Amy: I have a lab full of coked up monkeys with nothing to lose.

Sheldon: My father used to say that a woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day.
Alex: What?
Sheldon: Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time.

Raj: I did the research. Tony the Tiger, Dig'em the Frog, Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Count Chocula, Trix the Rabbit, Snap, Crackle and Pop. Not one cereal mascot is a girl. It's a total breakfast sausage fest.
Leonard: Are we done with this?
Raj: Almost. Franken Berry, Boo Berry, Sugar Bear and the Honey Nut Cheerio bee, I believe his name is Buzz.

Raj: I feel like I've been called down to the principal's office. Although I wouldn't mind if Brown Sugar suspended me. From a sex swing. (Looking at his flask) This may have been a mistake.

Raj: Huh. That is so strange. Human Resources wants to talk to me tomorrow. [to his dog] Could you stop licking your ass for two minutes? I have a problem here.

Bernadette: Who's involved?
Sheldon: Well, a short bespectacled colleague of mine who lives in the shadow of his brilliant roommate. Let's call this colleague Ricardo Shilly-Shally.
Penny: You're talking about Leonard.
Sheldon: No, no, Shilly-Shally has red hair and he briefly served in the Mexican Navy.

Ms. Davis: Well, according to Ms. Jensen, you said that she was a slave to her biological urges and called her an egg salad sandwich. I don't even know what that means, but I'm gonna go ahead and tell you you can't say it.
Sheldon: Oh, I see the confusion here. No, no. Alex thought I was singling her out. No, I meant that all woman are slaves to their biological urges, you know? Even you. You're a slave.

Sheldon: I don't see why I'm the one being persecuted here. Dr. Hofstadter, he was bragging about his sexual desirability to anyone who would listen. You know, and Howard Wolowitz, he spent two years using university resources building a six-breasted sex robot. Oh, and at the office Christmas party, I heard Rajesh Koothrappali refer to you several times as Brown Sugar.
Ms. Davis: Hofstadter. Wolowitz. And the last one was Rajesh Koothrappali?
Sheldon: Yes. No, yeah, but in his defense, that wasn't racist. He's also brown.

Leonard: Hang on. Are you feeling insecure? Because that's my thing, and if you take it away, I don't know what I'm bringing to this relationship.

Sheldon: Your ovaries are squirting so much goofy juice into your brains you don't even know which way is up.

Alex: Is there a problem?
Sheldon: Let's not call it a problem. Let's call it an opportunity. To solve a serious problem.

Leonard: Okay, come with me.
Penny: Where are we going?
Leonard: To my bedroom, so I can take everything off but those glasses. And maybe the boots.

Sheldon: Well, you remember when you told me I talk in my sleep? Well, it occurred to me that, like most things I say, it's probably pure gold. So I started recording it all, and now Alex gets to comb through eight hours of what I like to call Sheldon After Dark.

Raj: Your assistant is totally hitting on this jerk and he loves it.
Sheldon: Well, that's not acceptable. I mean, I'm her boss. She needs to be solely focused on my needs, not distracted by your pasty, androgynous brand of sexuality.
Leonard: I'm androgynous?
Sheldon: Oh, please. look at you with your pouty bee-stung lips.

Sheldon: I want to thank you all for coming on such short notice. In the past, I've reached out to each of you individually, but I believe my present situation requires the collective wisdom of the group. Which, as you can see from your commemorative t-shirts, I have dubbed Sheldon Cooper's Council of Ladies.