Howard: My wife came with both fun bags and money bags.

Sheldon: Penny, all my life I have been uncomfortable with the sort of physical contact that comes easily to others: handshaking, hugging, prostate exams. But I'm working on it, you know? Just recently, I had to put VapoRub on Amy's chest. A year ago, that would have been unthinkable.

Kripke: My work would suffer too if I was getting laid all the time.
Sheldon: Yes, that is the reason. My work is suffering because of all the laid I am getting.
Kripke: You lucky bastard.
Sheldon: What can I say, you know? She enjoys my genitals. I am giving them to her on a nightly basis.

Kripke: You guys ever use any toys?
Sheldon: I do have a model rocket next to my bed.
Kripke: A rocket? You're a freak! I love it!

Bernadette: No, here's how love works. You're gonna return the machine or you can print out a working set of lady parts and sleep with those.
Howard: [pondering]
Bernadette: Oh, my God! Are you actually thinking about it?

Penny: Okay. Hang on. Are you saying some day that you and Amy might actually get physical?
Sheldon: It's a possibility.

Bernadette: $5,000 for a couple dolls. Are you out of your mind?

Sheldon: Well, the equation balances, but it's certainly not elegant.
Kripke: Whatever. Did you get any last night?
Sheldon: Yes.
Kripke: Gave it to her good, huh?
Sheldon: No, I gave it to her well.

Raj: Aren't you gonna to eat lunch?
Howard: Nah, I blew my food allowance on Pokemon cards.

Leonard: Is my coitus whimsically inventive?
Penny: That is what I write on the bathroom walls. For a whimsically inventive time, call Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: I know you're joking, but I'd be okay with that.

Leonard: Maybe it's a shipping problem.
Howard: What?
Leonard: Maybe Wesley Snipes and Toucan Sam just got action figures that look like you guys.

Raj: Oh, okay, great. Now, I can look like Val Kilmer as Batman, instead of Val Kilmer as he looks today.
Howard: All right, you can suck it in a little bit.

Sheldon: A hush falls over the crowd as Cooper studies the board. He makes his move. He's dividing both sides by I. He's adding back the coefficient. He has a value for P. He's plugging that back in. He takes the derivative, and he solves the equation. The crowd goes wild. Nobel! Nobel!

Sheldon: That's ridiculous. I am one of the great minds of our generation. I work on a level so rarefied you couldn't even imagine it. I said stop looking at my train!

Raj: Oh, I'm not dark chocolate. I'm melt-in-your-mouth caramel.

Howard: I can't believe I wasted all that money.
Leonard: Aw, and my girlfriend wouldn't let me get one. Look at my face. Do I look smug? I feel smug.

Kripke: You have some brilliant insights here, but if we're gonna make this work, you need to buckle down and focus.
Sheldon: I'll do what I can. But it's not going to be easy, because when I'm with Amy and our bathing suit areas mush together, boy howdy, is it magic.

Bernadette: That's so cute. I didn't think there could be a smaller version of you.

Penny: All right, I don't understand. Why didn't you just tell Kripke the truth?
Sheldon: Because the truth made my look bad, whereas a ridiculous bald-faced lie makes me look good. Anyway, if Kripke asks, tell him my coitus with Amy is frequent, intense and whimsically inventive.

Kripke: Was she naked or was she wearing lingerie?
Sheldon: I didn't notice.
Kripke: How could you not notice?
Sheldon: i was too busy squishing all the desirable parts of her body.
Kripke: Ah, you're killing me, Cooper!

Kripke: You guys ever use any toys?
Sheldon: Toys? I do have a model rocket next to my bed.
Kripke: A rocket? You're a freak! I love it!

Sheldon: I'm not interested in being published in Mad Magazine. Zingers fly fast in the Thunderdome, Barry.