Leonard: I did a bad thing.
Sheldon: Does it affect me?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Then suffer in silence.

Stephen Hawking: What does Sheldon Cooper and a black hole have in common? They both suck.

Sheldon: Steven Hawking's a genius and he talks like a robot. It's everything I ever wanted in a friend.

Howard: One time when I was working with him, he said that Johnny Depp was in The Matrix. I told him he was wrong, but he kept insisting. So I looked it up online and showed him. Well, the next day, he had a pizza party, and everyone got invited but me. And then he was all, your invitation must have gotten lost in the matrix.

Sheldon: Leonard, come back. Leonard, come back. Leonard, come back.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Oh, of course, it only works on the weak-minded.

Leonard: Penny started taking a class. She wrote a paper, she didn't want me to read it, I went behind her back and I read it anyway.
Sheldon: Stephen Hawking hates me.
Leonard: I don't know what to do. I mean, the paper's terrible. But if I tell her, she'll know that I read it and she'll get really mad.
Sheldon: I was beating him so bad, he doesn't want to be friends anymore. Why does everyone love me except Stephen Hawking?
Leonard: Is it possible we're having two different conversations?
Sheldon: How would I know? I'm not listening to you.

Sheldon: Earlier today, I invited Professor Stephen Hawking to join me in the popular online game Words with Friends. Moments ago, he accepted my request. Do you understand what that means?
Howard: That somewhere right now Stephen Hawking is saying, "Damn it, I mean to click no."

Sheldon: I'll walk you through it. This game is not called Words with Strangers. No, it's not even called Words with Acquaintances. It's called Words with-
Raj: I'm not finishing your sentence. You pulled the plug on my funk.
Sheldon: Friends! It's Words with Friends. Which Stephen Hawking and I officially are. Now all I need is a bunk bed with a slide, and I'll have everything I've ever wanted since I was six years old.

Sheldon: It's been three days. Why hasn't Stephen Hawking played a word?
Raj: The guy's a genius. Maybe you weren't challenging enough for him?
Sheldon: Not challenging? I was humiliating the man. I was thinking of writing a book called A Brief History of the Time I Made Stephen Hawking Cry Like a Little Girl.
Howard: There's the problem. You can't beat Hawking like that. He hates to lose. Everyone knows the guy's a big baby. I mean, forget the wheelchair, he should be in a stroller.

Howard: Sheldon, I know Stephen Hawking. I worked with him.
Sheldon: And if they ever come out with a game called Words with People You Once Worked With, you'll be off to the races.

Sheldon: Play. Play. Play. Play. Play.
Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Trying to use a Jedi mind trick to control Stephen Hawking. Play. Play. Ugh! He must be wearing a tinfoil hat or something.

Leonard: Sheldon, I wasn't done talking. She hands in the paper tomorrow. I know I could help her. And she's my girlfriend. I, I should be allowed to help her. Why aren't I allowed to help her?
Sheldon: Yeah, I hear you, brother.
Leonard: No. You need to give me some advice.
Sheldon: Fine. Women, huh?
Leonard: No, specific to my situation.
Sheldon: Blond women, huh?
Leonard: Empathetic.
Sheldon: It sucks to be you.
Leonard: I quit.

Sheldon: I will play the word "at" for two measly points, throwing the game and thus securing my friendship with the smartest man in the world.
Howard: What are you waiting for? Hit send.
Sheldon: I can't. Losing on purpose is intellectually dishonest.
Raj: So don't do it.
Sheldon: Oh, but I want to be Hawking's friend.
Howard: So do it.
Sheldon: Oh, but if I do, I'll be a phony, a sellout, a Hollywood poser.
Raj: Then don't do it.
Sheldon: I won't. This feels right. My mother always said, to thine own self be true.
Howard: Good for you.
Sheldon: 'course she also told me that every animal in the world got on one boat, so what does she know? And send.

Leonard: Please be good, please be good. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, she writes like she cooks.

Sheldon: I'll be Coop and he'll be Wheels. If he's okay with that.