Quotes from ‘The Meteorite Manifestation’

The Meteorite Manifestation

The Meteorite Manifestation
Season 12, Episode 14 - Aired January 31, 2019

Sheldon is thrilled to help Bernadette and Wolowitz navigate bureaucratic paperwork, until he discovers they are breaking the law. Also, Leonard is disappointed when his friends exclude him from a scientific project.

Quote from Howard

Howard: And then Andy said if we want privacy, we should plant some trees. The only way I know how to do that is to give a dollar and tree shows up in Israel.

Quote from Bert

Bert: I don't really have dreams, when I sleep or in life.

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: Whoa, whoa. You're not gonna cut open a meteor, are you? Have you not learned anything from comic books? Space viruses? Pod people? I sell nothing but warnings.

Raj: Calm down, Stuart. You're being a little crazy.
Denise: Oh, is he? Is he being crazy? Or is he the only one around here who's making any sense?
Raj: It's nice they found each other.

Quote from Sheldon

Stuart: Yeah, this one made me go for ice cream and talk about her day. Spoiler alert: it was fine.
Amy: It wasn't fine. I got trapped in an elevator.
Sheldon: I may have missed a few details. The bottom of my cone was drippy.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Are you saying I'm standing on an unpermitted deck?
Howard: It's been here for years, Sheldon. It's fine.
Sheldon: How did the inspector not flag this when he came to check out your bathroom renovation?
Howard: Uh...
Sheldon: Are you telling me that I have showered in an uninspected bathroom?
Bernadette: You showered in our house?
Sheldon: You made me hold your children. What did you expect me to do?

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Oh. That is bright!
Howard: Yeah, a new neighbor put in floodlights.
Bernadette: Huh.
Howard: So, shall we?
Bernadette: No. I don't want to take my robe off under a spotlight. This is a candle body.

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: Are we done talking about Howard's failed conjugal relations? I have an actual Nobel Prize crisis to deal with.
Raj: Has anything changed since the last time you talked about it?
Sheldon: No.
Howard: Is there anything you can do about it?
Sheldon: No.
Raj: Then shut up or go wait in the car!

Quote from Howard

Nathan: Now, how can I help you?
Bernadette: Our neighbor built a balcony that looks right into our backyard, and we're trying to see if there's anything we can do about it.
Nathan: Well, you have come to the right place. You know, a lot of people handle this type of thing online, but I always say nothing beats the human touch. Oh, but don't worry. I'm not gonna actually touch you. We had quite the informative meeting on that.
Bernadette: We just want a little privacy in our backyard.
Howard: You know, for (clicks tongue)... Maybe we should've done this online.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: We spent half the day down at the city planning office, and didn't solve a thing.
Bernadette: Now we have to go back tomorrow.
Sheldon: The planning office? You lucky ducks.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Is one of the forms the 599B/C? Because, if so, it has a doozy of a typo.
Howard: I don't know.
Sheldon: All right, well, I don't want to spoil anything, but you might want to start practicing your "siglature."

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Don't make it sound childish. It's the scientific word for dust.
Penny: What was wrong with "dust"?

Quote from Penny

Penny: Are you sure you're not just a little jealous?
Leonard: No. It's just, my way is better, but they won't even consider it.
Penny: Oh, well, it's their loss. Look, why don't you go to bed. I'll run out and get you some medicine.
Leonard: Ah, it's okay. Stuart gave me some when I was at the comic book store.
Penny: Really? You're taking medicine from Stuart? Doesn't he need, like, all of it?

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: See what I'm talking about?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. Oh, that is textbook encroachment. And I know because I have the textbook.
Amy: First edition.

Quote from Sheldon

Bernadette: Watch what happens when you move.
Sheldon: Oh! Oh, boy, you weren't kidding. Oh, those are 10,000 lumens if they're a lumen.
Howard: Well, you know what they say: when life give you lumens, make lumen-Ade. [chuckles]
Sheldon: Was that a joke?
Howard: Yes.
Sheldon: Based on the premise that "lumen" sounds like "lemon"?
Howard: Yes.
Sheldon: [chuckles] That's hilarious.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: So, I guess you're not gonna help them?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm gonna help them. Help them get on the right side of Johnny Law.
Amy: Oh, you can't turn them in. The city's gonna make them rip out all the work they've done and do it over. It would be the end of your friendship.
Sheldon: What choice do I have? These are the rules.
Amy: Sheldon, I am begging you. Please, don't do this.
Sheldon: You know who doesn't get permits for their decks? Animals.
Amy: Animals don't have decks.
Sheldon: Oh, really? I have one word for you: beavers.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hello.
Nathan: Hi! Welcome to the zone zone.
Sheldon: [chuckles] Oh, that's funny! Hey, I also have a joke for you. Lumen-Ade. Maybe I told it wrong.

Quote from Sheldon

Nathan: Well, how can I help you?
Sheldon: If I know someone in violation of the building code, should I turn them in?
Nathan: Interesting question.
Sheldon: Yeah, I know. Because, on the one hand, Confucius says we owe a greater responsibility to people we're close with rather than to society at large. But, on the other hand, Socrates says that we're obligated to obey all laws, even unjust ones.
And then, furthermore, if we're entertaining rules about when it's okay to break the rules, I should-- where does it end?
Nathan: Well, for me, it ends at 5:00.
Sheldon: Well, I just-- I don't know what to do.
Nathan: All I can tell you is that the building codes are there for everyone's safety.
Sheldon: Oh, so you're saying I have no choice but to turn them in.
Nathan: I did not say that.
Sheldon: But would you? And remember that I laughed at your "zone zone" joke.
Linda: It's not even a joke!
Sheldon: Oh, is that Linda back there?
Nathan: Yeah.
Sheldon: Aw. How are her hot flashes? Any better?

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: So, what's up?
Sheldon: I went down to the city Code Compliance Office to turn you in.
Howard: Are you kidding?
Sheldon: But I didn't do it. I filled out the form and then realized that the unwritten rules of friendship are more important than the written rules of the city of Altadena's Zoning and Planning Department.
Bernadette: Aww.
Howard: Really, "aww?"

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: This is just delightful.
Bernadette: Do you think he knows we're the ones that got him in trouble?
Howard: Who cares?
Bernadette: I do. I met his wife. She seems really nice.
Andy: Sorry about the noise, neighbor!
Howard: No problem!
Andy: Hey, you guys know a Sheldon Cooper?!
Bernadette: No, we do not!

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: Let me just lock up here.
Denise: Okay. So what do we do?
Stuart: Uh, well, if this is a worst-case scenario and we're the last two people alive, we're gonna, we're gonna have to rebuild civilization.
Denise: Do you have any special skills?
Stuart: I can draw. How 'bout you?
Denise: I can play clarinet.
Stuart: Oh, I didn't know that.
Denise: Yeah, ten years.
Stuart: Ah. You know, it, uh, might also be up to us to repopulate the Earth.
Denise: I'm okay with that.
Stuart: So shall we?
Denise: Wait here. I'm gonna brush my teeth.
Stuart: Sorry, we're closed!
Sheldon: This is going on Yelp!

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Ooh, it's freezing out here.
Howard: Would you like me to heat things up?
Bernadette: No, I want to get in the hot tub before I lose a toe.

Quote from Howard

Andy: Howdy, neighbors! We haven't met yet. I'm Andy.
Bernadette: Oh. Hello. Nice to meet you. You know, your new balcony kind of looks right over our fence.
Andy: You might want to put up some trees. We can see everything.
Howard: You can, but it's okay if you don't.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: So, can you turn your lights off?
Andy: Sorry, they're motion-sensored. They'll go off in a minute. Just try to stay still.
Bernadette: (door closes) What are we gonna do about this?
Howard: I say we wait until his lights go off, and then I make hot, motionless love to you. Don't move. It's go time.

Quote from Howard

Howard: And his new balcony looks right down on our hot tub, which meant we couldn't do anything.
Raj: So you gave your kids Benadryl for nothing?
Howard: Why do I share with you? You're such a yenta.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Excuse me. Remember you all came here to check out my cool new laser?
Sheldon: Oh, right. I'm gonna go wait in the car.

Quote from Raj

Bert: I need some help with a meteorite I found.
Leonard: Ah. I'd be happy to.
Bert: Oh, no, I meant Raj. I really need an astrophysicist.
Raj: Wow. This is exactly like a dream I had. Except in the dream, you're Gal Gadot.

Quote from Howard

Howard: So, is there anything we can do?
Nathan: Absolutely. Do you know if they have permits for the balcony?
Bernadette: Oh, no. We were hoping you could check.
Nathan: I certainly can. I just need you to fill out a form, and we have them available in Armenian, Chinese, Cambodian, English, Farsi, Korean, Spanish and Vietnamese.
Howard: Well, English, obviously.
Nathan: Well, we're not allowed to presume. That was a whole other meeting.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: So we just fill out the form and that's it?
Nathan: Oh, no. No, you need to fill it out, and then you need to bring it down to the Office of Code Compliance. Now, if your neighbors don't have a permit, you can file an official complaint, but if they do have a permit, then you have to make the case that the balcony constitutes a nuisance, an encumbrance or an encroachment, and you have to decide which, because they are three totally separate forms.
Howard: This is starting to seem like more trouble than it's worth.
Nathan: I know, right?

Quote from Stuart

[Leonard sneezes]
Stuart: You okay?
Leonard: Yeah.
Stuart: Great, 'cause you just bought that whole row of Batmans.
Leonard: Sorry, I [sneeze]
Stuart: And now you bought Aquaman. Good choice.

Denise: If you want cold medicine, Stuart has the entire run of DayQuils, including the rare "DayQuilt" misprint from 1996.
Stuart: What can I say? I'm a collector.

Quote from Stuart

Leonard: Just seems dumb to not use the laser.
Stuart: Not as dumb as unleashing a plague on mankind, but, hey, what do we know?
Leonard: Literally nothing.

Quote from Amy

Howard: So now we have to download all these forms and fill them out.
Sheldon: We get it. Your life is great. Stop rubbing it in.
Amy: Yeah, quit it.

Quote from Sheldon

Bernadette: Sheldon, if you like this stuff, why don't you come and do it with us?
Howard: Or instead of us?
Sheldon: [gasps] Do you mean it? No, no, wait, it's too late. You can't take it back.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Well, Amy, looks like the elevator might have been the high point of your day.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Purell. Purell. Purell. Purell. Can I top anybody off?

Quote from Penny

Leonard: It's just so frustrating. I know my laser would be way more efficient. They're gonna lose so much meteorite due to kerf loss.
Penny: Mm. I'm sorry your friends won't let you play kerf with them

Quote from Penny

Penny: All right, well, why don't you go to bed. I'll sleep out here on the couch.
Leonard: No, no, no, you take the bed. I'll stay out here.
Penny: Even better. Sweet dreams, snot bag.

Quote from Amy

Sheldon: Okay, what is the setback on property lines in this neighborhood?
Bernadette: Oh, I don't know.
Sheldon: It must be on the permit from when you built your deck.
Bernadette: Uh, yeah, my dad built this. We didn't do the whole permit thing.
Amy: Here we go.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You think you know people.
Amy: You do know them, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Yeah, but-but do we? Do we really know them?
Amy: Yes!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: They're rule breakers, Amy. And you know what we do with rule breakers?
Amy: Complain about them to our spouse until she's ready to drive into oncoming traffic?
Sheldon: You can't cross a double yellow line. What is this, the Purge?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, hey, look. "Siglature."

Quote from Leonard

Penny: You're having a bad dream.
Leonard: Oh, thank God. I was eating my friends. Well, one friend and one acquaintance.
You know what, Bert's okay. Two friends.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Are you okay?
Leonard: (pants) That depends. What-what color are my eyes?
Penny: I don't know, brown? No, green. No, wait, brown.
Leonard: Oh, good, I'm awake.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Hey. What's going on?
Sheldon: Can you come over here?
Howard: Sheldon, the deck is safe. You can walk on it.
Sheldon: [after gently stepping onto the deck] Oh, that gets the heart going.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: And you'll be happy to know that, while I was there, I did look into your neighbor's balcony, and it is encroaching on your property line. I had all this pent-up snitch energy, so I reported him hard.
Howard: What did they say?
Sheldon: He's going to have to remove it.
Bernadette: [chuckles] So the good guys win?
Sheldon: Well, I don't know if I'd call you the good guys.You're enforcing a law on him that you're willfully ignoring yourselves.
Bernadette: Uh, all right, fine. So the morally compromised guys win.
Sheldon: Apparently so. Now, if one of you'd be kind enough to take me home, I need to use my bathroom.
Howard: What's wrong with the one here?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I want to live.

Quote from Bert

Leonard: You guys got a second?
Raj: Leonard, I told you, buddy. We don't need to use your laser.
Bert: Yeah, all we need is Terry Brad-saw. That's what I named my saw.

Quote from Bert

Raj: Really? You're jealous of us?
Leonard: Yeah. I even had this crazy dream last night where I ate you both.
Raj: Seriously?
Leonard: Uh. I know. I was pretty out of it.
Bert: Who'd you eat first?
Leonard: Oh. Uh, you.
Bert: [chuckles] Nice.

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: Is it just me or has no one been in the store for hours?
Denise: Yeah, it is weirdly quiet. [gasps] Nobody's in the street.
Stuart: Huh. Well, that's strange.
Denise: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Stuart: They cut that meteorite open and unleashed a space plague?
Denise: Exactly.