Bernadette: Oh. That is bright!
Howard: Yeah, a new neighbor put in floodlights.
Bernadette: Huh.
Howard: So, shall we?
Bernadette: No. I don't want to take my robe off under a spotlight. This is a candle body.

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Stuart: Oh, so she's good enough for Howard but not for me?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: Yeah. Go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. This is his turf.

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!

Stuart: Whoa, whoa. You're not gonna cut open a meteor, are you? Have you not learned anything from comic books? Space viruses? Pod people? I sell nothing but warnings.

Howard: And then Andy said if we want privacy, we should plant some trees. The only way I know how to do that is to give a dollar and tree shows up in Israel.

Denise: If you want cold medicine, Stuart has the entire run of DayQuils, including the rare "DayQuilt" misprint from 1996.
Stuart: What can I say? I'm a collector.