Raj: It was a nice retirement party.
Howard: I guess. Still, it's a shame Professor Rothman was forced to step down.
Leonard: What choice did the university have? He snapped. It happens to theoretical physicists all the time.
Howard: I wonder how long Sheldon's got.
Sheldon: These shrimp are all the same size. There's no the logical order to eat them in. (throws shrimp in the trash)
Leonard: Cant be very long.

Barry Kripke: Ignore him, President Siebert. I'm sure a young man such as yourself has a perfectly healthy prostate.
Sheldon: Oh, he's just trying to butter you up. And for the record, butter is an excellent lubricant for your rectal exam.

Leonard: On the count of three, both of you bounce the balls as hard as you can. The highest bounce wins the office.
Barry Kripke: Oh, you are going down, Cooper.
Sheldon: I don't think so, Kripke. I've bounced many a rubber ball in my day.
Leonard: All right, that's enough trash talk. One, two, three.

Bernadette: I've got to go. I've got to get up early. My company's testing a new steroid that supposedly doesn't shrink testicles, and the last one there has to do the measuring.

Sheldon: We're trying to think down here, you geode-loving feldspar jockeys!

Howard: It's the twenty first century, you can't have a duel.
Leonard: Hang on, Howard. Barry, how good of a shot are you?

Barry Kripke: Cooper.
Sheldon: Kripke, come in. I'm making tea. Would you like a cup?
Barry Kripke: Am I weawing a summer frock? No, I don't want tea. Let's get down to brass tacks.

Raj: Would you look at this? I paid twenty five dollars to some kid on eBay for a handcrafted Harry Potter wand. He sent me a stick. He went into his backyard, he picked up a stick.
Howard: It's numbered.
Raj: Ooh, limited edition. Nice.

Raj: Hey, look, there's Rothman's empty office. Sad.
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Mm, indeed.
Howard: So sad.
Sheldon: Dibs.

Bernadette: (Looking at the painting Amy bought Penny) That is big.
Penny: So big.
Bernadette: And ugly.
Penny: So ugly.

Penny: What am I gonna do?
Bernadette: I don't know. You can't take it down. You'll break her heart. Look at that face. That enormous, unsettling, crazy face.
Penny: Is there any chance I'll learn to love it?
Bernadette: That depends. Do you like pictures of yourself where you look like a man?

Penny: All right, it's got to go.
Bernadette: What will you tell Amy?
Penny: How about I tell her the painting makes you feel jealous because you're not in it?
Bernadette: Nuh-uh. What if she gets me one? I already have a picture of me and Howard's mom getting our hair cornrowed in Venice Beach. I've suffered enough.

Leonard: What's he doing here?
Sheldon: We're going to work this office situation out like gentlemen. And if that doesn't work, I'm going to poison his tea.

Sheldon: Fine. In the interest of preserving our friendship...
Barry Kripke: Were not friends.
Sheldon: Well, that's a little hard to hear, but all right.

Raj: How about you decide this with Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock?
Barry Kripke: What the frig is that?
Sheldon: Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock was created by Internet pioneer Sam Kass as an improvement on the classic game Rock-Paper-Scissors. All hail Sam Kass.