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Quote from the episode The Allowance Evaporation

Bert: I met her on G-Harmony. That's a Web site for geologists to find love.
Amy: That's a real thing?
Bert: Yeah. Their slogan is "We're all about dating and not the carbon-14 kind".

Quote from the episode The Occupation Recalibration

Bert: You know what, uh, geologists and Bon Jovi have in common?
Howard: You're both into rock?
Bert: Yeah.

Quote from the episode The Geology Methodology

Sheldon: I've been modeling different types of dark matter and the traces they would leave on the zircon inside your meteorite.
Bert: What's this one here?
Sheldon: That's actually a dark matter model of my own creation. I call it the Cooper Boson.
Bert: Cool. I got to name a rock once. I named it Moderately Sedimented Shale. Guess I kind of pooped the bed on that one.

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Howard: Welcome, Bert. Don't you look nice.
Bert: Yeah. Like a geode, I clean up good.
Howard: Don't you crack a geode open?
Bert: It's not a perfect metaphor.

Quote from the episode The Geology Methodology

Bert: Well, you know, we geologists always get a little sad when Rocktober's over.

Quote from the episode The Geology Methodology

Bert: I'm not asking you to play rocks. I'm asking you to collaborate on a research project. Although, if there's time, I guess we could play a round of zinc, zinc, piece of quartz.

Quote from the episode The Dependence Transcendence

Amy: Hi, Bert. This is my friend, Penny.
Penny: Hi.
Bert: Hey, come on in. I'll gonna go turn on some rock music.
Amy: (chuckles) That's a geology joke. Bert's a geologist.
Bert: And a joker.

Quote from the episode The Imitation Perturbation

Amy: (imitating Bernadette) Happy Halloween.
Sheldon: Who wants to see a magic trick? Oh, that's right. No one.
Bert: Ha! They're you.

Quote from the episode The Allowance Evaporation

Bert: Hey. Looks like I got stood up, so I'm gonna head out.
Amy: Oh, no. Are you sure you don't want to give her a few more minutes?
Bert: Nah, G-Harmony recommends after two hours, it's time to cut bait.

Quote from the episode The Allowance Evaporation

Bert: Good question. Let's see. Infoseek, WebCrawler, oh, HotBot.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Bert: Wow. A scavenger hunt. That's exciting. I had a bit of a scavenger hunt myself last night. I was trying to find the remote. I looked under one of the cushions. Wasn't there.
Then I lifted the cushion a little higher. Bingo.
Amy: Riveting.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Amy: So, do you know what it is?
Bert: Of course I know what it is. It's a silicon dioxide crystal, otherwise known as quartz.
Sheldon: Are you sure?
Bert: Am I sure? Is basalt a mafic extrusive igneous rock formed by the rapid cooling of magnesium and iron-rich lava? Yeah, I'm sure.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Amy: Okay, so it's quartz. That's got to mean something. What do we know about quartz?
Sheldon: I'll Google it.
Bert: Or you can ask me, the geologist who won the MacArthur Genius Grant.
Sheldon: Got it!

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Sheldon: Quartz, from the German "quarz" which sounds the same, but is spelled without a "T".
Amy: Interesting. No "T". What is not "T"?
Sheldon: Coffee!
Amy: The coffee shop where we first met!
Bert: All right, let's go. Sorry. I think I just had an adrenaline rush from having visitors.

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Bert: She was also interested in walking around my house in her underwear. Now the only one that does that is me.

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