Penny: So blow off work and go on a weekday.
Amy: Hooky? I've never played hooky in my life. My mom said that's how girls end up addicted to reefer and jazz music.

Leonard: It's nice of your old school to let us try out our science talk on some female students.
Howard: Well, they're actually pretty excited. I'm their most famous alum. If you don't count the serial killer who ate all those prostitutes.

Raj: Excuse me, I’m meeting a girl here. It’s kind of our first date.
Bert: In a library?
Raj: She and I are both a little awkward in social situations, so this seemed like a good idea.
Bert: People say I’m a little awkward, too.

Bert: (To Lucy, after speaking to Raj) You can do better!

Bert: May I join you?
Raj: No, you can’t join us. Just go climb back up whatever beanstalk you came down from.

Girl: So you just flew around? That's kind of like my uncle. He's a flight attendant.
Howard: No, I'm an American hero. Your uncle brings people nuts, okay?