Quotes from ‘The Bakersfield Expedition’

The Bakersfield Expedition

'The Bakersfield Expedition' - Season 6, Episode 13

The guys take a trip to Bakersfield Comic-Con dressed as "Star Trek: The Next Generation" characters, but after their trip goes off course they lose faith in their geeky interests. Meanwhile, the girls try to take an interest in comic books.

Air Date: January 10, 2013.

Quote from Stuart

Bernadette: Why are they staring?
Amy: Who cares? Just soak it in. Hello, boys.
Stuart: Oh, hey. (To the other customers) Could you please stop staring? They're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.
Penny: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: What brings you guys here?
Bernadette: We were looking for a recommendation about comic books.
Stuart: Oh, well, I recommend you don't open a store and sell them.
Penny: No, we were just wondering why the guys like this stuff so much, so we thought wed give it a try.
Stuart: Oh, okay. What do you think you might be into? Superhero, fantasy, graphic novels, manga? (To the customers) I swear I will turn a hose on you.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Are they actually arguing about comic books?
Leonard: No, that can't be right.
Howard: Maybe "Thor's Hammer" is a new color of nail polish.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Insurance will replace your car, it won't defunk my junk.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Can we at least rent the car from Enterprise? (nobody reacts) Oh, screw you! That's funny!

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: What kind of a person steals another person's car in broad daylight?
Sheldon: What kind of person leaves his keys in the car?
Leonard: I thought we agreed this was all Koothrappali's fault.
Sheldon: You're right. (To Raj) Nice going.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Set your phasers to stun. If we vaporize Penny, I'll never get a girlfriend that pretty again.

Quote from Howard

Cop: You guys need me to call someone? I'm guessing your moms?
Leonard: Thanks, but we've got it covered.
Howard: Okay, I just talked to my mom.

Quote from Stuart

Bernadette: What kind of comics do the guys like?
Stuart: Um, a little bit of everything. Mostly superhero stuff.
Amy: All right, well, who's the best superhero?
Stuart: Shh! You can't ask a question like that in here. Are you trying to start a rumble?

Quote from Raj

Raj: What's wrong with people? Why don't they stop?
Sheldon: Maybe we're better off. What if we were to get in a car with a crazy person?
Leonard: Look at us, Sheldon. We're the crazy people!

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: And we're blending, and we're blending, and we're done. Sheldon: I know Mr. Data isn't supposed to smile, but here it comes. Howard: (Dressed as a Borg) Come on, guys. Let's do this. Leonard: (dressed as Captain Picard): Yeah, I'm sweating my bald cap off.

Quote from Amy

Penny: If Harry Potter's wand can make decisions, why can't Thor's hammer?
Amy: Okay, if you are going to start comparing wands and hammers, I can't even take you seriously.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Damn, you've got more makeup than I do. You've got better makeup than I do. Yeah, I'm borrowing this.
Leonard: Hey, hey, hey. This is my Comic-Con makeup. I love you, but there are some things a man doesn't share with his girlfriend.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: That was San Diego Comic-Con. This is Bakersfield Comic-Con.
Penny: Is that better?
Leonard: Well, it's a lot smaller. It's more about the comic books. The way these conventions used to be before they went all Hollywood.
Sheldon: So to answer your question, no, it's not better.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Well then why are you going?
Sheldon: It's a comic book convention. You know, it's like pizza or particle accelerators, even the stinky one's still pretty good.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Oh, this is the best. You have booze with breakfast on a Tuesday, you got a problem. You do it on the weekend, you got brunch.

Quote from Bernadette

Amy: Sheldon doesn't believe in brunch. He can't stand being at a table where one person's having an omelette and another person's having a sandwich.
Bernadette: That's not exhausting at all.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Hey, will you steam my uniform next?
Sheldon: Interesting. Do you recall this conversation? Leonard, want to go halfsies on a steamer? No, Sheldon, we don't need a steamer. Looks like that rumpled chicken's come home to roost.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Great idea. I haven't had a carbohydrate in two weeks. These cheekbones need to be in front of a camera before I eat a pretzel and they're gone.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: That's a wise policy. I once borrowed my sister's makeup for a costume contest. Got a terrible case of pinkeye. But luckily, I was going as a zombie. I won second place.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Thor is a god. The hammer is his. Only he can use it. It's like Sheldon and his toothbrush. Or his thin, beckoning lips.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: It's cute how excited they are. You should have seen Howard sewing his costume all week for the convention.
Amy: When did Howard learn to sew?
Bernadette: When he was a little boy, every couple months, he would have to let his mom's pants out.

Quote from Howard

Howard: I wish my mom was here. We could all hang out in her shadow.

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: I think you should turn on the GPS.
Leonard: It is on.
Sheldon: But the turn-by-turn voice option isn't on. I know I'd feel more safe if you turn on the turn-by-turn voice option. I love the turn-by-turn voice option.
Howard: Has it really only been ten miles?

Quote from Amy

(The girls enter Stuart's comic book store)
Bernadette: Why are they staring?
Amy: Who cares? Just soak it in. Hello, boys.

Quote from Penny

Stuart: Well, uh, let's see. You've got your basic clean-cut good guys, Superman, Spider-Man, Captain America. Then you have your darker anti-heroes, your Batman, your Wolverine, Punisher.
Amy: Ooh, I do love a bad boy.
Penny: As evidenced by your boyfriend and his fear of hamsters.

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: If I were you, I'd go for Fables number one. The artwork is sophisticated, it's intelligently written, and it doesn't objectify or stereotype women.
Penny: Ooh, Thor! He's hot.
Stuart: Yeah, he kind of is.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: So what's our first pose going to be?
Raj: I say we begin with a classic Star Trek fight scene.
Leonard: I'll set the timer.
Howard: Sheldon, how is that a fight pose?
Sheldon: Mr. Data's weapon is his mind. I'm wielding it.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Oh, my God. Leonard, someone's stealing your car!
Leonard: What? Hey, hey! Come back here!
Raj: Stop!
Sheldon: Stealing is against the law!

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: I'll call 911. What, oh, no, my phone is in my other pants.
Howard: Oh, so is mine.
Leonard: Mine, too. Anybody got any ideas?
Sheldon: Nope. The only thing left to do now is assign blame. (To Raj) Nice going.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Come on, let's just start walking. There's got to be a gas station or something nearby.
Sheldon: What, you think just because you're wearing a captain's uniform, you're in charge?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: All right.

Quote from Penny

Bernadette: Well, what if the Hulk picked up Thor while Thor is holding the hammer?
Amy: Yeah?
Bernadette: Then by the transitive property of picking things up, Hulk picked up the hammer.
Amy: No. Hulk picked up Thor, Thor picked up the hammer.
Penny: Okay, hang on. If I go to a bar and pick up a guy, and he picks up a girl, and then we all leave together, did I pick up the girl?
Amy: Did that ever happen?
Penny: Hey, are we talking about me or are we talking about Thor?

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