Sheldon: You know, its a tad old-school, but my father was not one to spare the rod when my brother would sneak into his truck and drink his driving whiskey.
Amy: You want to spank me?

Amy: I don't need your medicine. I'm not really sick. I got better two days ago.
Bernadette: I don't understand.
Amy: It's been so nice having Sheldon take care of me, I just wanted that to last longer.
Bernadette: You should tell him.
Amy: I know.
Sheldon: (From the other room) Amy! Are you strong enough to bathe yourself, or do you need my help?
Amy: I'll tell him tomorrow. Mama needs a bath.

Sheldon: So I can't wear my Silver Surfer necktie but you can wear a bathrobe?

Sheldon: Amy's taking me to a memorial service. It's for one of her colleagues who is of Asian descent, so my planned conversational gambit is to casually remark that no matter how deep they dig his grave, he'll never make his way back to China.
Leonard: That should lighten the mood.
Sheldon: What can I say? I put the fun in the funeral.

Sheldon: I got the results back. Have you developed any of the following symptoms? A growing nose, or perhaps a warm sensation in the trouser region? Also known as full-blown liar, liar, pants on fire.

Howard: Oh boy, we're just married to a couple of ballbusters, huh, Mike?
Mike Rostenkowski: That's my wife and daughter you're talking about.
Howard: Great couple of gals.
Mike Rostenkowski: I wouldn't go that far.

Howard: So, how have you been?
Mike Rostenkowski: Fine.
Howard: Good. Fine is good. How you liking retirement?
Mike Rostenkowski: It's fine.
Howard: I'm sensing a theme.

Mike Rostenkowski: So, why'd you agree to come?
Howard: 'Cause Bernadette made me.
Mike Rostenkowski: I tried to back out, too. My wife said I had to go.
Howard: Really? Your wife makes you do stuff? You're a big, scary cop.
Mike Rostenkowski: You're an astronaut, and your wife makes you do things, and she's only four feet tall.

Howard: Yeah, well, my quality father-son time was spending my adolescence looking out the window waiting for my dad to come back someday.
Raj: Yeah, okay, Howard wins.

Raj: Can we change the subject? Spiders give me the jeebie-jeebies.
Howard: It's heebie-jeebies.
Raj: I know, but that sounds anti-Semitic.

Sheldon: I just want you to get better as soon as possible. And with that in mind, let me ask you a question. Do you believe in the placebo effect?
Amy: Of course I do. There have been many studies proving its validity.
Sheldon: Great. Now, this may look like a Tic Tac, but it is really a powerful medication specifically designed to cure your illness as well as freshen your breath.

Sheldon: However, the Spider-Man lyrics posit that Spider-Man, Spider-Man does whatever a spider can.
Howard: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: I can think of many things Spider-Man can't do that a spider can. One, crawl in your ear and die. Two, legally leave Guatemala without a passport. Three, have sex with a spider.

Howard: Oh, you like to fish?
Mike Rostenkowski: Yes.
Howard: Sure. I can hear it in your voice.
Mrs. Rostenkowski: Oh, if he didn't like it, he wouldn't go.
Howard: You know, I hadn't thought of that.

Leonard: I'm no expert, but I think the hook has to go through the worm.
Howard: Fine. Sorry, Mr. Worm. Sherm. Sherm the Worm.
Penny: Hey, don't name him. Just jab a hook in his face.

Leonard: My dad was an anthropologist. The only father-son time he spent was with a 2,000-year-old skeleton of a Etruscan boy. I hated that kid.