Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Professor Proton: Can I ask you a question?
Leonard: Yeah, sure.
Professor Proton: Why do you put up with Sheldon?
Leonard: Oh, you know because we're friends.
Professor Proton: Why?
Leonard: Wow, you ask really hard questions. Look, I know he can be aggravating, but what you have to remember is he's not doing it on purpose, it's just how he is. But he's also loyal and trustworthy and we have fun together.
Professor Proton: You know you're describing a dog?
Leonard: He did bite me once. But in his defense, I came up behind him while he was eating.
Professor Proton: They hate that.
Leonard: Sheldon is the smartest person I have met. He's a little broken and he needs me. And I guess I need him too.
Professor Proton: Why is that?
Leonard: Boy, you will not let this go, will you?

Sheldon: Arthur! Arthur, it's me, Sheldon Cooper.
Professor Proton: Trust me, I remember.
Sheldon: This is television legend, Arthur Jeffries. His science show inspired millions of children.
Professor Proton: Hold on, you have a girlfriend?
Amy: Yes, and I've heard so much about you. Hey look, we're wearing the orthopaedic shoes. I can't believe I dress like a celebrity.
Professor Proton: Okay, I get it now.

Amy: (Talking about Howard & Raj) They are going to have sex before Sheldon and I do. I knew it!

Sheldon: Look, a new topical antihistamine with lidocaine. Wow! I can't wait 'til I get a rash.

Bill Nye: Wow, Arthur Jeffries. It's an honor to meet you. My show would never have happened without yours.
Professor Proton: That's what I told my lawyers.

Howard: Look who's here to put the Jew in Jewellery night.

Amy: How do you not know how to use glue? Did you ditch pre-school?
Penny: Yeah, but only because I was dating a second-grader.

Raj: Excuse me, I happen to be very comfortable with my masculinity.
Howard: How is that possible?

Sheldon: Hey, isn't that Professor Proton?
Leonard: Oh, yeah.
Sheldon: Look at him just standing in line, like he wasn't moderately famous thirty years ago.
Sheldon: Let's go say hello.
Leonard: Oh, maybe we shouldn't bother him.
Sheldon: I'm not going to bother him. I'm going to talk to him.
Leonard: He thinks there's a difference.

Leonard: Ooh, Gasex has a new ultra-strength. I guess they really do read their mail.

Amy: Come on, he's a retired kids show host.
Sheldon: That's even worse. Using the sweet candy of science to trick children into loving him. ... Pervert.

Professor Proton: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, did I wake you?
Professor Proton: Of course you woke me, it's seven thirty.

Sheldon: I would have been here sooner but for some reason your home isn't on this map of Hollywood stars.

Howard: I was going to make a necklace for my mom but unfortunately she doesn't have a neck. She's just chins and fat and feet.

Sheldon: And to think I idolized that man. And why? At the end of the day, he's just another Hollywood phoney.
Amy: Is it really worth getting upset about?
Sheldon: They say don't meet your heroes. Don't peek behind that curtain of fame and celebrity. Because if you do, you'll see them as they really are: degenerate carnival folk.

Amy: This is fun. I'm gonna feel like a vixen wearing jewellery that doesn't have a list of medications I'm allergic to.

Amy: So what tools did you bring?
Howard: Everything we need to make jewellery moulds. Here's some silver, a crucible, and an acetylene torch to melt it down.
Penny: Ooh, that looks fun.
Bernadette: Maybe you should master glue before you move onto fire.

Raj: There are just some things I feel more comfortable sharing with the girls. Because they won't make fun of me, or call me names, or ask me if my Koothrapanties are in a bunch.

Amy: I've never seen him (Sheldon) this happy before.
Leonard: That's because you've never seen him on "Restock the Medicine Cabinet" day.

Professor Proton: (To Penny) So, you have any single grandmothers?
Penny: Sorry, they're both married.
Professor Proton: Good. .... Happily?

Leonard: Dr. Jeffries, hello again. Leonard Hofstadter.
Professor Proton: Oh, right. I remember your girlfriend. *Looking around* Is she here?

Sheldon: Can I invite you in for tea?
Professor Proton: No, I really have to run .
*Penny walks in the room*
Penny: Hey Arthur, how are you?
Professor Proton: Well I guess one cup wouldn't hurt.

Professor Proton: I was thinking if it isn't too much trouble, I'd like to get your opinion about my paper.
Sheldon: Thank you, it would be an honor.
*Professor Proton hands Sheldon his paper*
Sheldon: Actually, I don't need that. I hacked into your email account and read it.
Professor Proton: What did you think?
Sheldon: First, I think the fact you use your birthday as a password is embarrassing.
Professor Proton: Thank you.
Sheldon: Second, I thought your paper was inspired.
Professor Proton: Well that means a lot to me.

Sheldon: Well, if you're hoping to get in touch with Bill Nye, I can't help you. I have been informed he is now Bill Nye, the Restraining Order Guy.

Leonard: Okay, we're almost ready to go. Once we bond the wires, we can test the tubes.
Professor Proton: This is so exciting. I feel like I'm seventy-five again.

Raj: *Imitating Howard* My name is Howard. I can make your hair into diamonds. My mom is morbidly obese. Everyone love me.

Leonard: Mr. Nye, hello. I'm sorry he got you involved in this nonsense.
Bill Nye: He told me I'd be speaking to a class.
Sheldon: No, I said you were teaching someone a lesson.

Amy: Have you ever wondered why Arthur didn't want you to read his paper?
Sheldon: Yes, I have. And my only conclusion is the prescription he was picking up the other day was for cuckoo pills.

Sheldon: Arthur, I'm surprised to see your here.
Professor Proton: Yeah, me too. Somewhere around the third floor I began to see a white light.

Sheldon: So what prescription are you getting filled?
Leonard: Sheldon!
Sheldon: No wait, I want to guess. Don't tell me.
Professor Proton: I wasn't going to tell you.

Sheldon: No, wait. I'm really good at this. Give me a hint. Does it involve difficulty initiating a stream of anything?
Professor Proton: Well, given my age, that's more than just a lucky guess.

Leonard: Oh, gees.
Professor Proton: Another photo from Sheldon?
Leonard: No, I have to go pick him up. Bill Nye ditched him at the smoothie place.
Professor Proton: He probably stole his wallet too.

*Leonard's phone vibrates*
Leonard: Oh, God.
Professor Proton: What is it?
Leonard: Sheldon just sent me a picture of him and Bill Nye getting smoothies.

Professor Proton: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: It's been pointed out by my girlfriend that I may have been annoying to you.
Professor Proton: She sounds like a keeper.

Sheldon: Now that you and I are friends again, I am at your disposal. And frankly, lending my name and reputation to it will help. Because a lot of people think you're a washed up has-been ... or dead.
Professor Proton: I should be so lucky.

Bill Nye: What are you guys working on?
Leonard: We're making nano-vacuum tubes.
Bill Nye: Interesting.
Professor Proton: Haven't you stolen enough from? Back off bow-tie!

Professor Proton: If someone had told me people would still call me Professor Proton when I was eighty-three years old, I never would have quit smoking.

Sheldon: As it happens, I'm also spending the day with a beloved children's science personality. Isn't that right, new friend and colleague Bill Nye, the Science Guy?
Sheldon: Sorry, I replaced you with a newer model.

Professor Proton: Sheldon, in a couple of hours I have to get up, pee and then wander around the house.