Penny: (Whispers) Here she comes.
Howard: Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick doesn't hear you!

Sheldon: The entrance to the dungeon is a moss covered door. You manage to open it only to find yourself face-to-face with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre. What do you do?
Howard: I say, "Hey Ma, what's for dinner?"

Raj: I don't know if I wanna play any more.
Sheldon: Because you don't have a girlfriend? Well, good lord, if that becomes a reason to not play dungeons and dragons, this game is in serious trouble.

Penny: This girl is trouble. What kind of relationship is it where you buy her gifts and she gives you sex?
Raj: The best one I've ever had!

Sheldon: The dice giveth and the dice taketh away.

Sheldon: See, as you know, a few years ago I achieve one of my lesser dreams and became a notary public. Well, from time to time, I notarize banking documents for Raj. The Koothrappalis aren't just rich. They're Richie Rich rich.
Penny: Well, so how much is that?
Sheldon: About halfway between Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck.

Raj: I was so smooth on that date.
Howard: Dude, I made you smooth. You were an idiot.
Raj: Whatever, dude. She kissed me.
Howard: It might have been on your lips, but it was my kiss.
Raj: Oh, fine. Let's agree she kissed both of us.
Howard: Okay.

Howard: She says, do you play an instrument?
Raj: No, but when I was six years old, I tried to start a band called Frankie Goes To Bollywood. But I couldn't get any boys to join, so my parents asked the servants to be my backing dancers. Wait, when you sign servants, don't sign it like I'm bragging. Sign it in a way that I sound humble with just a hint of, that's right, I had servants.
Howard: Do you hear yourself?
Raj: Yes, but she doesn't. So get signing, hand monkey.

Raj: Tell her I have a deep sexy voice like James Earl Jones.
Howard: She doesn't know what James Earl Jones sounds like.
Raj: Great. Then she won't know I'm lying.

Howard: He likes your eyes.
Raj: You're making me sound like a caveman.
Howard: She says, "thank you, and you have nice eyes, too."
Raj: Really? Ask her how many children she wants, and whatever number she says, say me too.
Howard: No.

Raj: Oh, Mummy, Daddy. What a nice surprise.
Dr. Koothrappali: No, it's not a nice surprise, it's a bad surprise.

Mrs. Koothrappali: She told us you're spending all our money on your new girlfriend.
Raj: I just got her a couple of things. She gives me things, too.
Dr. Koothrappali: Yeah, yeah, I'm a gynecologist. I know exactly what she gives you.

Raj: Well, I choose love.
Dr. Koothrappali: Hah! You're an idiot. Love doesn't last.
Well, he's going to find out eventually.
Think about it.

Leonard: Hey, how go the wedding plans, Howard?
Howard: Great. We spent five hours last night at Macy's registering for gifts. Looks like I'm finally going to have that darling little earthenware asparagus dish I've always wanted.

Leonard: See, this is the good thing about having a girlfriend 9,000 miles away. I can spend my nights doing whatever I want.
Howard: You mean like playing nerd games with us and then taking a suspiciously long shower?
Leonard: Maybe.