Penny: No, it does matter. Okay? You were right. It was Halloween. I was dressed as a cat, you were a hobbit. It was right there on that couch.
Leonard: Why didn't you just say that?
Penny: Because I always hated that was our first kiss. I was drunk, and I was still with Kurt, and I was using you to make myself feel better. I just wanted our first kiss to mean something. That's why I said it was the one on your birthday.
Leonard: I like that. We'll make that our official first kiss.

Amy: Is something bothering you?
Sheldon: Howard dressed up as me and imitated me, and everyone laughed.
Amy: Oh. Well, that must have felt terrible.
Sheldon: It did. I never realized my friends viewed me as an object of ridicule.
Amy: Oh, I don't think that's true.
Sheldon: They laughed, Amy. In a derisive way. Not in the instructive way I laugh at them when they're being stupid.

Sheldon: Amy, do you think I'm always correcting other people?
Amy: No, not all the time. I mean, just last week, Penny ended a sentence with a preposition. You didn't even mention it.
Sheldon: True. I just waited until I got home and screamed into a pillow.

Amy: Hey, why aren't you in your costume?
Sheldon: I just didn't feel like it.
Amy: You get that I'm wearing a corset because of you, not because I'm tired of breathing?

Howard: You're sitting in my spot.
Sheldon: You don't have a spot. What is wrong with you today?
Raj: Maybe he's cranky because he's off his bathroom schedule.

Leonard: Oh, my God, you look amazing.
Raj: I find you guilty of murder, because you are killing it.
Howard: (imitating Sheldon) Well, technically, the Supreme Court wouldn't determine a defendant's guilt or innocence in a criminal matter. They could only reverse or revamp a jury's conviction based on a constitutional or statutory issue.

Amy: (imitating Bernadette) Happy Halloween.
Sheldon: Who wants to see a magic trick? Oh, that's right. No one.
Bert: Ha! They're you.

Howard: Hey, guys, I need your help. Bernadette's still pretty upset about your costumes.
Sheldon: She's upset? Those pants I wore to make fun of you were so tight, I risked a testicular hernia.

Sheldon: Well, I can understand how that would make someone irritable.
Howard: Interesting fact: "irritable" comes from the Latin, "susceptible to anger."
Sheldon: Just because I used a word doesn't mean I want its etymology.
Howard: Interesting fact: "etymology" comes from the Greek word-

Sheldon: I don't understand. If it's unreasonable, why should we do it?
Howard: Okay, how about this? You know in Star Wars when R2 and Chewbacca were playing holochess?
Amy: Really? Star Wars?
Sheldon: Amy, let the man speak.

Bernadette: What do you think you're doing?
Amy: I thought it was clear. I'm being unnecessarily hurtful but with a sweet voice.
Sheldon: And I don't understand what's going on because I went to MIT.

Howard: (imitating Dick Van Dyke's cockney accent) Well, Gorblimey. You look like a thousand tuppence. Don't he, Mary Poppins?
Bert: Are you gonna talk like that all night?
Howard: Jiff willikers, I am.
Bernadette: Isn't he cute? He's gonna get a spoonful of sugar later.
Howard: And I'm gonna sweep Ms. Poppins' chimney.

Sheldon: I think Howard hurting my feelings has in some ways made me a better person.
Amy: Hmm. Look at you, improving on perfection. How so?
Sheldon: As you were eating that Danish, I wanted to point out that the Danish isn't Danish at all. It was imported by Austrian bakers during a labor dispute in the 1800s. But I chose not to, because I didn't want to be the kind of fella who foists unwanted facts about European pastries on the unwilling.
Amy: Huh. That's actually interesting.
Sheldon: Sorry. Now you'll never know.

Penny: Well, people came, they ate, they vowed to never speak to each other again. I think it was a successful party.

Amy: Are you guys all dressing up for work?
Howard: Of course. I mean, how often do you get to wear costumes to work?
Penny: Says the man with a giant belt buckle and a dickey.
Howard: Hey, this is not a costume. It's a choice. It's a style.
Penny: It's a tragedy.

Sheldon: Hello, Bernadette.
Bernadette: Wait, did you just walk into my house?
Sheldon: No, Howard let me in.
Bernadette: Where is he?
Sheldon: Oh, he got in his car and drove away.

Bernadette: How many times has he made fun of Howard for being an engineer? Going to MIT? His magic?
Amy: Sheldon doesn't make fun of his magic.
Bernadette: Well, he should. It's stupid.

Amy: Maybe Howard could apologize?
Bernadette: You're kidding, right? Sheldon didn't apologize when he said my baby looked like Winston Churchill.
Amy: He loves Churchill. Your son should take that as a compliment.
Bernadette: He said it about my daughter.

Leonard: Hey, do you remember what happened at that first Halloween party that you invited me to?
Penny: When I threw up in the pumpkin?
Leonard: More memorable than that.
Penny: Really? That was pretty impressive.
Leonard: We had our first kiss. On this very couch.
Penny: No, no, our first kiss was at your birthday. Remember? I threw you a party, you didn't make it, and I felt bad for you.
Leonard: No, no, it was on Halloween, and you felt bad for me.
Penny: If we're gonna go through every party where I felt bad for you, we're gonna be here awhile.

Raj: Hey, did you guys know this year's the 40th anniversary of Halloween?
Sheldon: Oh, nonsense. Halloween traditions of date back to the Celtic festival of Samhain. Although our current Halloween customs come from the evening before All Hallows' Day, All Hallows' Eve. Thus, Halloween.
Raj: I meant the movie Halloween.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, that's not interesting at all.
Leonard: Did you know the Michael Myers mask from the film was actually a Captain Kirk mask turned inside out?
Sheldon: Okay, now it's interesting.

Sheldon: Well, people used to call me egghead 'cause there were eggs on my head. 'Cause they threw them at me.

Bernadette: One time my brothers made me breathe helium. I tried to call for help, but the only one who could hear me was the dog.
Sheldon: That's also terrible. My goodness, you had to live in a house with a dog.

Raj: Sheldon, you sure you're ready for this? This movie's pretty scary.
Sheldon: Please. I'm an adult. I think I can handle it.
Leonard: That's what you said about the butterfly pavilion at the zoo.
Sheldon: That was my fault. After I pet that goat, I felt like a gladiator.

Sheldon: Oh, Inspector Gadget. And I want to say Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
Raj: So close. Kooth Bader Ginsburg. The Notorious KBG.
Sheldon: That's very clever.
Raj: [striking a gavel] Sustained.

Howard: Hello. [dressed like Sheldon, imitating him]
Sheldon: Hello.
Howard: I see you are dressed as Doc Brown from Back to the Future. May I assume that Amy is going as his wife, Clara Clayton, from Back to the Future Part III?
Sheldon: She is. Did you do something different to your hair?
Howard: Yes.
Sheldon: Looking good.

Penny: Bernadette, why don't we get to dress up at work?
Bernadette: We used to, but a couple guys in the infectious disease lab went as zombies and it triggered a quarantine. The CDC was so mad.

Amy: What do you guys think you're doing?
Raj: We're showing Sheldon Halloween.
Amy: Absolutely not. Sheldon, come home.
Sheldon: But I really want to watch it.
Amy: I know you do, but I am forbidding it.
Sheldon: Oh, man. Sorry, guys.
[in the hallway:]
Sheldon: What took you so long?
Amy: I'm sorry. I just got your text!

Bernadette: She's not. It's been happening my whole life. And-and she called me out for being mean? Well, I've had to be mean. It's hard to be taken seriously when you're always the smallest person in the room.
Sheldon: I know that. I was in high school when I was nine years old. I tried to tell the other kids that although my physical stature was small, my intellectual stature towered over them. That only seemed to make things worse.

Stuart: That was beautiful.
Penny: Mm.
Leonard: What are you still doing here?
Stuart: I was in the bathroom. Guacamole didn't agree with me.

Howard: Anyway, if you guys could apologize, it'd be a big help.
Amy: Oh, we'd be happy to apologize to her as soon as she apologizes to me for not making you apologize to Sheldon.
Howard: I didn't follow that, but, then, between my wife and that guacamole, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

Amy: Don't you think it's unreasonable for her to ask us to do something she refused to do?
Howard: Yes. So when can you stop by?

Bernadette: I guess we both had to put up with a lot of crap from people.
Sheldon: I suppose we have. Huh. Maybe you and I are more alike than we thought.
Bernadette: Maybe we are.
Sheldon: Although I'm exceptionally tall, and you're exceptionally-
Bernadette: Sheldon.
Sheldon: You didn't even let me finish.
Bernadette: Fine. Sorry.
Sheldon: Short.

Howard: Well, Chewbacca was losing and getting angry and-
Sheldon: W-W-Wait. Are you saying we should let the Wookiee win?
Howard: Hey. Hey, that's my wife you're talking about. (whispers) But yes, let the Wookiee win.

Sheldon: Oh. Is that watermelon for anybody?
Bernadette: It's for Halley.
Sheldon: Is she gonna eat all of it? God, no wonder she looks like Churchill.

Bernadette: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Howard said your feelings were hurt.
Bernadette: Well, Howard's wrong. I don't care if someone makes fun of me.
Sheldon: All right. Apparently I came all this way for nothing. Unless Halley wants to share that watermelon?

Bernadette: You think Amy's the first person to make fun of me for having a squeaky voice? Do you?
Sheldon: I feel like my chance at watermelon is dangling by a thread.

Bernadette: The kids called me Bernadette the marionette.
Sheldon: (laughs) Because you're small. That's funny.
Bernadette: No, it's not.

Leonard: Oh, that's great. He's a Supreme Court justice, and you're the U.S. Constitution.
Anu: Yep. He interprets me. And guess what's underneath this? The Bill of Tights.

Leonard: Hey, if you really want to dress up, we could throw a party.
Penny: Oh, that would be fun. You know, I used to throw Halloween parties all the time when I moved into the building.
Leonard: All the time? I only remember being invited to one.
Penny: Please don't make this awkward for me.

Amy: What are you going as?
Howard: I don't want to ruin the surprise. You'll see it at work. Just a warning: it's pretty scary.
Sheldon: Is it a bird?
Howard: No.
Sheldon: Is it a dog?
Howard: No.
Sheldon: Oh, I think I'll be fine, then.

Leonard: Are you gonna dress in drag in front of your fiancee?
Raj: Yeah. We have no secrets from each other. Well, except for the fact that I crocheted this myself.

Leonard: Sheldon, he's being you. He's dressed as you for Halloween.
Sheldon: Oh. So you're not laughing at him. You're laughing at me.
Raj: We're not laughing at you. We're laughing with you.
Sheldon: But I'm not laughing.
Raj: Then the first one.

Leonard: Hey, happy Halloween.
Penny: Oh! Trick or treat.
Leonard: No. Sorry, you're not wearing a costume.
Penny: Yeah, I am. I'm a pharmaceutical sales rep.
Leonard: I'm gonna need more.
Penny: Okay, failed actress who traded constant rejection for a Christmas bonus and a dental plan?
Leonard: Go nuts.
Penny: Oh. I will.

Leonard: So, what are you wearing to the party? Sexy cat? Sexy nurse? Sexy zombie?
Penny: Why do girls' costumes have to be sexy but guys' costumes don't?
Leonard: (scoffs) Say that again with this helicopter on my head.
Penny: Very cute.

Penny: You're not mad at me, are you?
Leonard: No. Of course not. No, we just remember different things from that party. I remember falling in love, and you remember vomiting in a pumpkin.
Penny: I was, like, four feet away. People cheered.

Bernadette: Anyway, the point is, Sheldon shouldn't dish it out if he can't take it.
Amy: I think the point is that Howard owes him an apology.
Bernadette: Yeah, well, I think the point is if Sheldon has a problem with Howard, Sheldon should take it up with him. Now, if you'll excuse me, the prime minister of England needs her diaper changed.

Howard: Well, for what it's worth, I didn't think it was a very good impression of you.
Bernadette: Really? You don't think I have an annoying high-pitched voice?
Howard: No, not at all. In fact, I find your voice quite melodious.
Bernadette: Mm-hmm. And you don't think I'm unnecessarily hurtful?
Howard: What? I'm sorry. I-I couldn't hear the question. I just heard the music.

Bernadette: Hey, Bert, what are you dressed as?
Bert: I'll give you a hint. My work in seismic refraction measurements and-
Bernadette: Hey, Stuart, what are you dressed as?
Stuart: I'm a butterfly.
Bernadette: Did you steal those from Halley's "let's pretend" box?
Stuart: I'm gonna put them back.

Bert: All right, I'll tell you. I'm Maurice "Doc" Ewing, winner of the 1960 Vetlesen Prize, generally regarded as the Nobel Prize of geology.
Bernadette: Oh, yeah. Now I see it.
Bert: Ask me how I died. Spoiler alert: brain hemorrhage.

Leonard: So, here we are. On Halloween. On this couch. Does it ring any bells?
Penny: Really? We're still doing this?
Leonard: I'm just surprised you don't remember our first kiss.
Penny: (sighs) Fine. It was on Halloween.
Leonard: Are you agreeing just to shut me up?
Penny: You got another way? I'm all ears.

Bert: Really? An arranged marriage?
Raj: Yeah. I know how it sounds.
Bert: It sounds awesome. Is that just an Indian thing, or can I get a piece of that?
Anu: You know the woman has a choice, right?
Bert: There's always a catch.

Leonard: Okay, guys, I think that's enough.
Raj: Hold on. I'm the judge here, and I'm going to allow it.
Penny: Raj, take a break.
Anu: Hey, free speech. Right back there somewhere.

Howard: You know what, guys? You got us. Congratulations. Now why don't you go back to your apartment and put on your other costumes.
Amy: Oh, but it's so far away, and I have such teeny, tiny legs.

Bert: I don't get invited to a lot of parties. Is this a good one?
Stuart: Oh, yeah.

Bernadette: Can't believe Amy did that.
Howard: Oh, come on. You thought it was funny when I dressed up as Sheldon.
Bernadette: That was totally different.
Howard: How?
Bernadette: That didn't hurt my feelings.