard: Ready for bed?
Bernadette: No. I need to brush my teeth, but your mother's been in the bathroom for, like, an hour.
Howard: Oh. Yeah, she sometimes has problems doing her business. Hang on. Ma, give up! Tonight's not your night!
Mrs. Wolowitz: You don't know that! I just sat down!

Leonard: I'm sorry. The bride and groom seem happy.
Amy: Why shouldn't they be? They have a feverish night of socially-approved copulation ahead of them. In some cultures, we'd stand outside of their bedroom cheering as they achieved orgasm.
Leonard: That sounds like a late night, and I have work in the morning, so...

Amy: Would you like to dance?
Leonard: No, thank you. I'm really not much of a dancer.
Amy: You're not exactly winning any trophies as a conversationalist, either.

Howard: So, dinner went nice.
Bernadette: Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Does your mother always cut your meat for you?
Howard: Only when it's fatty. Well, don't be jealous, babe. Someday you'll get to cut it for me.

Leonard: Ready.
Penny: Aww, so handsome. Like James Bond.
Sheldon: Better than James Bond, because he's tinier!

Amy: How about making my eyes like Cleopatra?
Penny: Really? For a wedding?
Amy: Perhaps you're right. My cheekbones and beckoning pelvis already have a certain hello sailor quality to them.

Penny: You're a brain scientist. Can you explain to me why a brilliant man likes playing with toy trains?
Amy: Not without cutting his head open, no.

Mrs. Wolowitz: I don't know who you're talking to, but in or out! We don't need bugs!
Howard: The bugs only come here because you're their queen!

Bernadette: That's pretty big talk for a man with a closet full of magic tricks at his mother's house.

Amy: Boy, you were not liked in high school, were you?
Leonard: Not really. Is that my yearbook?
Amy: Mm-hmm. Dear Leonard, you're really good at science. Maybe one day you'll come up with a cure for being a dork.
Leonard: Well, it wasn't spray-painting a lightning bolt on my briefcase, I can tell you that.

Amy: How was your shower?
Leonard: It was good, good. Just out of curiosity, what time do you usually go to bed?
Amy: Oh, I'm up all night. I'm like a possum.

Bernadette: Raj, take me home.
Howard: Don't listen to her. Go to the movie theater.
Bernadette: Take me home now.
Howard: Movie theater.
Raj: Mmmmmm.
Sheldon: Okay, everybody calm down. There is a simple solution here. Raj, take me to the train store, and then I don't care what you people do.

Bernadette: Hang on. You seriously think I'm going to live with your mother?
Sheldon: Howard, I think I can help here. Yes, Bernadette, that's exactly what he thinks.
Howard: Why not? It's a great house, plenty of room, and if we have kids, Mom's there to help. You know, when she tells the Three Little Pigs story, she actually has hair on her chinny-chin-chin.
Bernadette: I'm not gonna live with your mother. Not now, not ever.
Howard: Wow, someone obviously has some mommy issues.

Howard: First of all, they're not tricks, they're illusions. And, secondly, when we get married, they're all going up in the attic so you can have that closet for clothes.
Bernadette: Why would I keep clothes at your mother's house?
Howard: Well, don't think of it that way. Once we move in, it'll be our house.
Bernadette: Is she moving out?
Howard: Why would she move out? It's her house.

Sheldon: Let's play a fun guessing game to see who gets to take me. All right, this four-letter word describes either a printer's type size or a compulsion to eat dirt.
Penny: Okay, Im not driving him.
Sheldon: No, Penny, dont give up, you can get this.

Sheldon: Wait. Uh, which is closer to the new train store in Monrovia, the movie theater or the Cheesecake Factory?
Howard: Neither of them are close.
Sheldon: Oh, well, then I guess it doesn't matter which one of you drives me.

Howard: All right, honey, if were gonna make the movie, we should go. (Raj stands up) This may be hard for you to hear, but when I say honey, I mean my fiance. (Raj whispers to Howard) Yeah, well, now it means her.
Bernadette: It's okay if he wants to come.
Howard: Fine. But next time, we get a sitter.

Leonard: Who wants the last dumpling?
Penny: Ooh, me.
Sheldon: Penny, a moment. We just had Thai food. In that culture, the last morsel is called the krengjai piece, and it is reserved for the most important and valued member of the group.
Penny: Thank you all for this high honor.

Leonard: Aren't you going with Sheldon?
Amy: No, I have no interest in model trains, stores that sell them, nor their heartbreaking clientele.

Penny: You're a brain scientist. Can you explain to me why a brilliant man likes playing with toy trains?
Amy: Not without cutting his head open, no.

Amy: Should I go? I have been told sometimes I overstay my welcome.
Leonard: What? Who told you that?
Amy: Well, most recently my gynaecologist.

Amy: I need someone to accompany me to the wedding of Dr. Moranelli and Dr. Gustafson this Friday. They're kind of the Brad and Angelina of the primatology department.
Leonard: Wouldn't you rather bring Sheldon?
Amy: I would, but the last wedding we went to was a disaster. He behaved like a child the entire time.
Sheldon: Not my fault. You said there'd be other scientists there my age.