Sheldon: Hey! He did that on purpose,
Leonard: No, he didn't. Nothing that's happening here is being done on purpose. Okay, uh, forget one-on-one. Let's try a free throw contest. First person who makes a basket wins the office.
Barry Kripke: Making it too easy there, Hofstadter.
Leonard: No. No, I'm not.

Amy: Oh, what a great movie.
Penny: I cannot believe you've never seen Grease.
Amy: My mother didn't allow me to watch it. She was afraid it might encourage me to join a gang.

Sheldon: Ah, the spoils. I see why victors love them.

Amy: I'm so humiliated. I sat there the whole time that we were watching Grease, thinking you liked the painting.
Penny: I know.
Amy: I was a fool from Summer Lovin' to the very last rama lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong.

Penny: I should have been honest with you and told you the gift was too much.
Amy: Yes, too much. Because our friendship is fundamentally asymmetrical. I clearly like you more than you like me.
Penny: I don't think you can put a number on how much one person likes another.
Amy: I bought you a painting, that's 12 square feet in area. There's a number.
Penny: Amy, come on...
Amy: If you don't like feet, you can try dollars. The painting set me back three grand.

Penny: Okay, look, I didn't want to say this, but the real reason I took the painting down was because it made Bernadette very jealous.
Amy: Oh, my goodness, how could I have not seen that? The painting is a constant reminder that of the three of us, she is the least cool.

Howard: Why don't you just turn up the thermostat?
Sheldon: Aha! Good question. It turns out the thermostat for my new office isn't in my new office. No. It's next door in Professor Davenport's office, who is currently enjoying the hot flashes associated with menopause.

Leonard: Why is there a hole here?
Sheldon: Why is there a hole in my new office? I've narrowed it down to two possibilities: There was something in the wall that someone outside the wall wanted, or the more disturbing, there was something in the wall that wanted out.

Raj: Well, at least you finally got a window that opens. That's nice.
Sheldon: Is it? Listen.
Raj: What, you don't like wind chimes?
Sheldon: No, I hate them, but it gets worse. There it is.
Howard: The bird?
Sheldon: Yeah, It's completely out of tune with the wind chimes.
Raj: So?
Sheldon: You don't get it, do you? That's a mockingbird. Mockingbirds can change their song, which means he's out of tune on purpose. He's mocking me.

Leonard: Sheldon, relax.
Sheldon: How can I relax? My nervous system is being stretched out like the strings of a harp and plucked by holes, and birds, and wind, and the low-hanging scrotum of the difficult-to-evict Professor Rothman.
Leonard: If you're not happy, why don't you just let Kripke have the office?
Sheldon: What, and let him win? Do I look crazy to you?

Kripke: What's up, fellas?
Sheldon: What are you doing here, Kripke?
Kripke: Ah, measuring my new office for drapes.
Sheldon: This is not your office. It hasn't been assigned yet.
Kripke: Well, I called dibs at the Christmas party when Professor Rothman tried to have intercourse with the toys for tots collection box.
Sheldon: Dibs? This is a university, not a playground. Offices are not assigned because someone called dibs.
Leonard: You just called dibs.
Sheldon: Shut it. Offices are assigned by seniority. I arrived at the university first.
Kripke: I arrived at the office first. I'm the proverbial early bird.