Mrs. Wolowitz Hey, if she's willing to give the milk away for free, who am I to say no?

Mrs. Wolowitz I'm not going near that fakakta thing. I'll catch a computer virus.
Howard: You can't catch a computer virus.
Mrs. Wolowitz Oh, so now you're an astronaut and a doctor?

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, it's the phone.
Howard: I know it's the phone, Ma. I can hear the phone.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well who's calling at this ungodly hour?
Howard: I don't know.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well ask them why they're calling at this ungodly hour.
Howard: How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?

Mrs. Wolowitz It's this dress. When I put my front in, my back pops out. When I put my back in, my front pops out. It's like trying to keep two dogs in a bathtub.
Sheldon: What do you want me to do?
Mrs. Wolowitz We're gonna have to work as a team. Get in here, grab a handful and start stuffing.

Amy: The only person who signed my yearbook was my mother. "Dear Amy, self respect and a hymen are far better than friends and fun. Love, mom."

Bernadette: Good Morning, handsome.
Howard: Good morning, mom.
Bernadette: It's me!

Amy: I have a sorta kinda boyfriend at home playing with a model train, but you don't hear me bitching about it.