Sheldon: If my apples are mealy, we can hit the supermarket for one last blowout. I'll even let you push the trolley.

Leonard: I'm going to hit the head. That's what us salty sea dogs say when we have to go pee-pee.

Sheldon: You say you're from New Jersey, but how do I know?
Leonard: Who would lie about being from New Jersey?

Sheldon: Have you got Leonard a welcome home gift?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Do you want to go halfsies on a $200 squirt gun?

Sheldon: This (Sailor's Hat) changes nothing. Except the Halloween costume I'm wearing this year. Amy, you're going to be Olive Oyl. Lay off the donuts.

Amy: He's mad at you, too. He says you're the succubus who led his friend astray.
Penny: I don't know what succubus is, but it has "suck" in it so that can't be good.

Amy: FYI, I had a donut for breakfast, you jerk.

Sheldon: Well, Leonard, I think it's high time we address the tweepadoc in the room.
Leonard: The what?

Leonard: This is me doing the Titanic pose on the boat. ... Oh, that's me getting rescued when I fell in.

Sheldon: No, no. You save your apologies for after you've had disappointing coitus with Penny.

Sheldon: There was obvious someone else in her apartment. I have no choice but to assume the worst, given Leonard's lengthy sea voyage and Penny's famously ravenous nether regions.